Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ A New Dawn ❯ You'll Be In My Heart: Chapter 4 ( Chapter 5 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

DISCLAIMER: I own the plot. Saying what I do not own makes me sad. That is all.

AN: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE, READERS! I made this chapter nice and long as a Christmas gift to all of you, because it may take me two weeks or more for me to get back to my computer again.

Hope you all enjoy the chapter, and have a happy holiday!

- - - - - - - - - -

Come stop your crying.

It'll be all right.

Just take my hand.

Hold it tight.

I will protect you

From all around you.

I will be here.

Don't you cry.

* * *

“Stab it, you idiot!”

Hiei glared at Mukuro and darted off to the right of the huge B-class demon the two of them were fighting. “You know,” he said, not even breathing hard as he opened another gash in one of the demon's many legs, “I don't see why we're both fighting this thing. One of us could have easily taken it. But instead you drag me out of Tokyo and back here to help you patrol your borders, when this is the most difficult thing we can expect.” He cut the leg off, and there were only…nine more to go.

“I told you,” Mukuro told him impatiently, working on cutting off another leg from the front of the demon as it roared its rage and tried to stomp her into the ground. “You're going to be getting all of this at some point, so you need to learn this stuff. Besides…” She hacked viciously at the thing, barely succeeded in making a dent, and practically screamed in frustration. “That poison is really slowing me down. How someone managed to get it into my food I will never know, but the point is, it makes me weak, and I hate admitting it, but that's why you're here: to help me. So stop complaining and get your a—oh…”

* * *

For one so small,

You seem so strong.

My arms will hold you,

Keep you safe and warm.

This bond between us

Can't be broken.

I will be here.

Don't you cry.

* * *

“So when will you be getting back?” Kurama asked, watching from his bed as Hiei finished the plate of food Kurama had forced on him and got up out of the chair next to Kurama's desk.

“I don't know,” Hiei replied, walking over to hand the plate to Kurama after picking off every crumb. (For someone who insisted that he wasn't ever hungry, he could sure pack it away.) “Probably not for a while. Mukuro's…she's not doing well, and she needs me on hand.” His voice was determinedly light and airy, made to sound as if this was all nothing except a mild pain in his neck. “She's really milking this for all it's worth, you know, and—”

“I'm not falling for it, Hiei,” Kurama said quietly, as Hiei turned and reached out a hand to open the window. Hiei froze with his hand on the latch, and Kurama continued. “You're worried about her, I know. And you're scared.”

Hiei said nothing, but the muscles in his shoulders went tight and his hand curled itself into a fist.

“Hiei, she's going to be all right. You said yourself that she's tough. She already survived a deadly poison that would have killed nine of ten people, so this should be a snap for her. You watch, she'll be up and around in no time, yelling about how you let things go to hell while she was down, and—”

But Hiei was shaking his head. “No, fox…no. Not this time.”

And then he had hitched a tiny smile on his face, said, “I'd better go or she'll make me stay extra time for being late,” and flitted off through Kurama's window, leaving no sign that he was there except the curtains rustling as if from a light breeze.

* * *

`Cause you'll be in my heart.

Yes, you'll be in my heart.

From this day on,

Now and forever more.

You'll be in my heart,

No matter what they say,

You'll be here in my heart,

Always.

* * *

“Hey, Mukuro,” Hiei greeted in his usual doom-and-gloom-with-a-pinch-of-humor tone.

“You're late,” Mukuro grumbled, trying to sound angry and only succeeding in sounding weak. “I told you to be here before dawn, and it's now nearly noon. The border patrol is completely out of hand and everyone's treating me like an invalid and I am on the verge of a major mass murder.”

These comments, which would normally make Hiei suppress a laugh and reply in a very sarcastic-bordering-on-insubordination way, just caused a fairly annoying ache in his chest, right where his heart probably should have been but wasn't anymore because he was about to lose something else.

“Well, why don't you, then? You've always said they do nothing but mess things up, anyway,” Hiei said, still standing in the doorway, praying that he would soon be sent off to do something so that he could get away from the death he could feel growing ever closer to this room, to the once so strong person now lying in bed, unable to even stand upright because of a huge gaping hole in her stomach that nothing could seem to repair and that was getting worse every day.

Hiei had spent the last two weeks trying to banish the images of Mukuro's last fight from his head. She had been in the middle of yelling at him, when the demon they had been fighting had gotten one good hit in at last. It had managed to pierce her stomach completely through, hitting arteries, blood vessels, bones, muscles—everything Mukuro required to live—along the way.

There really hadn't been much hope.

It didn't matter. Hiei didn't care that there was no point in trying to save her. She wasn't going to go out thinking he didn't care. He was determined that the last thing she would remember was that he had done everything he could to protect her.

Hiei jerked himself roughly, painfully, back to the present, and forced himself to listen to what Mukuro was saying.

“I've explained this, Hiei. It's all about appearances. Honestly, I don't know what will happen to this place if you get hold of it…”

The “if” was clearly a “when,” and Mukuro could clearly sense that Hiei could sense that “when” approaching quickly.

Hiei felt his heart racing, and tried to calm himself. “It'll get much better, of course. Now why did you ask me here if we were just gonna make small talk? I'm going to patrol,” he said, injecting false annoyance into his voice to mask his other emotions.

As he turned to go, Mukuro spoke behind him, and her voice was barely a whisper. “Don't ever change, Hiei.”

Hiei stopped for a moment, and then continued walking without giving any sign that he had heard. That was what she wanted, he knew—for him to pretend she hadn't said anything so that she could pretend the same.

Death would be upon her soon.

* * *

Why can't they understand the way we feel?

They just don't trust what they can't explain.

I know we're different, but deep inside us,

We're not that different at all.

* * *

Kurama lay on his bed, body stretched to its fullest extent, completely still, staring at the ceiling. He was trying to empty his mind and think of absolutely nothing, and succeeding pretty well, on the whole. But once in a while, a thought would move sluggishly through his mind, and when that happened, he would twitch involuntarily, and his eyes would dart to his window for no apparent reason.

Hiei had only been gone for five days, not even half the time he had expected to be, so there was no reason to worry. But Kurama had been feeling that something was wrong for days now. It was nothing more than a vague, untraceable conception brought on by kitsune instincts, but Kurama happened to trust those instincts whole-heartedly, and if they told him that something wasn't right, then it was the truth.

That was all there was to it.

And yet, though Kurama knew that while what was wrong certainly had a lot to do with Hiei, he also knew that it was not because he was physically hurt, which was the only reason Kurama hadn't gone tearing off to Makai days ago.

But that could only mean one thing.

And knowing that one thing had Kurama perhaps more worried about Hiei, rather than less.

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft tapping on the window, and then the sound of a sliding latch. He turned over on his side and then sat up, watching silently and without much surprise as Hiei climbed into the room.

He knew instantly that his hunch had been correct. All he had to do was give Hiei half a glance.

The little demon looked literally ready to drop dead where he stood. He had dark circles under his eyes which told how long it had been since he'd known sleep, and he was thinner than when he'd left, making him appear even smaller than usual. His skin was pale as death and his limbs seemed to shake. He seemed so worn and dispirited and…dejected, in a way that he had never looked before. His eyes, as he gazed at, sent out a plea for help and solace and understanding that Kurama was willing to bet he didn't even know about.

It made Kurama's heart ache just watching him.

After a few minutes, Hiei walked slowly over and sat on the bed next to Kurama, getting as close as he could without touching him and staring fixedly at the floor as if all the answers to life's questions could be found there. Kurama could feel his emotions flying in all directions, battling each other violently, and his worry rose. Hiei hadn't been this close to losing control over his power in years.

After a moment's fierce battle with himself, Kurama reached over, and took Hiei's hand. Hiei didn't even put up a pretense of pulling away, but rather clung so tightly to that little bit of sanity that Kurama would have thought his hand were going to fall off if he wasn't so concerned with other matters.

Now, if this surprised Kurama—and it did, rather a lot—the kitsune nearly dropped dead of shock when Hiei scooted closer to him and wrapped his small arms around his waist, laying his head against Kurama's shoulder in an unbelievable show of vulnerability. Kurama, not about to lose this moment when it had finally turned up, gathered Hiei to him in a tight hug, maneuvering both of them so that Kurama's back was against the headboard and Hiei was leaning against his side.

They sat that way, in companionable, comforting, understanding silence until well after the sun crested over the horizon.

* * *

And you'll be in my heart.

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on,

Now and forever more.

* * *

“Where is he?”

Kurama smiled wearily at his friend's greeting when he opened the front door to his house. “Hello, Yusuke.”

“Where is he?” Yusuke repeated, stepping inside and looking around. “He's here, isn't he?”

“I suppose you mean Hiei.”

“Yes, you idiot, who else?”

“I assume you know, then?”

Yusuke sighed, and nodded. “Yeah. I got the news from Koenma. Apparently it actually happened about four days ago.”

Kurama nodded, but didn't say anything except, “He got here around two in the morning and passed out at around six. He's up in my room, still asleep. Good thing, too, he doesn't look as if he's slept since it happened…” As he spoke, Kurama led Yusuke into the kitchen, and busied himself filling the coffee pot.

Yusuke sat down at the table. “So…how is he?”

Kurama put the filled pot in the coffee maker, filled it, pressed the button, and turned back to Yusuke. “Oh, he's…Hiei. He won't talk about it and he just sat and stared at the floor or my comforter all night so I couldn't see his eyes and tell how he's really feeling.” He left out the part where he held Hiei for hours until he fell asleep—he wasn't about to humiliate his beloved little firecracker like that.

But even aside from trying to take care of Hiei without letting the latter know he was being taken care of, Kurama had another problem.

The night before, when Hiei had shown up at his window, and then for the rest of the night after that, Kurama had been to concerned to think about anything else, but now that Hiei was safely asleep, the realization was creeping up on him—last night's events had done nothing to curb his feelings for the Jaganshi. In fact, having Hiei that close to him for so long had only made him spiral deeper into love, and now he felt that if he didn't say something to someone—anyone—he would burst open completely.

It didn't really matter to him at the moment who he told or what their reaction was, as long as they were willing to keep his secret.

“Yusuke, I have to tell you something.”

“Um…okay…shoot,” Yusuke said. “From the way you sound you've been holding something in for a while…”

Kurama sat down at the table and drummed his fingers nervously on the table, and was silent for a few moments. Then he said, “I think I'm in love with Hiei.”

There. It was quick, it was direct, it was clear, and it said exactly what he'd been longing to say. Now all that remained was to gauge Yusuke's reaction to figure out whether or not he was leaving the country for the rest of his life.

Yusuke didn't say anything for a long time, and Kurama could tell he was trying to make sense of this. What he couldn't tell was whether Yusuke was disgusted, happy, repulsed, angry, or just confused.

“So…you're…?” Yusuke finally said. “You're…gay?”

Kurama just nodded, beginning to wonder what on earth he'd gotten himself into.

“And Hiei…?”

“I don't know for sure whether he is or not. I think he might be, but…I'm just not sure anymore.”

“Well, why don't you ask him?” Yusuke asked simply.

Kurama gaped at him. “Well…because…I mean…you…you aren't…why haven't you…?”

Yusuke grinned so suddenly that it was rather alarming. “Run out of the house screaming about Gay Pride Disease?”

“Not the way I would have put it, but…yes,” Kurama said, rather weakly.

“It's simple. You're my friend, Kurama. I've had a couple gay—um, I guess `friends' could describe it, though they were more allies that anything—in my time and I never cared a bit. You aren't any different from anyone else. I'm not about to bail on you just because of something like that, and if you thought I would…or Kuwabara would…or Shizuru or Yukina or anyone else in this crazy gang of ours would, you're finally turning into the idiot I think you were always destined to be.”

Kurama didn't know what to say to this, so he didn't say anything, and instead got up to get Yusuke perhaps a bigger mug of coffee than he otherwise would have. As he did, Yusuke spoke to his back.

“So does Hiei know?”

“I don't think so. And I don't want him to either, Yusuke.”

“Why not?”

Kurama turned back around and handed Yusuke his coffee, then sipped his own, trying to think how to explain himself.

“Yusuke, when Hiei first came to the Ningenkai ten years ago, he was…in bad shape. He was sad, and lonely, and angry, and so full of pain that he couldn't even recognize his emotions for what they were. He had lost so much, so many things that he should have had. In place of love he had only hatred and a desire for revenge, and where there should have been family and friends all he knew were enemies. He was nearly at the point of no return—that point when you just decide to give up living and just exist. He had forgotten what the words hope, and friendship, and happiness meant. He was even worse off than most demons are compared to humans. I worked so hard, and so long, to win him over—to gain his trust, and his friendship, and to rebuild all that had been destroyed over the years. And if I told him how I feel…what if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he's…I don't know…repulsed by things like that? And even if he is gay, and can feel the same way about me as I feel about him, you know him, Yusuke. You know he wouldn't be able to trust it. He'd run, I know he would. I don't want to lose him—I can't lose him. It's a risk I just…don't think I can take.”

By the time Kurama had finished, Yusuke had emptied his mug, and as Kurama fell silent he got up to fill it again. “You know,” he said as he poured the coffee, “I think you should tell him.”

Kurama's mouth dropped open, but he recovered himself quickly. “Have you been listening to what I've been telling you?”

“Yes, I have. And I understand. I just don't happen to agree.” Yusuke came back to sit at the table and this time emptied a lot of sugar into his coffee. “Look, what if you're wrong about all this? What if Hiei does feel the same, but he's scared of the same things you are? I mean, say you do tell him, and it turns out he's just been waiting for you to say it or something. You could find out that while you've been hanging around not wanting to jeopardize anything, you've been missing out on something so much better.”

There was another silence, and then Kurama asked, “When did you become so wise, anyway?”

Yusuke laughed. “Believe me, I resisted, but I've found that if you hang around a certain kitsune we both know for too long he starts rubbing off on you. And now, no matter what I do to prevent it, I find myself giving good advice once in a while. Scares the hell outta me…”

Kurama laughed briefly, but then he said, “I-I'm afraid, Yusuke.”

Yusuke's face softened. “I know. But some things are worth the risk, and I firmly believe that this is one of them.”

Kurama looked down into his cup and watched his reflection on the black liquid surface. He was shocked at how tired he himself looked; he hadn't gotten any sleep at all the night before. But he didn't feel tired…

“Well,” Yusuke said softly, pushing his empty mug away from him and shoving his chair away from the table, “I'm gonna go, I guess. And don't…tell Hiei I was here, okay?”

Kurama smiled slightly. He understood what Yusuke meant. If Hiei thought that Yusuke or anyone else pitied him, then things would not be good. “I promise. If you promise me that you won't say anything to him about…what we talked about.”

Yusuke nodded reluctantly, and turned to leave.

“And Yusuke?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Don't listen to them,

`Cause what do they know?

We need each other,

To have, to hold.

They'll see in time.

I know.

* * *

Two weeks later

“So why do you think Koenma called us here and not Yusuke?” Kurama asked, looking out of the corner of his eye at Hiei, who was walking with him along the lengthy hallway that led to Prince Koenma's office in the Reikai.

Hiei merely shrugged.

Kurama faced forward again, feeling his stomach drop unpleasantly. Hiei had been unusually cool toward him since that night after Mukuro died, and Kurama didn't know what to do. The thought that Hiei might be mad at him, or humiliated by him, was more than he could stand, but the one time he had tried to talk to Hiei about it all that he had achieved was to make things worse, it seemed. Hiei had hardly spoken a full sentence to him since. Kurama tried to make polite conversation the few times he and Hiei saw each other—for Hiei never came to Kurama's room at night anymore, which made Kurama want to cry whenever he thought about it—but Hiei always answered him in cool, two-or-three-word replies.

Kurama breathed a tiny sigh of relief when they reached the large double doors to Koenma's office. He hated being alone with Hiei nowadays, and he hated that he hated it. But he was about at the end of his rope where Hiei was concerned, and the only way that things improved even slightly was when there were others around, because at least then Kurama had someone else to focus on, someone who actually still liked him.

Koenma was sitting at his desk when the two walked in. He was in his toddler form, and was, as usual, stamping huge stacks of papers. He looked up when the door closed behind Kurama, and put down his inkpad. (You know, the one with the ponies on it.)

“Hello, Kurama. Hiei.”

Kurama nodded and responded politely, but Hiei just walked over to the wall and leaned against it in his usual overly relaxed pose without a word. Koenma gave him a slightly sad look, and then turned to Kurama.

“I called you two here because I have an assignment for you.”

Kurama nodded when he paused to look at Hiei again, and waited patiently for him to continue. He had a good idea of what this was about.

“I'm only asking you to do it because Yusuke and Kuwabara have still got their finals, unlike you, and they're busy. They don't like the fact they you're going and they aren't, but there isn't anything I can do about that. I have power but I can not change their finals schedule to suit me, though I wish to the heavens I could. Anyway, it's a relatively easy job—B-class demon, plant controlling like you, Kurama, and it's kill, not capture, this time. Working together, you should be able to pull it off relatively easily. The only reason I'm bothering at all is because this thing has the potential to be dangerous and I don't want that to turn into something more I want you to go today if at all possible.”

Kurama glanced briefly at Hiei, whose face was impassive, and felt a spark of annoyance that surprised him. Well, he had his chance to decline. “Of course we can go today. We'll leave right now.”

“Excellent!” Koenma said, picking up his stamp pad. “You can go then. You'll mostly likely find the demon hanging out in the thickest part of the Eastern Forest of Makai. It'll want plenty of plants around, obviously. I'll have someone bring up a portal that will take you straight to the forest, but you'll have to walk the rest of the way and mask your ki to avoid alerting the thing too early, because it could be dangerous if it had time to prepare. Oh…Kurama, could you hang back here for a second?”

So Hiei left without a word, and Kurama approached the desk again. “Kurama…” Koenma began, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Listen, I realize that you could do this job on your own. It would be more difficult, but you could do it. So could Hiei, for that matter—or he should be able to. But…”

“But you're not sure if he can.”

“Exactly,” Koenma said, sounding rather relieved that Kurama had grasped the fact so quickly. “So if you could just…”

“Watch him?”

“Yes, exactly. And just make sure he can still do the job. You know, make sure his fighting is still up to par. He's seemed…off…since Mukuro. We need him on our side and we need his abilities intact, so please try to get him back to normal again. Whatever it takes.”

Koenma gave him a look then, a look that made Kurama sure that they were now talking about something he didn't quite understand.

“Will do,” Kurama said, wondering uneasily exactly how he was going to do that when Hiei seemed to have more problems with him than he did with anyone else.

* * *

When destiny calls you,

You must be strong.

I may not be with you,

But you've got to hold on.

They'll see in time.

I know.

We'll show them together.

* * *

Well this is unbelievably awkward, Kurama thought unhappily as he and Hiei made their way through Makai's Eastern Forest, with Kurama gently moving the brambles, tree branches, roots, and other obstacles out of the way with his ki. Hiei had not said one word since they got here, despite Kurama's admittedly pathetic attempts at conversation. He simply nodded or shook his head even when Kurama didn't ask a yes or no question, and concentrated a bit too hard on walking and tracking their target's ki signature, which was so painfully obvious that Kurama could follow it easily and was still able to carry on this conversation with himself.

I will be so happy when we finally get to something we can kill…

That thought was so savage that for a moment Kurama wondered if it was actually Yoko who had thought it. But it wasn't—Kurama was just annoyed. He couldn't figure out what he was unhappy with, though, which bugged him even more, and so he was in a rather foul mood when they finally got near enough to see their mark.

He wasn't big—only about six inches taller than Kurama—but what he lacked in size he made up for in strength, apparently. He had well-muscled arms and legs, and Kurama could already tell he was agile from the way he stood.

And he was waiting for them. That much was obvious. He already had a bright gold shield of energy around him. He was in a fighting stance and looked utterly at ease in such a position, which meant that he had been through many fights before. But there was only one scar, a long one stretching from the middle of his forehead, and looping down around his left eye to the corner of his mouth. So he was also a good fighter.

And from the amount of power that was emanating from him, he had been masking his ki…

Damn.

* * *

'Cause you'll be in my heart.

Believe me, you'll be in my heart.

I'll be there from this day on,

Now and forever more.

* * *

“This is going to be tough.”

Kurama jumped in surprise and jerked his head to look at Hiei, who had finally uttered a complete sentence. Hiei was finally looking at him again—he hadn't done that in two weeks, either—but Kurama felt no joy in that. Hiei's face was empty—no expression at all. His eyes were just—dead. Kurama felt tears try to spring to his eyes, but he held them back in the face of more important matters.

“Yes, it is. But we can do it. We've worked stuff like this before.” Though…maybe not under such circumstances…

Hiei shrugged. “Let's go, then.”

And before Kurama could say a word, before he could think up an actual strategy, which was always the way it worked—before now—Hiei had stepped out from their protective cover, unsheathing his sword as he did so.

The demon they were facing did not move when he saw Hiei, or when Kurama reluctantly followed him. He didn't speak, either. The only sign that he noticed them at all, in fact, was that the trees around them actually grew closer together, blocking any escape route.

He was powerful.

More so than Kurama.

But more so then Kurama and Hiei?

Never.

Kurama felt a smile spread across his face, and he turned to Hiei and said, “Come on. Let's kick some crap.”

Hiei didn't respond with his usual tiny fanged grin. Instead, he just held his blade up and prepared for the fight, without even glancing at his once-friend.

Kurama wasn't really sure what happened then. He didn't know who moved first—was it him? Hiei? Or the other demon?—or what attack they used. All he knew was that one moment he was staring at the demon, and the next his own Rose Whip was out and he was in the fight of his life.

The next fifteen minutes were both the longest and shortest of Kurama's life. He knew only flashes of green light as he attacked, flashes of black as Hiei attacked, and then golden flashes that belonged to the other demon. Then he knew the pain of a cut on his shoulder—then a gash in his thigh—and then in his side—none fatal, but all painful. He wasn't even able to look to see how Hiei was faring, but the latter's ki pulsed strongly, so Kurama was reassured for the time being.

He soon realized that this was shaping up to be one of the most difficult fights he'd ever partaken in. He was already tiring, when under other circumstances that would have taken at least half an hour of hard fighting. And the other demon didn't even seem to have broken a sweat, judging from the way his blows kept falling. So all in all, he didn't have a whole lot of time for private thoughts.

One idea kept creeping into his mind, though. Did Koenma know about this?

And then, very closely following, He couldn't have! He wouldn't do that! There's no way!

But the notion grew steadily more persistent as the fight went on, stretching from fifteen minutes to half an hour to an hour.

Because there was no way Koenma could have made such an incredible mistake judging the demon's power. There was just no way. His power was unbelievable. Kurama was astonished that other demons couldn't feel it all over Makai.

Then again, they probably could.

But if Koenma had known how powerful this demon was, why send he and Hiei there alone? That was way too dangerous a gamble for Koenma to take with the lives of two of his team members. It was improbable—impossible—and Kurama couldn't suppose it could be true.

And yet…

He was forced to suppose it.

But why?!

And that…was the last coherent thought Kurama had.

He had been so busy puzzling things out that he had actually forgotten for a moment to pay attention to the fight.

And that moment was all that the demon needed. He seized the chance with vigor, and the next second Kurama found himself on the ground in more pain than he ever thought he could hold, with no idea of how he had gotten there.

The next few minutes seemed to last long days—months—years—millennia. Kurama had no idea how long it actually was. All he knew was that he hurt, and he was cold, and things kept blurring and graying in a most annoying fashion. He kept trying to get up, but it was the strangest thing—his body would not move. His muscles wouldn't even consent to twitch. He was absolutely immobile, unable to see anything, or understand what was going on.

Why was he here? He should…be at school…he had a biology test today…no…no, he didn't…he wasn't in high school anymore…he was in college…so he should be taking finals…no, finals were over…but why was he here? He shouldn't have been…this shouldn't have happened…he wasn't sure why, but he knew this shouldn't have happened…

“Kurama?”

The word was said so quietly, so gently, so tenderly, that for a moment Kurama didn't know that it was Hiei who had spoken. But then his face swam into view, and Kurama forgot his pain.

“Kurama…” Hiei breathed, and his voice was still unrecognizable in its softness. Kurama couldn't understand what could make Hiei speak like that.

“What…happened?” Kurama gasped, and his voice hardly sounded like his own—hoarse and rough and not at all him. Why…

“Y-you…he…I'm so sorry…I was too…I didn't…you're going to be all right, Kurama…you will…”

The words caused a whole other level of confusion for a moment, but then suddenly Kurama knew.

He had been hit.

It had been fatal.

And I'm dying.

It was strange…strange how easy those words were to think. The only things he really felt about his own death was a slight sadness that he had never solved things with Hiei and confusion over why Koenma had sent them here in the first place. They were both fighting in his mind for first place in the worry department, and he was already so cold and tired that he didn't have the energy to sort them out.

And then, quite suddenly, everything fell into place. His conversation with Koenma flashed through his mind. We need him on our side and we need his abilities intact…get him back to normal…whatever it takes…this was why they had come here…this was why Kurama was now lying here. Kurama was the expendable one, had always been the expendable one…and now he needed to be expended…he had to die, so that Hiei could comprehend how much he was needed, how vital it was that he remain lucid and able to fight and be the protector. He had to lose one precious thing so that he could know what it felt like, so that he would become determined not to lose even one more thing.

To know this, he had to feel the worst pain imaginable—the death of the one he loved most of all.

Because Kurama knew now that Hiei loved him. There was no doubt about it anymore. The stricken look on Hiei's face and the never-before-seen tears that fell from his eyes and hardened into gems—so deeply red they were practically black—as he pulled Kurama half into his lap and slid his arms around him, holding him as tightly as he could, attested to that fact in a way that nothing else could. He had been too afraid to say it—like Kurama—but he had felt it. And that was enough.

Kurama smiled, and there was a little sadness in it, but not as much as one might expect. “Hiei, shh…shh…it's all going to be all right…” He reached up and carefully traced the tear tracks on Hiei's face, and his limbs weren't as difficult to move now. “It doesn't hurt…” And it didn't…he felt almost no pain now. “Don't cry…I can't stand to see you cry…”

Hiei took his hand in a gentle, firm grip, as if by doing that he could stave off that evil whose name is death. “Kurama…”

“Hush, now. It's all right. I'm okay. And I finally understand…I understand things I never would have known otherwise. And…and you'll be all right, too, you know…” His voice faded, but he struggled to keep on talking. It was important that Hiei hear this…“Hiei, listen to me. You have to go back to the Ningenkai. You have to find Yusuke and Kuwabara, and then you have to find Koenma, and you have to tell them what happened. Tell him everything. And tell him…tell him I understand, and that I'm okay. And…tell him thanks for me…” He could barely breathe now, but that was okay, because he was almost finished. “And Hiei…you have to promise me something.”

“Kurama, stop talking like this…you're going to be fine…”

“No, Hiei. I don't have much time, so stop talking and listen to me.”

Hiei fell silent, looking absolutely horrified at the direction this was heading.

“Thank you. Now, Hiei, this is what you have to promise me: that from now on, you'll live. Not just exist, like you've been doing since Mukuro died, or the way you did before you came to the Ningenkai. Really, truly, live…and help the others live too…because I can't…promise me…”

“Kurama—”

“Promise me.”

Hiei was crying again, and his wracking sobs almost made Kurama rethink this whole dying thing.

But he really didn't have a choice in the matter, so he did the only thing he could—he tightened his grip on Hiei's hand for as long as he could manage, and smiled up at him as reassuringly as he could.

“And…and don't forget…to tell Koenma…what I said.”

* * *

Oh, you'll be in my heart,

No matter what they say.

You'll be here in my heart,

Always.

* * *

Hiei was never sure exactly how he got back to the Ningenkai. The whole time he was walking he couldn't actually see anything that was in front of him or around him. He couldn't hear or feel or think beyond this terrible, horrible, roaring pain, a thousand times worse than anything he had ever felt.

When the thieves had thrown him out, he had thought it was the most terrible thing that would ever happen.

When he found out Yukina was being tortured, he decided that, no, that was the most terrible thing that would ever happen.

When he had seen Kurama nearly die in the Dark Tournament, he found something even worse.

When Mukuro had died, Hiei had thought he would never be happy again.

But all those things paled in comparison to what he was feeling right now.

It was the end of the world. The end of everything. Friendship, trust, love…they would never exist again.

And the worst of it was Hiei felt no desire for revenge. He didn't want to do the thing that had always granted him some sort of solace—he didn't want to kill. Kurama's words kept flashing through his mind—“really, truly, live…and help the others live too…because I can't…” Kurama had hated killing, ever since he had become human. He hadn't ever done it unless he had to, and Hiei suddenly felt that killing for no other reason than to destroy would be forsaking Kurama's precious memory.

And Hiei would never do that.

And he would keep his promise. From now on, he was going to live. He was going to do what Kurama couldn't.

Always.

* * *

I'll be with you.

I'll be there for you always.

Always and always.

* * *

When Hiei stepped through the portal to the Ningenkai, he found himself only about a mile away from the college where Yusuke and Kuwabara would still be taking their finals.

Has it really been that short a time? Hasn't it been years?

Nevertheless, Hiei's internal clock, which was, incredibly, still working, told him that it was not yet noon, and so that was how he ended up heading to the college. Once there, it was an easy job for him to track their ki to the right classroom, and so he didn't think about it. He didn't think about his errand—what he was about to tell Yusuke and Kuwabara—or anything else, in fact. He kept his mind carefully blank in preparation for what was to come.

Hiei didn't even notice the looks he got as he walked along, but if he had—and had he been remotely like his old self at all—he would have found them comical. They were looks mixed with confusion, horror, fear, and disgust. Well, of course, all those looks made sense—he was this short little guy in a long flowing black cloak with a sword sheath on his hip, a bandage on his arm, and a white headband around his forehead, covered in dust and the blood of not one but two people, with the glazed look of someone completely disorientated, walking sedately along as if he belonged right there amid all the clean, somewhat-happy students caught in the finals grind.

As it was, Hiei noticed nothing as he walked through the campus and made his way to one of the fuller classrooms, tracking Yusuke's ki because it was the strongest of all, though Kuwabara's was making itself known, too.

Several heads turned as he opened the door and stepped in, closing the door behind him with no thought for the way the sound rang in the utter silence. He got the same looks he had been getting, but this time they were worse because after all, he was standing there dripping blood on the floor of a clean classroom where no one had expected that anything exciting would happen today at all—much less that they would be playing host to what seemed to be a crazy person.

Then a voice said, “What happened to you, son?”

Hiei didn't answer—he barely registered the voice, being too busy trying to pick out Yusuke and Kuwabara in the mass of staring people. It didn't take long to find them—they were in the back row, on the aisle, seated next to each other, staring at him, too, but without confusion or disgust, only fear and horror. They had an idea what he had come about, anyway.

Hiei ignored the gibbering professor, who was making a valiant attempt to figure out what was going on in his own classroom, and made his way up the steps of the aisle, until he got to Yusuke and Kurama, who were now looking terrified of what he was about to say.

That didn't matter to him—Kurama had given him an assignment and he was going to carry it out fully and completely, starting with these two.

“Kurama's dead.”

The words were quiet, but they nevertheless carried through the classroom so that every single person could hear him. If it was possible, the silence became even more pronounced, and the poor professor seemed to forget entirely that he was teaching a college course, that this was a final and that he should have forced Hiei out of the room a long time ago.

Then Yusuke broke the silence with a very quiet, “No. No, he isn't. You just…you had a dream…fell asleep…Kurama's fine.” His voice was remarkably steady, though he didn't seem quite as calm as Hiei felt.

Hiei tried to say it again, but the words wouldn't come. He had said the two words once, and now it didn't seem that he would ever be able to say it again. So he just looked at Yusuke, and remained silent.

“Urameshi…it's…it's true.”

Yusuke whipped around and stared at Kuwabara, who was looking at Hiei with tears in his eyes. “What're you talking about? Kurama's fine.” The words were spoken in a way that told Hiei that Yusuke didn't actually believe what he was saying—that he was desperately trying to hold on to a false hope, and he knew it, but would never admit it to himself.

“I…I can't feel his energy,” Kuwabara said quietly, and, like Hiei, he seemed to be calm with his despair and sorrow. “It's completely gone.”

“No! No, you're both…you're lying…Kurama's just too far away to feel, that's all…and Hiei…had a nightmare…Kurama's fine…he's…he's fine, damn it!”

At that point, a young woman in the row in front of them started to cry. The three of them hardly even noticed that the rest of the class was still staring at that the girl wasn't the only one crying. They just looked at each other, Hiei calm, Yusuke disbelieving and Kuwabara very nearly crying himself.

Then Yusuke suddenly reached the end of his faked disbelief. He jumped out of his chair so suddenly that his test paper floated docilely to the floor and, letting out a stream of curses that would have made anyone's ears bleed, slammed his fist into the wall so hard that the shoddy craftsmanship gave way and left a rather impressive hole. And he didn't stop there—he withdrew his bleeding knuckles and started beating on every inch of the wall he could get to. Hiei stood and watched him tranquilly, while Kuwabara leapt up and tried to calm his best friend, though he seemed to be having a hard time holding himself together.

It was a long time before Yusuke calmed down, but he luckily didn't punch any more holes in the wall, which he would have to pay for later. After about ten minutes, though, his curses subsided, and he just sort of collapsed, sliding down the wall to land in a crumpled mass of humanity on the floor, tears sliding down his face at last.

Kuwabara got down on his knees next to him, and put an awkward hand on his back, rubbing gentle circles and trying to quiet him. It seemed that having someone to take care of made him feel better, and enabled him to hold on to himself.

Hiei finally spoke again, in that same quiet, serene voice he hardly recognized at his own. “Kurama wanted me to come and tell you, and now I have to go and let Koenma know…Kurama had a message for him…”

And so saying, Hiei turned and left the classroom, leaving two broken people, a large group of confounded and horrified students, and one still-gibbering professor in his wake.

* * *

Just look over your shoulder.

* * *

It was dark in the Ningenkai now, as dark as the shadows around Hiei's heart. Hiei himself was now walking down the road that led to Yusuke's house. Everyone would be there, he was sure—Yusuke, Kuwabara, Shizuru, Botan, Yukina, everyone who cared about Kurama, except for Shiori, who would want to be alone. Hiei would join them, now that he had done his job and fulfilled Kurama's wish.

The last hours kept replaying themselves in his mind. Koenma's face when he learned the news—the tears in his eyes when he heard Kurama's message—the empty words Koenma had tried to use as comfort when really all Hiei wanted was his heartache. That was why he was headed to Yusuke's—there, he was sure, no one would try to make him feel better because maybe they would understand.

He could only thank all the gods that he hadn't been the one to tell Shiori. Kuwabara had done that. He had been the only one besides Hiei who was able to stay calm enough for more than five seconds, and Hiei had been in the Reikai. Hiei had seen him for a couple of minutes after he'd come back from the Reikai, and it was then that Kuwabara explained to him that Kurama's mother was all taken care of—that Kuwabara had told her Kurama had died in an “accident” and that though Shiori didn't know him, he had been Kurama's friend for a very long time, and knew him well. Then he had tactfully left her alone. He wouldn't tell Hiei exactly what she had said, or anyone else. He just said it was her business and hers alone, and left it at that.

After he met up with Kuwabara and learned where everyone was going to be, Hiei had told him that he was going to walk around a little, and that he'd be there later. Kuwabara had left then, looking mildly surprised that he'd managed to have an entire conversation with Hiei without having his head bitten off or even hearing a single sarcastic remark.

Hiei had been trying to understand that himself since he left, and he had finally come to the simple conclusion that he didn't want to be sarcastic anymore. He didn't want to say or do things that would hurt people, ever again. He wanted to be the kind of person people would miss as much as they missed Kurama right now. He wanted to be the kind of person Kurama might have loved, if he had been able to stay. He wanted to change.

Now, Hiei Jaganshi had never before had such a desire in his life, and he wasn't entirely sure how to go about it. All he knew was that he wanted to make people happy, since it didn't seem that he ever could be himself. It was a new aspiration to him, and he was surprised at how good the thought felt.

It was a strange, strange world, and Hiei felt quite lost in it all of a sudden, without Kurama.

Without Kurama…

What was he supposed to do without Kurama? He couldn't for the life of him seem to remember a time when the fox hadn't been around, helping him and being a friend to him. He had been alone for most of his life but now he couldn't seem to remember how to do it. He had so many questions, and he didn't think he'd ever find the answers, or know a great deal more than he did at this moment.

But he did know one thing for certain—whatever he decided to do from here on out, it would be something that made Kurama proud.

* * *

I'll be there.

* * *

It was late the next day when Hiei finally left Yusuke's house. He had been the last to leave, uncharacteristically, but when he did, he had felt satisfied: everyone seemed to be feeling better now, after having spent the entire night talking about Kurama, sharing stories and memories, and getting all their tears cried so that it could be over, and they could try to scrape together their lives and move on.

It was what Kurama would have wanted.

But one person was not quite better yet. Hiei had accomplished his task of taking care of everyone—everyone but himself. He had no clue as to how to do that. It had been shockingly easy to reach out to other people—though it seemed to surprise them quite a bit—but he hadn't yet achieved the skill of looking inside himself.

There was no way he could do that on his own.

He needed Kurama.

But Kurama wasn't here, and never would be again.

I need you…

Hiei turned the corner that led to the highway, which he had figured on following to Kurama's house. He had wanted to be in Kurama's room, just one last time, before it was emptied out ruthlessly. That ritual had been explained to him the night before, along with the purpose of a “will,” but he still couldn't understand it. Just because Kurama wasn't…around…anymore, why should all of his things be divided up and given away?

Hiei had been so deep in thought that at first he didn't register the feeling that he was being watched. When he did, he didn't feel the usual alarm at the thought. Rather, it brought him an undeniable sense of peace and warmth.

He saw why that was when he looked back over his shoulder.

Kurama was standing on the sidewalk. He was leaning with his arms crossed against the brick wall of a large building, his bright red hair framing his face, untouched by the chill wind that was picking up. He was looking at Hiei intently, with a small smile on his face. The look on his face was one Hiei couldn't quite pin down—but it made the day seem suddenly brighter, and made life worth it for the moment.

Hiei stared, his eyes popping and his mouth slightly open. But even as he watched, Kurama gave him another smile, a small wave…and then he pushed himself away from the wall, and by the time Hiei blinked again, he was gone.

Hiei watched the spot for a moment, and then a slow smile spread across his face, and he turned away and continued down the sidewalk.

And above him, the sky opened, and it started to snow.

* * *

Always.

- - - - - - - - - -

I CAN'T BELIEVE I KILLED KURAMA!

Anyway…so this is the end of this particular fic. I didn't think it would be, but what the muses want the muses get. But don't kill me, a sequel is forthcoming! I promise! *hides behind a giant muffin as random objects are thrown* REVIEW, PLEASE! *squeaks as she is hit by a large, rotten tomato* Now, really! *indignant*

- - - - - - - - - -

Reviewers' comments:

evil alien chickens: Really? You thought so? Maybe it's just because I'm so self-critical that I thought it sucked…yeah, that'll be it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the rest of the fic, too!

Nikkler: Yay! I updated! Aren't you proud of me? LOL. And thanks so much for your compliments! Your opinion means a lot to me, and so does anyone else's who bothers to review.

KyoHana: Thanks! But luckily I managed to get this up BEFORE I left—I worked my butt off, let me tell you—so now I can actually ENJOY my holiday! (I never would have been able to otherwise—I'm weird that way.) But weren't Kurama and Hiei ANNOYING in this chapter? They bugged me with all their waiting around crap…I really have no control over them, I swear. I wanted them to get together, but they decided against it, which really makes me mad…

And by the way, where in NC do you live? (If you don't want to tell me obviously that's okay.) Because we're going to someplace called Maggie Valley or something like that, and I was wondering if that was anywhere near you.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Catie-brie: Thanks for the review, hope you enjoyed the chapter, bla bla biddy bla I'm so stuffy gimme a scone! I'm glad my reviewers actually liked the flashbacks, because I do know of some people who don't like them much…anyway, don't forget to be kind and drop me a review!