Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ BITE ME! (The Princess Bride, Yu Yu Style) ❯ Introducing Kurama and Hiei ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

(Chapter 1)

Kurama was a young man in his late teens. He didn't care much about wearing fancy clothes and his long red hair was very unkempt. Even though he never looked as attractive as he could have, he was easily the most handsome man in the kingdom, go figure. Our story begins…

Kurama rode up to the stables and dismounted. Holding the reins of his horse he turned to Hiei with his “I'm better than you so live with it” look. “Farmboy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.”

Hiei watched him quietly. They stared at each other, wonder in their eyes. Then Hiei scowled. “Bite me.”

XXX

Li: CUT! Cut! Cut! You can't say that! Your character always says “as you wish”! shouts into her megaphone

Hiei Why? Buttercup is a snobby brat that calls him farmboy, and bosses him around. I'd imagine he'd say, “bite me”! yells back

Li: Ava, what say you? asks the small girl with the type writer

Ava: “Bite me” could work, or similar phrases such as “screw you” or “kiss my insert colorful word here.” nods

Li: Oh, then, it's fine. Just as long as you say it with feeling.

Hiei: smirks Fine by me.

Kurama: Not by me! yells I can't work like this! I'll be in my trailer!

Hiei: You don't have a trailer. You have a cot in my trailer! shouts to Kurama's back

Kurama lets out a frustrated scream

Li: Somebody's PMSing. sigh

Kurama: I am not! I cannot! So there!

Hiei: sighs and puts his hand to his temple Can we just shoot the stupid movie?

Kurama: Fine! stomps back to the set

A little chibi person runs back in with one of those set thingies, whatever ya call `em

Random Chibi # 1: Bite me, scene two, take two! Snap.

XXX

Kurama walked away as Hiei gazed after him with longing eyes.

“Bite me was all he ever said to her,” Yomi explained.

“What about `screw you' and `kiss my—'” Yomi covered his grandson's mouth before he could finish.

“Just listen to the story, you miniature marshmallow.”

After making sure Kurama's saddle was nice and shiny Hiei began to chop wood. Kurama walked up suddenly with two empty buckets and dropped them in front of the already busy Hiei. With the same tone he usually had when he spoke to Hiei he said, “Farmboy, fill these with water.”

Hiei just stared at him and dropped his axe.

Kurama's eyes softened. “Please.”

Hiei stared in silence, then finally, with a sigh, climbed onto the stump so that he would be at least the same height of Kurama, if he couldn't be taller. “Bite me.” He jumped down and went to go fill the buckets.

Kurama began to walk away, and Hiei was still watching him. Kurama stopped and turned. Hiei looked away quickly, but Kurama already knew something he didn't.

“That day, he was amazed to discover that when Hiei was saying `bite me' what he really meant was `crawl into a black hole and die,'” Yomi recited from memory. “Which in some strange Hiei way meant `I love you.'”

“And even more amazing was the day he realized he truly loved Hiei back. And that Hiei didn't know how to express these feelings. He needed help with that.”

Hiei was just about to leave the kitchen, where he'd just dropped off a load of firewood, but them Kurama called out breathlessly, “Farmboy.”

Hiei stopped and looked at him.

“Fetch me that pitcher,” Kurama said, pointing to a pitcher that he could easily reach himself. Hiei, however, couldn't grab it even on tiptoe.

Even so, he walked over and reached up over Kurama's head, as high as he could, even jumping a few times, but to no avail. “Bite me.”

Kurama smiled and got the pitcher.

Hiei glared at him, and stomped off.

“Farmboy.”

Hiei stopped, back stiffening, but didn't turn.

Kurama sighed. “Never mind.”

But later that day, Hiei and Kurama met in a field, and they shared a passionate kiss, in the red glow of the sunset.

“Hold it, hold it, hold it!” Shura cried. “What is this? Is this a…” he gulped. “Kissing book?”

“Just wait!” Yomi screamed.

“But why? How did they just end up like that?”

“For the love of—” censored (Due to the extreme violence of this scene, we regret that we must cut the scene from the script for the comfort of our less mature audiences.)

“Hiei had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings and left the farm to become a pirate—I mean, erm, seek his fortune across the sea.”

XXX

Li: CUT! shouts

Kurama: stares at Hiei with his hands on his hips Oh, no, you didn't!

Hiei: Pirates are more interesting than you, girly-man.

Kurama: Why, you little—

Li: HIEI, KURAMA, SETTLE! BEGIN TAKE THREE AT YOMI'S LINE!

XXX

“The two lovers stood in a loving embrace just outside the farm gate. It was a very emotional time for Kurama.”

“Ewww! Gross!”

“Shut up…”

Kurama stared deeply into Hiei's eyes. “I fear I will never see you again.”

“Of course you will,” Hiei replied, speaking more gently than he ever had, wiping the tears from Kurama's eyes.

“But what if something happens to you?”

“I'm Hiei, remember? And no matter what happens, I will always come for you.”

“How can you be sure?”

Hiei gave his love a comforting smile. “This is true love. You think this happens every day?”

Kurama threw his arms tightly around him and they shared one last kiss. Then Hiei departed. Tears streamed from Kurama's eyes as he saw his love, perhaps for the last time.

“Hiei never reached his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left his captives alive. When Kurama got the news that Hiei was murdered—”

“Ooh, murdered by pirates is good,” Shura squealed.

“KID!”

Kurama locked himself in his room for days, devastated. He became deathly pale and his face was always streaked with tear tracks. He neither slept, nor ate. He was devoid of all emotion from that day on. He made a vow. “I will never love again,” he vowed.

XXX

Li: CUT! THAT'S A WRAP!

Kurama: That was so sad! sobs

Everyone on set: We know! squeal

Hiei: stares at Kurama's last shot How? shudders YOU! points accusingly at Li You made my fox cry!

Li: It was her! frantically pointing to Ava

Ava: Oh, thanks a lot! turns to flee for her life

Kurama: No, Hiei, don't hurt the little ningen writer! yells

Li: ignores the two members of her staff chasing around the room Okay, people, listen up! Good work today. We start shooting at the castle at nine tomorrow morning. I want you all there at five sharp for last minute prep, as usual. Now all of you go home, practice your lines, and get some sleep. You're looking a little worn around the eyes, Karasu. See you in the morning, bright and early!

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Okay, sorry it took so long to update. I promise it will not always take this long, but the only copy of the fic was halfway across the country with the plot mistress for three weeks, so I couldn't type it up. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible, but I'm going to be at my aunt's for three days and she has no computer, which you don't care about, but it's just an explanation for why the new chapter won't be up for at least a week or so and now I am officially rambling so I'll shut up REVIEW PLEASE!

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Reviewers' comments:

HauntedByKitsunes: LOL, thanks for the review. It was funny. And random. We like random. Hope you liked this chapter too! We're trying to make things as humorous as possible. (Well, Li-chan and Ava are. I'm hardly in the story at all. Not at all in this chapter, or the next one, I think. sighs) Anyway, I digress…just a quick moment of self-pity which is over now…REVIEW THIS CHAPTER, TOO, PLEASE!

AnimeChick13: Thanks for the review! And I'm glad it's different enough!

T.K. Yurikoto: Thanks for the review! And like I told HauntedByKitsunes, Ava and Li-chan worked hard to make it so!