Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Destroying Perfection ❯ Chapter 1

Aya: Yay! Another story!!
Kurama: *twitches uncontrollably*
Hiei: -.-+
Aya: ^^; I know, I’m a freak...for some reason, torturing my fave characters is fun...
Kurama: Little sadist...

Disclaimer: Aya does not own Yu Yu Hakusho, nor any other merchandise mentioned in this fic.

Warnings: self-mutilation, slight OOCness, suicide, somewhat gory, depressed and twisted thoughts, slight shounen ai

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Perfection.

It’s the one thing that everyone wishes they were. But nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. Perfect is a state of mind, keeping humans and demons alike to try and strive to be it. Those who have realized this are few. Then there are those who believe there are people who are perfect.

//Flashbacks//
"I'm sorry, Shuuichi-kun, but your mother did not make it."

"Hey, I heard what happened. I'm really sorry. How you holdin' up?"

"Don't be a fool. You can't keep it locked up."

"Oh Kurama! If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here!"

"Yo, Kurama! You okay?"

If I smile long enough, will it all go away?
//End Flashbacks//


I am not perfect. I am completely aware of this. I have my flaws, some big, some small, but they are there. Many disagree however. They claim I am perfect. They say I have everything I want, everything I need. But does that truly mean I am happy? Does that really mean I am perfect?

//Flashback//
"Hey, Kurama, come over here! I need your help with my homework."
"I'm on my way, Kuwabara."

"Should I really tell Yukina?"
"The decision is yours, Hiei."

"Jeez, Keiko's mad at me again! How would you apologize, eh, Kurama?"
"Well, I’m not too sure..."
"Oh, come on! You just don't wanna share your secret with me, do ya?"
//End Flashback//



I don't know. I don't care either way. What others think of me I hardly keep in mind. After all, if I am so perfect, then why should I care about what they think? Is that egotistical thinking? Probably. I wonder if perfect people have egotistical thoughts. Likely.

But I am not perfect. At least that's what I think. But does my thinking really count? Or am I just some model of their perfection? Am I just something they can strive to be, seeing as they could never reach perfection? But I couldn't either, so why me?

Besides, I don't have everything. If I did, would really spend time pondering perfection? I'm surprised they couldn't see. They were just as observant as I. Didn't they see that I am going down, deeper into the spiraling vortex that is my mind?

I have a leaf in my hand. I made it as sharp as a knife. I'm cutting my arms, cutting them up so bad. They're bleeding, and I’m still cutting. Tell me, does a perfect person do this?

It's still not enough. Am I still perfect? I look in the mirror. Empty emerald orbs greet my line of vision.

I can't be perfect.

I have a pine needle now, as sharp as a needle. My face, they said I was beautiful. It was perfect. It must not be perfect. I take my pine needle, jabbing it in and out of my cheeks. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. I have so many puncture holes in my face.

I'm not perfect.
I'm not perfect.

I'm lying on the floor now, on my side. Every part of me hurts. The blood is staining the carpet. My perfection is gone. I am no longer perfect.

But what is perfection? And how could I be perfect?

Is it because I smile when I actually want to cry? Is it because I act like its all okay? Is it because I don't let my real emotions show, because I wipe them all away, without a single trace? Maybe. Just maybe.

But how is that perfect?

I quickly heal myself. I pick myself up, examining my face and arms. No cuts or scars. I smiled, soullessly, into the mirror.

I am no longer perfect...

*~~~~~~*

"Hey fox..."

"Yes, Hiei?"

"...What is the most perfect thing to you?"

A ghostly smile lit up Kurama's usually calm face.

"I don't know Hiei. Maybe a rose. And you?"

"...You're perfect, Kurama. Absolutely perfect."

"Thank you, Hiei. But I already know how to end that."

"Nani?"

"...Its nothing."

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Aya: Review pleez! Sorry, but I don't take flames on suicide fics. Flaming reviews on fics like these are...scary....