Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Giant Pink Hamsters from Mars! ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

Anime_Poker_chik: Hiya! I'm new here!

Hiei:Keep in mind- she's blonde.

A.P.C- *starts smacking Hiei*

Yusuke: She usually forgets how to spell her own name…

A.P.C.- AAAAH SHUT UP! *starts slapping Yusuke*

Kurama: * sweatdrop* Hiei-is isn't nice to make fun of blondes. Yusuke, you shouldn't say things that you don't know are true.

A.P.C.- OOO KURAMA YOU"RE SO SWEET!!! *hugs Kurama * I'll give a special surprise at the end of this story!! Oh yeah-I don't own these Yu Yu Hakusho guys but they ARE my playthings! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

It Begins

Hiei was walking down the sidewalk a long ways in front of Kurama.

He looked real bored. Then something caught his eye. Up ahead he saw a blonde headed girl wearing a bright orange tank top and blue jeans. She was walking 3 CATS ON LEASHES! 3 KITTENS!!!!!! But it wasn't the kittens that caught Hiei's eye it was the girl. Sparkly green eyes and a reeeeeeeeally white smile and (according to Hiei) a body that looked like a zillion dollars.

She flashed him a smile, and he blushed. The girl giggled. As she walked past him, Hiei slapped her butt with a loud "SMACK!"

She stopped. * sweat drop like in anime*

The black kitten somehow or another got away from the leash and latched onto Hiei's arm. It was mad at Hiei.

"AAAAGH!" he flailed his arms around until the kitten fell off. He drew his sword and made to stab the kitten.

He glanced back at the girl. She hadn't moved but instead of 2 little kittens there was a big tiger and a jaguar! Hiei's eyes got big as skillets (I couldn't think of anything to compare big eyes to at the moment) he turned his head slowly back.

There was a really big black panther sitting angrily in front of him.

"Oh shit."

With one swipe the panther knocked the sword from hiei's hand.

"Oh shit!"

He turned around hoping to run away but there was the tiger and jaguar growling at him.

"OH SHIT!"

He leaped wildly for his sword. He got it. He faced the big cats and started swinging like he was a batter trying to hit all the balls from a broken mechanical-thing-that-shoots-balls-like-in-cartoons thingamajig. The cats just sat there, but he managed to knick one on the nose.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! I'M INVINCIBLE!!! I WONT BE A KITTY SNACK! NO WEAK ANIMAL CAN OVERCOME ME! NOT EVEN THE GIANT PINK HAMPSTERS FROM MARS! BWHAHAHAHA!!!"

*annoyed sigh * "Turn me off why don'tcha. And here I was thinking what a total hottie you were."

Hiei stopped and turned around. There was the same girl but she had sprouted a tiger striped tail and orange pointy ears! She now had on a blue, flouncey miniskirt with slits up the sides; a strapless, hot-pink shirt that laced up the sides and went up a little higher than her bellybutton; and little pink sneakers.

(I don't know how she changed so fast but have you ever noticed in anime that when someone transforms they always change clothes some how???)

"Don't look so surprised! I sensed that you were a demon so I turned into my demon form! I'm a kitten demon! I have the power to turn cute little kittens into big ferocious cats!" she said in a sugary voice.

"WOW! Your one hell of a sexy demon!" drooled Hiei. "MUST SLAP DEMON-GIRL ASS!" He dived for her skirt.

"EEK!" squealed Kitty

(I was too lazy to think up a name. I had written `eek' and `squealed' b4 I wrote in kitty. Im not real creative with names)

She kicked hiei in the nuts.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK THAT HURT!"

"Well no shit Sherlock it was supposed to!!!"

The big cats had turned to kittens again and they all jumped on Hiei. Finally Kurama caught up.

"Hiei, what the hell-Whoa…" he stared at the cute, kitten demon.

Hiei had finally gotten free of the kittens.

"THEYRE KILLERS I TELL YA! KILLERS! THEY WILL SPAWN AND MUTATE AND SUCK OUT OUR BRAINS!!!" then, "OHMYGOD! WHAT IF THE MUTANT CATS ARE IN LEAGUE AGAINST THE GIANT PINK HAMPSTERS??? ALL IS LOST!"

"Um, is he always like this?" asked Kitty, a little worried about the crazed Hiei. She had made her fingernails turn into needle-sharp claws, just in case Kurama tried to do anything dirty. He was studying her (extremely) feminine figure a little too closely for her liking.

"It used to only be when he ate sugar, but now he goes crazy nearly everyday." Little did Kurama know that underneath that long black cape of Hiei's, lay concealed a bag of Field's ungranulated sugar …………………….……R 30;………………..

After Hiei had finished his ranting and raving, he just passed out.

Kitty retracted her claws and ran over to Hiei. Kurama followed.

"I think he just hyperventilated. Got too excited, that's all," said Kitty. "We can take him to my place and let him rest."

So Kurama picked up the unconscious Hiei, and Kitty gathered up the kittens. They walked for only half a block. They carried Hiei up to the girl's room and laid him on the bed. Kitty wet a rag and dabbed his forehead. After about 5 minutes, he revived.

"You ok?" asked Kitty, smiling at Hiei.

"I'm fine," he said coldly. He realized who he was talking to and tried to change his attitude. "Thanks anyway."

"Would you like something to eat?" she asked the two guys. Kurama shook his head.

"I'm just dying for a beer, though."

Hiei thought a minute. "Don't want anything. But you got any cigarettes? Ah hell a beer would be good too."

"No problem!" Kitty walked over to her closet, pushed a bunch of clothes to the side, and uncovered her little refrigerator. She dug around until she pulled out a six-pack of Budweiser. She fished around some more and pulled out a six-pack of Smirnoff Triple Black.

"Here you go boys!" she said, plopping the beer on the bed. She crossed over to a drawer, opened it, and started throwing panties and bras all over the room. Kurama and Hiei were being bombarded by lingerie " Now where the hell did my cigarettes go?" She found them stuffed inside a bra. She tossed it behind her. It landed on Kurama's head.

"What the-hey!" he exclaimed. "It's tie-dyed!"

"And here's the lighter! Have a cigarette Hi-,"she stopped. "ei. Um, where's Hiei?"

"I'm right where you left me," growled a pile of Kitty's underclothes.

"AAAAAH! My underwear has COME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!"

"GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!" *SHIIING!*

Silver streaks filled the air. Pieces of blue, green, pink, yellow and any color you can think of, flew through the air like confetti. When everything had settled, there was Hiei standing on the bed with his sword drawn with little pieces of girlie underclothes stuck all over his body. "I-am-NOT-a-clothes-rack!!!" he said through gritted teeth.

The sight of Hiei covered in pieces of her lingerie was too much for Kitty. She exploded into a fit of giggles. Seeing her laugh so hard made Kurama start laughing. This pissed off Hiei even more.

"STOP LAUGHING!" The more Hiei protested, the more the other two laughed until finally the nasty came out of the black haired cutie.

He leaped off the bed, and stuck the tip of his sword right on Kitty's throat. Kurama immediately hushed, but the kitten demon just kept giggling.

"Goddammit! I said QUIT!!!" he poked a little harder and almost brought blood.

"Cool it," said Kitty sharply. Hiei growled.

"I SAID COOL IT!" she opened her mouth and screamed. It was so high pitched, it brought blood to the guys' ears. She kept screaming. The windows shattered into a million shards. She kept screaming. Hiei's sword split. She stopped. "Like I said, cool it."

Then she noticed Kurama's and Hiei's ears were bleeding.

"Oh did I do that???? I'm so sorry! I had to get my scream higher to break the sword," she explained. " I never meant to hurt you!! I didn't know it would do that." She looked really sad. "Here let me fix it!"

She went over and kissed the boys ears and made it quit bleeding.

"There! I was blessed with healing kisses!!!"

Hiei blushed bright scarlet.

Kurama bit his tongue. "Hey my tongue's bleeding! Will you heal it??"

"How dumb do you think I am? Anyway, help yourselves to the cigarettes and beer!" With that she lit a cig and popped open a beer.

Kurama opened two. Hiei grabbed one then got a cigarette. He couldn't figure out how to work the lighter so he made a fireball in his hand and lit it that way. "Um…very interesting" said Kitty.

Kurama said, "Hey, you look too young to be able to drink and smoke. How do you keep this stuff hidden from your mom?" He had already chugged his first two drinks and reached for another.

"Easy," she said, opening another beer. "She is NEVER home. She might drop by once a month MAYBE. She just doesn't have anything to do with me but I don't really care. I don't like her anyway. She goes out and parties all the time. Stays gone for days and days and days. Sleeps with any man she can get a hold of. Spends all her money. I make money by watching people's pets while they're at work." *lit another cig*

"Don't you get lonely here by yourself all the time?" asked Hiei.

"Yeah, I do, but I deal with it." Then, "HEY! What if you guys came and lived with me! That would be soooooooooooooo freaking cool!"

Hiei thinks. "Ok I will." He opens another beer.

"Um, what about your mom? Will she let you?"

Hiei glares. Kurama answers for him. "Um well…he's older than you think, so he can live anywhere without asking anyone permission. Besides," he said in a whisper, "his mom is dead."

"Ooooooooohhh."

"I never have to ask permission anyway. I'll do whatever I want," said Hiei.

"Ok, well what about you Kurama? Will you live here?"

"I would, but my mother probably wouldn't let me." Said Kurama.

"Well, you could live with me in the daytime! Or nighttime," she said, casting a sneaky stare at the gorgeous redhead.

"Ok, I'll ask her!" he said. He didn't need much convincing after hearing Kitty's last statement.

"All right!" They all opened another beer (Kurama's fourth, Kitty's third and Hiei's third) and toasted. Kurama drained his and opened a fifth. He was feeling really good right now. Kitty was starting to feel a little tipsy, but she grabbed the last beer anyway. She pulled out a six-pack of Michelob. By midnight, the pack was gone. Kitty had drunk one, Kurama had drunk two and Hiei had the last three. A pack of Newcastle Brown Ale was brought in. By two in the morning, Kurama had drunk three more and Hiei downed two. Kitty had still only drunk one.

They had all gotten to know each other intimately since all that liquor loosened their lips. Kitty found that she loved Kurama's caring attitude, his overall personality, and obviously his face. Emerald eyes. Red hair. Nice complexion.

"He likes to drink a lot though," she thought. She loved Hiei's bad-ass attitude. He was fun to tick off.

"He's not a loving and caring as Kurama, but just as cute! Too bad he's so short," she thought as she looked at him. Hard body. Black and white spiked hair. "Two little bishounens, right here in my room!!!"

They all started to get hungry, so Kitty called Dominoes.

"Yeah I would like a large hand-tossed pizza, half pepperoni and half chee-," she was cut short by a loud `WHOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO' upstairs.

Pizza dude: What the-???

Kitty: AND HALF CHEESE!! And I would like a thin crust with ham and pina- (cut off)

"

Upstairs: I WANT HUMAN BLOOD!!!!"

Pizza dude: Tha HELL??? Miss do you need the police???

Kitty: AND PINAPPLE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

She hurried up and gave him the address and ran up the stairs

"What the hell where you guys doing up here? That pizza dude asked if I needed…the…police…"

There was Kurama half naked with her bra on holding two(and freshly opened) beer bottles in his hands, and standing on her bed singing some weird demon song. Hiei had obviously dug through Kitty's fridge because there was a new six-pack of Coors Light on the scene. There was one bottle left. Hiei had drunk two, and was working on another, and Kurama was drinking two. The little fire demon was running around in only his underwear, which had little red rocket ships on them, screaming-

"OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! THE HAMSTERS HAVE CONTROL OVER KURAMA!" A kitten had leaped onto his head. It was getting ticked off at Hiei's screaming. Then, "BLOODY HELL! IT'S GONNA SUCK OUT MY BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

Kitty started figuring.

"Let's see add two. That makes, um, 12 for Kurama. Add two to Hiei plus the one he's working on that makes…11 altogether. No wonder they've gone loco." She grabbed the last drink so they couldn't get it. Then she noticed the empty sugar bag. "Uh-oh."

She went over and sipped Hiei's beer. "EEEEEEEW GAGAGAGAGAGAG!!!!!" Just as she had suspected it was full of sugar.

"Great," she moaned. "just great.

DING DONG!

Kitty rushed down the stairs. She smoothed out her skirt and made her tail and ears go away. She opened the door.

The pizza dude was Yusuke!

"Yusuke? From school??!!" Kitty liked Yusuke.

"Yeah it's me. Here's your pizza. $7 even."

She fished out a 10-dollar bill from her pocket. "Hey who's the driver?"

"Oh that's just Tom. He drives me around since I can't," he said as he counted out change. "$3 is your chan-WHAT THE HELL??????"

A guy with red hair and wearing a bra ran down the stairs to the fridge and started digging around. A little short dude in rocket ship underwear and a cat on his head came bounding down afterwards. He started pulling kitchen utensils out of a drawer. "HIEI????? KURAMA!!!!!!!????????"

The two turned around and looked at Yusuke.

"Glad you made it Yusuke! The hamsters have arrived.. they had taken over Kurama but I managed to pull him out from under the mind control laser ..hurry up and get in or you'll be next!!!" babbled Hiei, all in one breath.

"Oh god, not the hamster thing again!!!" sighed Kitty. "They're just drunk. That's all."

"Here put this pot over your head," said Kurama, tossing a bean pot to Yusuke, who only stood there with a totally lost expression on his face. "It will deflect the lasers. The only way to kill them is-OH MY GOD!!!"

Kitty and Yusuke turned around. Instead of the driver, Tom, there was a giant Pink hamster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

APC: Dum, Dum, duhhh…