Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Giant Pink Hamsters from Mars! ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter TWO!!!!

All four started running to the closet. After they all squeezed in, Hiei and Kurama, still holding a dozen culinary items, explained the situation.

Kurama: as I was saying, the only way to kill them is by flinging cultured dairy products at them! Like cheese or yogurt for example.

Hiei: if you don't have any of those, boogers work just fine too. You can mortally wound them that way.

Kurama: like I also said, wearing a pot or pan, or anything metal for that matter, deflects the mind control rays.

Yusuke: Do you REALLY expect me to run around with a pot on my head flinging cheese and boogers at oversized hamsters???

*Kurama and Hiei nod.*

Kitty: What happened to the driver? Did the hamster eat him???

Hiei: Nope. Have you ever seen the Matrix? *Yusuke and kitty nod* Well it's sorta like the agents. They can inhabit any body they choose. Only they aren't quite as strong as agents.

Suddenly, the whole house shook.

"THEY"RE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

After much clanging around, the little quartet of warriors was outfitted in armor. All four had pots on their heads. Yusuke was armed with a ladle, Kitty with a spatula, Kurama with a skillet, and Hiei with a cheese grater. Strung around their shoulders with twisty ties were cheese, yogurt, one-pint buttermilk jugs, and sour cream tubs. They also had water guns filled with milk and yogurt.

Kitty asked, "If we have the water guns, what do we need the other weapons for?"

"They have a different weapon than a laser gun. A very formidable weapon. It's a type of gun that shoots VEGETABLES AT YOU!!!!!!!" cried Hiei.

"What's wrong with veggies?" asked Yusuke.

" THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!" screamed the other three in horror.

"If they touch you, it will hurt, but if it gets in your mouth and you swallow it," explained Kurama, "it will kill you on the spot."

"So block the veggies with the kitchen tools?" "Yes."

"All right. LET'S KICK SOME HAMSTER ASS!!!" with that, Yusuke barged out of the closet, the others following.

Kitty went upstairs. Hiei took the kitchen so the enemy couldn't get the vegetables in the fridge to use as weapons. Kurama patrolled all the downstairs. Yusuke took the yard outside.

At first, Kitty didn't see any sign of the hamsters until she went into the computer room. There she saw a huge, steaming blob of brown goo on top of the computer monitor.

"There is only one thing in this house other than Hiei that could've left behind such a big pile of shit," she growled. She heard a noise behind her.

"A GIANT PINK HAMSTER!!!!!!"

She wheeled around and just as she said, a giant pink hamster stood in the doorway, grinning evilly at her and wielding its veggie blaster.

"YOU CAN"T ESCAPE!" said the hamster in a squeak so loud, it hurt. Its claw fingered with the trigger of the gun. Kitty tried to shoot her gun, but the trigger was locked in place. She froze in horror………………………..

Meanwhile, Yusuke was scouting out the back yard.

"I feel like a total idiot," he muttered. "I've been out here for 5 freaking minutes and I still haven't seen-," WHAM! He turned around.

"A giant pink hamster."

He grinned. He pointed the gun at the Pink fuzzy rodent.

WHAM! WHAM!

He looked over his shoulder. Two more hamsters had dropped from the trees behind him!

"Oh Damn. I'm in a tight spot." He turned back to the first hamster. Without warning, it shot a celery stick at Yusuke.

"AAAAGH!!!" he swung the ladle and deflected the green veggie. It smacked the hamster in the eye, and knocked it out. The other two growled and bared their teeth.

"NO ONE HURTS OUR KIND AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!" they squeaked and fired their guns. A cucumber and another celery stick flew at Yusuke. He smacked one away. The other hit his leg.

"Ow!" there was a burn on his leg. "OK NOW IM PISSED!"

He pumped his water gun and fired a blast of milk and yogurt.

In that one shot, it hit both hamsters in the face. Immediately, the fur and skin on their face melted away, all the while they were shrieking in pain. The deadly dairy products burned all the way through their skulls and fried their brains. They fell face down in the dirt-dead. SQUISH!

"That was really gross," said Yusuke. He turned and shot the knocked out hamster in the face and its brain got fried too. He pumped his gun so he wouldn't waste time doing it later. "Wonder how everyone else is faring…"

Upstairs, Kitty was having problems with her gun.

"Come on, SHOOT you mother fu-," A mass of green peas came soaring at her. "EEKS!" She smacked them away with her spatula. She missed one and it hit her arm, burning a little hole in the skin.

"Holy shit. It's a SHOT GUN!!!" The hamster fired another round of peas. Kitty leaped away just in time. One pea burned a couple of strands of her hair, missing her mouth by mere inches. Fed up with playing hit and run, Kitty opened a little cardboard jug of buttermilk and flung it at the hamster. It splashed all over its fat pink belly. With a sickening sizzling sound, the buttermilk ate through the tender skin and all the way to the hamster's insides. Gastric juices and intestines spilled all over the floor. The hamster fell over in a pool of its own blood.

"That was seriously disgusting." She sat down to fix the trigger on her gun.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Hiei was having problems. Four pink hamsters were trying to get in the doorway. It was wide enough for two hamsters to get through side-by-side. He could've killed them, but a (slightly) smaller hamster had gotten into the air ducts, and was trying to open the vent in the kitchen. Hiei was looking back and forth.

"If I turn my attention to the big hamsters, the littler one will crawl in. If I deal with the little one, the big ones with storm the kitchen," he was muttering. Then he got an idea.

Grabbing two tubs of sour cream from his shoulder `holsters', he threw them at the big rodents. At the same time he aimed at the little hamster in the vent, and fired his gun at full blast. The sour cream totally incinerated two big hamsters. All they were now was a pile of blood and fried guts. His shot at the little one missed.

The vent popped open, and out crawled not one little hamster, but 10!!!

"Shit. Damn. Fuck," he spat.

The two big hamsters had entered the kitchen.

"Oh, piss." The little hamsters leaped all over Hiei's body and bit him.

"AAAAAH THEIR GONNA SUCK OUT MY BODILY FLUIDS! GET OFF OF ME YOU SHIT-SUCKING LITTLE VAMPIRES!!!"

*THUMP!*

A carrot landed straight in Hiei's open mouth. The pain made him stop screaming. He spit it out, along with blood.

"Thank heaven I didn't swallow it," he took his cheese grater and rubbed it furiously against a little hamster. It shrieked and dug its teeth into his arm. The big hamsters had reloaded their guns. Both of them were aiming at Hiei.

"Dammit!" he moaned.

The guns were cocked and loaded. The hamsters grinned.

"YOU DIE NOW!!!!!!!" Suddenly…

*SPLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* *SIZZLESIZZLESIZZLE* *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Both hamsters fell dead with perfect holes burned through their hearts.

Kurama stood in the doorway, reloading his gun.

" Stand still Hiei!" With unmatched precision, he shot every one of the hamsters off Hiei.

"Thanks man! I owe you one," said Hiei gratefully.

"Don't mention it."

AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

"Kitty!!!" they both screamed. Yusuke ran into the house. "What's going on???? Is Kitty ok??" They found out real soon.

She tumbled down the stairs head over heels with a large burn on her shoulder. "Ugh" she moaned.

"Kitty, Kitty! Are you ok?" asked the boys. Kurama seemed especially concerned.

"OK??? I just got hit with a giant potato! What do you think???" then she got scared. "That…that hamster…he's so HUGE. I shot with my gun, but he just kept coming. And he's BLUE!!! It's not pink, its BLUE!"

Hiei got wide-eyed. "Oh god…it's the LEADER! He's the most powerful one! The veggies he shoots are bigger. He's stronger. And worst of all, he's BLUE!!!!!!"

"I think you need to get your priorities straight," said Yusuke. Hiei didn't even get to make a smart-aleck remark. He just stared. At the top of the stairs, stood the most enormous, the ugliest, the most BLUEST hamster they had ever seen (actually the only one they had ever seen). Drool collected into a puddle at its feet. Its teeth looked like spears. Its blue fur was shaggy and full of burrs.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *group hug like in anime when peeps are scared*

It lumbered down the stairs.

"Scatter and run!!!" shouted Kurama. The four broke apart and ran all around the room, making it impossible for the blue mutant to get a clear shot at them. Kitty got a brilliant idea.

"Pump your guns!!!" they obeyed, since they didn't have any better ideas. "On my call, fire your guns and throw your whole shoulder holsters at it!"

The hamster was angry. He roared a great terrible roar that shook the house and knocked the lightweight Kurama to his knees.

"Fire in the hole!" screamed Kitty. Streams of milk and yogurt splashed into the monster's gaping maw. Shoulder holsters landed at its feet and their contents burst open onto the blue fiend. It roared again in agony. Its insides were literally ablaze. Its legs melted away into black sludge. The milk and yogurt mixture was seeping towards its brain. Intestines and all sorts of entrails spilt all in the floor. Although, it was on the verge of death, it had a clear shot at one human-Kurama. He was still on his knees from the previous roar, and then was unable to get up because of the second roar. He was defenseless: he had no holster now, and his water gun was empty. The dying hamster shot.

A wad of green spinach sailed towards Kurama. It hit him right in the mouth. He was so surprised, he didn't even think and swallowed it. The pain wracked his body. He could feel the green slimy vegetable nourishing his body. It was more than he could stand. He fell backwards, coughing and gagging up blood.

"KURAMA!" screamed Kitty. She rushed over to him, while the other two followed. She cradled the lifeless boy gently in her arms. Tears came to her eyes. "Kurama…"

Hiei whispered in her ear. She perked up but she blushed slightly.

"Do you think it will work?" she asked uncertainly.

"Never know till you try."

She leaned over his face. She wiped the blood from his mouth. Sighing, she softly laid her lips on Kurama's, holding it for a moment. Yusuke looked away like "ew, mushy", and Hiei watched, a little jealous, because he wasn't getting the kiss. Kitty felt Kurama's lips move under hers. He was returning the kiss.

She pulled away and smiled a smile of pure joy.

"You're alive!!!" she squealed. "Hiei, you were right! It DID work!

She was so happy, she rushed into the kitchen and pulled out ANOTHER six-pack; this time it was Miller Light.

"Who's ready for round six?"

It Ends

APC: Ta-da!