Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Hail to the Butt Doctor ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

APC: Hi there everyone!!! I'm new to mediaminer.org! ^_^ Since one story got kicked off fanfiction.net, I removed it, along with my other ones and posted them here! Long live mm.org!!! To those unfamiliar with me…I'm random. Need I say more? I also moved here because:

I've also wrote some non-random things, but no one reads them because they have read the ones the I have here and doubt that I can be a serious writer, too! So no one reads the other stories. So all my random stories go here! ^_^

*Disclaimer thing-I…grrrr….I….I don't…grrrrrrrrrrrrr…ooo I DON'T OWN ANY YUYU HAKUSHO CHARACTERS!!!!! JUST A BUNCH OF DRAWINGS THAT I DID!!!…there…rrrrrrr I said it………………….

Hail to the Butt Doctor

Kurama and Yusuke sat playing Clue.

Yusuke: Ok I think Senor Ketchup killed Mr. Bootie with twenty tons of nerve gas in the telephone booth. And I would like to buy a hotel to put on Boardwalk, and since I got married, I get to spin again to collect presents.

Kurama: *looking at instructions* I don't what version YOUR playing, but I know it isn't what I'M playing. I thought we only collected presents if the king gets put in checkmate.

Yusuke: You collect presents when you get married, roll doubles, have kids, checkmate the king, and if you draw a `'Get out of jail" card. I think that's to pay your bail.

Kurama: Ooooooh. How long has Hiei been in the bathroom?

Yusuke: *looks at watch* A good ten minutes. He DID eat a bunch of cheese and anchovy tacos. *looks out window* Hey, does Hiei USUALLY pinch loaves in the back yard?

Kurama rushed to the window. There was Hiei squatting next to a tree, holding a roll of toilet paper in his hands.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Kurama rushed outside and screamed at Hiei.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU DAMNED IDIOT???" he hollered, yanking the toilet paper out of Hiei's hands. "SAVE THE TREES!!!"

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to wipe my ass with?!" Hiei yelled back.

"I said save the trees," Kurama slowly repeated. "So, wipe your ass with an owl." He jumped up and hauled a bird out of the tree. "Here."

"Thanks," said Hiei. Suddenly he leaped into the air, screaming. "AAAAAGH! THAT BIRD JUST TOOK A CHUNK OUT OF MY DAMN BUTT!!!!

"Never fear! The butt-healer is here!"

All three of the boys stared (-ly adverb here) at a blonde girl that floated down from the air.

"I think you aught to know, that that was a very wise and noble thing you did Kurama! Saving the trees and all," she said.

"And I think you aught to know," said Yusuke looking up the floating girl's short green miniskirt, "that camouflage panties suit you quite nicely."

She lifted up her skirt and examined her panties. "Wow, you really think so? My boyfriend hates these ones."

"Can you REALLY heal my butt?" asked a skeptical and impatient (and gawking) Hiei.

"But of course!" she said, whipping out a card and handing to Kurama.

"I'm Samantha Michelle Angelita Bobita Skrita Dita Janice Laskosha Shyamalan the seventy-second and a half; certified butt-healer. I heal hemorrhoids, bruises, cuts, scrapes, broken butt bones, infected butt-piercings, and a large variety of other maladies!"

"I see," said a bewildered Kurama. He was still a bit flustered from the girl's panty-showing, the fact that she was a butt doctor, and the incredibly long name she had. "Um, since your shirt has the Sprite logo in it, can I just call you Sprite?"

"Yes."

Hiei: CAN YOU PLEASE HEAL MY BUTT NOW?

Sprite: Ok ok. Now bend over. *Hiei does* Hmmmm I see. Big chunk gone, lots of bleeding, and very bruised. Not just a light greenish bruise, but a great big bruise!

Hiei: What color is it?

Sprite: It's like a…a um…it's like hickie-on-a-hemmeroid purple. *takes out marker and starts drawing dots all over Hiei's butt*

Hiei: That tickles! Soooo…can you fix it?

Sprite: Well yeah. *caps marker, takes something out of pocket*

Hiei: What's- YAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! *claps hand over butt* What the hell did you just shove up my ass?????!!!!!!

Sprite: A marble. It keeps you from pooping on me. That's a common reaction with this kind of treatment. *flicks fingers-needle appear in between them* Just relax.

Suddenly, she flicked every needle into its appointed dot with lightning fast speed. Hiei jerked and yelled.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! then-Hey…it doesn't hurt anymore where the bird bit me!

"Hey, hot chick! Acupuncture my butt too! How bout it?" said Yusuke.

"No."

"Will you shove a marble up my butt?"

"No."

"Then, will you pierce it?"

"No"

"Tattoo?"

"No!"

"Yusuke Urameshi! She doesn't want anything to do with your butt, and I don't blame her!"

A teenage Koenma appeared from behind the tree. "I have a new case for you and your buddies. In the magical town of Bolagnaville, the deli-food peasants are revolting. Evil deli chefs come into the town and poach them, but it seems that King Idunno Whatimmadeof has actually been SACRIFICING certain lunchmeat peasants to the chefs in order to appease the feared Sandwich god! Your job is to quell the peasants, and appease the sandwich god."

"How do I appease a SANDWICH god???" asked Yusuke.

"Well, duh," said Koenma, "with sandwiches of course! I swear you're a bloody idiot."

"I've had dealings with sandwich DEMONS before. They're usually content with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I suspect a god would be harder to please," said Kurama. "If he's poaching the deli-meat citizens of the town, then he must be carnivorous."

"Why don't we just put Koenma in a blender, and send him a Koenma-milkshake?" laughed Yusuke.

"Because he's a SANDWICH god, baka!!!" yelled Sprite, knocking in the back of the head with her foot.

"You know, those panties DO suit you nicely," said Kurama.

Koenma: *sweatdrop* Heh..heh…anyway, you all need to get there as soon as possible. We can't have any more horrific sacrifices. Ta-ta. *looks over to Sprite before he disappears* Will you tattoo my butt?

Sprite: NO!!!!!

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Hey! Please R&R! If I get enough good reviews, I'll post the other chappie!