Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Impotence ❯ Chapter 1

IMPOTENCE


Hiei used his jagan eye to watch Kuwabara sleep while he sat on the human's roof.
"Can't sleep either, eh?" Shizuru said from a few feet behind him.
Hiei just grunted.
"So how come I'm not hearing grunting sounds from my brother's room? I know Kaz is kind of old-fashioned but you two have been going out long enough for you to start bothering me with obnoxiously loud sex."
Hiei grunted again and lit Shizuru's cigarette by looking at it.
"Thanks. You know, I won't stop asking personal questions until I get some answers."
"We're having difficulties. Sexually."
Shizuru let out an elongated "Oooooohhhhhhhh." which seemed to last forever before lapsing into an awkward silence.

"There's more," Hiei added just as Shizuru started to regret getting curious about her brother's sex life. "I'm meeting his human friends tomorrow. They think Kuwabara has been dating a woman he met over the internet."
"No need to worry on that account, Hiei. Okubo and the gang are dumbass thugs but really good guys deep down. As for the sex stuff, well....Kazuma's never been attracted to another guy before. Give him time."
Hiei grunted once more and Shizuru left him alone finally.

When he refocused his jagan eye back on Kuwabara he found him no longer in bed and standing behind him tying his robe.
"Hey, Firefly, what's up? Besides you, I mean."
"Why do you insist on that inane pet name?"
Kuwabara shrugged and sat down next to the fire demon. "I could call you cuddle-kitten."
"Firefly will suffice."
Kuwabara started to take Hiei's hand but remembered his feelings about public affection. "Don't worry about what the guys will think of you. I'm the one who might lose his friends after this. What's for you to lose?" As usual, Hiei didn't say what he was thinking leaving Kuwabara to guess. "Don't worry. If they make me decide I'm going to go with the best kisser. Okubo."
Hiei took the human seriously for a moment then grinned and punched him in the arm causing it to go numb.
"Come to bed, Hiei. We got a full day tomorrow."

When morning came and Kuwabara woke up alone in bed he panicked...just like every other time he woke alone.
"Oh shit. Fuck.....why me?"
Shizuru knocked on his door and told him that Hiei went for a walk and didn't leave for good and to stop being so damned insecure.

The fire demon returned with assorted flavors of coffee and Shizuru turned on her fake sweetness.
"What a considerate little fire demon, brother. You should fuck him."
Both Kuwabara and Hiei winced and avoided eye contact until Shizuru left.
As they left Kuwabara had to state that his sister was blunt and crude but meant well.

As they waited to meet Kuwabara's friends the human started to sing softly. Hiei often commented on the hideousness of his rusty chainsaw voice but secretly enjoyed the human's renditions of Leonard Cohen's songs. Somewhere in the middle of "Dance Me To The End Of Love" Hiei realized he had totally forgotten his nervousness.

As Hiei snapped out of his song-induced trance he noticed Kuwabara's friends at the end of the block in a fight with another gang. He rushed over there as Kuwabara calmly strolled over with his hands in his pockets while humming.

"Not so easy to spread rumors with your teeth knocked out, is it, punk?" Okubo asked one of the bleeding thugs on the ground.
"What's going on, guys?" Kuwabara asked as he observed the rest of his gang pummeling the only standing member of the other gang.
"This bastard here," Okubo pointed out the thug in question by kicking him in the ribs "was spreading rumors that you were a fag."
Hiei visibly tensed and Kuwabara felt the fire demon was about to kill everyone within a block radius.

"Funny you should mention that, Okubo...." Kuwabara took Hiei's hand. "You know that girl I've been dating? This is him."
Both gangs paused their fighting.
Okubo looked at Kuwabara and then at Hiei and then back at Kuwabara who smiled and nodded. A giant smile then eclipsed the chubby thug's face and he took Hiei's hand and began shaking it. "So, you're Hiei, huh? Good to meet you."
Okubo then paused and closed his eyes. "Damn, I guess we beat up these guys for no reason."
Hiei rubbed his chin. "Hmmm.....I assume what they meant was something derogatory."
"Good point." Okubo gestured for the rest of the gang to continue the beating as he walked with Kuwabara and Hiei to the end of the block.

"To tell the truth this is a little weird, but I'm okay with it." Okubo took Hiei to the side out of earshot of Kuwbara. "I know he doesn't look it, but Kuwabara's a sensitive guy. Be sure to treat him right. It was good to meet you, Hiei. Do you want a souvenir from one of these guys?" He asked as he pointed to the beaten thugs.
"A couple of teeth maybe."

After the beating Hiei and Kuwabara met up with the gang at the empty basketball court which was the boundary of their territory. As Hiei relaxed he told embarrassing stories of Kuwabara being beaten by demons. The humans countered with stories of Kuwabara being beaten up by Yusuke Urameshi.
Despite the almost crippling embarrassment Kuwabara was glad that his friends and boyfriend got along so well.

On the walk home Hiei fondled the bloody teeth Okubo had given him.
"For humans, they were surprisingly tolerable."
Kuwabara smiled as he rolled his eyes. "Oh please, Hiei. I saw you crack a smile once while talking with them. Don't worry, though, I won't tell anyone that you enjoyed the company of a group of humans."

That night they laid in Kuwabara's bed and stared at the ceiling.
"No pressure, Hiei. I can wait."
After nearly an hour of silence Hiei stated that the problem didn't lie with Kuwabara but with himself but the human was already asleep.

Once again Hiei adjourned to the roof only for Shizuru to get in the way again.
"Don't worry about me," she said without looking back with her feet dangling off the roof's edge. "I learned my lesson about asking personal questions. I still can't get the mental picture of you and Kaz bumping uglies out of my head."
Hiei surprised both the human and himself by sitting beside her. "I can't seem to get the picture into my head."
Shizuru took an intentionally long drag on her cigarette to buy time. "I know Kaz isn't good looking by anybody's standards, but...."
"No, it's not that." Hiei sighed and decided to bow to someone with more experience with human men. "I'll be blunt. His weakness scares me. I am not well liked in the makai, I am also heir to a powerful demon which causes more animosity towards me. Whether someone kills him to get to me or uses him to manipulate me, Kuwabara is a weakness I can't afford."
Shizuru stood up and put a sympathetic hand on the fire demon's shoulder before turning in for the night. "Hiei, that's probably the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. You really need to get to know your boyfriend better."

Once again Kuwabara awoke alone and panicked, only this time Shizuru didn't tell him he was being insecure.
"Hiei said he had something to take care of in the Makai."
Kuwabara nodded and started to pour himself a bowl of cereal before his eyes widened and he hurried to get dressed and leave muttering something about "that little three-eyed punk."

The red pinky-string of love leading Kuwabara to Hiei was used for the first time to find the fire demon in order to kick his ass.
Most people pretended not to notice the tall man with the orangish-red hair muttering to himself following what looked to be an invisible string tied to his pinky. The ones that got in his way weren't in his way for long.
Once he made his way into the makai Hiei was easy to find even among all the strong demon presences he felt.

In the midst of a battle with a large powerful soul-eating demon Hiei paused and winced as the demon in front of him was impaled upon an extended spirit sword and pinned to a far wall behind him.
"Damn."
"Your damn right 'damn', Hiei." Kuwabara sighed and looked over to Kurama who smiled but looked awkward. "Hey, Kurama, would you give us a minute, please?"
The kitsune bowed his head and left awkwardly.

Hiei cut the second-to-last demon in half and turned to the human. "This needed tending to and you were asleep."
"So this was all to save me some sleep. My sister's right, you are considerate. We both know that's bullshit, though. I know I'm not very smart but I know that you're not the considerate type, Hiei."
Hiei tried to divert Kuwabara's attention to the demon who was pulling himself toward them despite being impaled upon Kuwabara's sword. Kuwabara manipulated a series of jagged edges jutting from his sword making the pulling process all the more difficult and painful all without taking his eyes off Hiei.
"I didn't see any reason to involve you in a situation where you could have gotten hurt needlessly."
Kuwabara desperately wanted to say something clever but settled with a profane stream of consciousness diatribe. When he finished he checked on the demon he had impaled and relinquished his spirit sword when he saw it died not halfway through getting to him and then left to go home.

In between of imagining scenarios of Hiei being brutally tortured it occurred to Kuwabara what his role in their relationship was. He was the woman. The damsel in distress whose job was to lean on his man for everything and be protected and comforted by him. He found it painfully ironic considering that was the kind of woman he had been attracted to in the past and how he played Hiei's role in his relationship with Yukina.

As Kuwabara muttered past him, Kurama took the opportunity to once again act as translator between this newly joined couple.
"Hiei, may we talk?"
"No."
"Very well. I will talk. Not involving Kuwabara in what was a meager battle was a grave mistake on your part. You must keep in mind that while Kuwabara is weaker than some he is still stronger than most. Not being born with much power he feels proud of the ability he has and rightfully so. I didn't think I had to spell things out like this for you, but apparently I gave you too much credit."
The little fire demon rolled two of his three eyes. "I don't see why I should be so mindful of every one of that fool's emotions."
Kurama couldn't help but grin as he turned to walk away. "Yes, it's not as if you're in a relationship with him."

As soon as he entered the Kuwabara household Hiei inquired as to Kuwabara's whereabouts to which Shizuru answered: "Off doing something stupid most likely."
When he asked her to elaborate she said she wasn't that psychic.

Hiei managed to put together the equation that Kuwabara + X = Doing Something Stupid. When it dawned on him what the value of X was, Hiei ran full tilt all the way back to the Makai.
X equaled Kuwabara going to the Makai to pick a fight with demons who far outclassed him.

Hiei was equally adept at finding Kuwabara as the human was at finding him.
Running full tilt to the Makai hadn't left much time for looking where he was going. Finding himself at a demon training facility wasn't a pleasant surprise.

"Kuwabara, you idiot. If you live through this I'm going to kill you."

He pushed his way through a mass of demons flooding into the front door then sped towards a familiar looking demon oiling a sword.
"I had a feeling you would be involved in this, Fraze."
The strong B-Class demon gave his sword a quick swipe and splattered sword oil onto Hiei's shoes.

"I handle most of the training excercises here. It's not my fault your pet human volunteered. Do you want to join the fray? Maybe you could euthanize it before one of the more eager trainees gets to your pet."
"I take it you will be taking part in this senseless murder you call training."
Fraze slowly examined his sword and put it back in its scabbard. "I had no idea that human whining could be sexually transmitted. Yes, Hiei I will be taking part. Mukuro herself wanted to see what he was made of. Her heir can't choose just anybody as a mate, you know? I must be going. If I don't get there early I won't get a good spot and I want to have first shot at the human."

"Fraze?"
"Yes, Hiei?"
"If he doesn't kill you. I will. Keep this in mind."
Fraze smiled and chuckled. "I'll try to save you his head."

Hiei found Kuwabara in a small empty room firing shards of spirit energy into a far wall.
"Are you going to stop this or am I going to have to disable you and carry you out?"
Kuwabara turned and smiled. "I had a feeling you would find me. That's why I knew I'd have to do something to let me convince you to let me do this."
His right hand started to glow with spirit energy and Hiei knew his plan before the human opened his mouth.
"If you try to stop me I will put all of my spirit and life energy into one spirit shuriken and fire it into the wall. Even you're not fast enough to stop that. If I fight I might have a chance to live but if I fire this shuriken I'll die just like that," he said snapping his fingers at the end.

Hiei was struck silent as Kuwabara put on his fighting headband of love and took a deep breath before walking to the fighting chamber. He followed behind the human after he got his bearings.
Kuwabara stopped at a small room with a blue ogre shuffling a deck of cards next to a giant vault door. He raised his head and grinned at Kuwabara.
"Good luck. I think you should know that there's more than a few B-Class demons in there."
Kuwabara nodded and muttered a thank you.

"Hiei, I need a favor. I need you to stay here outside this door and think about me until I get out. As long as I know you're thinking about me I can't be killed."
"That's idiotic."
Kuwabara shrugged. "That's love for you. See you later, Hiei."

The ogre closed the vault door and enclosed Kuwabara with more than fifty demons some of whom greatly surpassed him in strength. "It'll be a while before the survivor comes out. Want to play some cards?"
"I can't. I have something to think about."

"You think he's dead?" The ogre asked after almost thirty minutes.
Hiei couldn't bring himself to look into the fighting chamber with his Jagan eye. "No, he's still fighting." He could hear Kuwabara's mental swearing in his head every time he took a blow which was often. For a while there was only a mental loop of profanity but his mental state had calmed in a short time.

Not even half an hour into the fighting and it already felt like Kuwabara had been fighting for ten eternirties. Luckily, after bi-secting one of the stronger demons the rest held back for a second.

The number of demons dwindled and Kuwabara's mental chatter was still going strong. It was almost a cause for optimism but Hiei felt that the strongest of the fighters still hadn't gotten too involved.
He started thinking about Kuwabara's theory that as long as Hiei thought about him he couldn't die. Even though it was preposterous in the extreme Hiei didn't let his mind drift far from the subject of Kuwabara. The smell of his hair. The way he smiled when he fought. All roads of thought lead to some aspect of Kuwabara.

Hiei tapped his toes to the beat of a song stuck in Kuwabara's head. According to Kuwabara's memory it was an old Tears For Fears song the title of which he couldn't remember and desperately wanted to.
Hiei almost smiled at this peek into what passed through the human's head when he was fatigued and in the middle of a fight. A demon sliced a significant portion of Kuwabara's left bicep incapacitating his left arm and the title came.

"Head Over Heels," Hiei said.
"What was that?" The ogre guarding the door asked.
"Nothing."

Most of the weaker demons were either dead or dying. The only B-Class demon left standing was Fraze. Hiei knew that Fraze would hold back if Kuwabara proved to be of decent strength. Fraze obviously wanted to be the one to make the killing blow and Hiei assumed he wanted the ranks thinned out when it happened.

Hiei looked at Fraze with his jagan eye and it was apparent by the look on his face that his plan to quickly dispatch Kuwabara hadn't materialized and instead decided to let the others weaken him enough for the human to be an easy kill.

Fraze grinned and Hiei realized his plan. He wanted Hiei to watch.
"Oh shit!" he muttered.
Fraze laughed as if he heard Hiei through the door.

Kuwabara gave his patented "I know what I'm doing" smile he gave just before embarking upon something stupid.
"Hey, you. Demon. I'll give you the chance to give up now. There's no shame in you quitting."
Fraze couldn't help barking out a huge laugh. "Well, that's very generous...if somewhat idiotic. I'm almost tempted to give you the same chance."
"I said there was no shame in YOU quitting."

Hiei closed his jagan eye and braced for what he was sure for Kuwabara would be a barrage of intense and painful assaults followed by his death.

Once Fraze made his first move everything else was an incoherent mess of pain, confusion and 80's pop songs in Kuwabara's head.
After the initial blows which broke most of the human's limbs and cut open a section of his stomach Hiei did his best to suppress his link to Kuwabara but made sure not to stop thinking about him.

Fraze banged on the door and the ogre opened it. The demon lurched out heavily wounded and grimacing. Hiei began to draw his sword before an orange materialization of spirit energy pierced the demon's chest and proceeded to work its way down nearly splitting the demon in two.

Kuwabara's spirit sword dematerialized as he lost consciousness.
Though, he was far too wounded to talk Hiei picked up on Kuwabara's last thought.
Told you I couldn't be killed. Thanks for thinking about me.

Hiei spent the next twenty-four hours sitting beside Kuwabara's healing chamber as he fought his way to life. The healer told Hiei the chamber could only do so much and there was a significant chance Kuwabara wouldn't survive. Hiei almost laughed in his face. He knew that if Fraze didn't kill him Kuwabara would survive.

"Is that a washing machine?" Shizuru asked from behind Hiei pointing at the healing chamber.
"It's a healing chamber. Basically life-support until he's healed enough not to die in the middle of healing. He'll survive. Another eight hours or so and he'll be well enough to heal fully."
Shizuru grunted something positive. "Good. I need him healthy when I kick his ass for this. Just do me a favor, Hiei and try to limit how much stupid shit you make my brother do to prove he's not a weakness to you."
She reached into her jacket pocket and handed a CD to Hiei.
"Here. Play this when you two are together. If Lords of Acid can't get you two into the mood to get down then you guys have no business having sex. And for God's sake make sure I'm not in the house when you do."

Shizuru wandered the halls waiting for news on her brother as demons made great strides to smile and stay out of her way. She heard a couple of demons remark about her being the sister of the human who killed Fraze and that he was the nice sibling.
When she finally felt her brother enter consciousness she rushed back to the healing chamber just as Kuwabara was being lifted out to be healed fully.

"I don't get this. I've seen people healed before and it's never taken this long."
"The people you've seen were only severely injured. Kuwabara practically had to be brought back from death."
The training facility's healer put his hands over Kuwabara's body, healed him and left the room as Kuwabara sat up.

"Hey, sis. Did I win?"
"Yes, and here's your prize." For fear of injuring her freshly healed brother she pulled her punch but not much.
Hiei smirked at Kuwabara's fresh black eye. "It serves you right for being an idiot." Hiei shot a look to Shizuru who left and guarded the door to give Hiei and Kuwabara a moment of privacy.

"I'm sure I had a good reason for doing this but I'll be damned if I remember."
Hiei sat down close to Kuwabara. "Kurama and Shizuru seem to think that it's to prove to me that you're not helpless. Personally, I think you're just stupid."
"You're probably right. That sounds more like me."

Hiei sighed and put his hand as close to Kuwabara's without touching and stared off in any direction other than Kuwabara's.
Kuwabara knew Hiei well enough to know that words and affection weren't his style. Being nowhere near as restricted as the short fire demon, Kuwabara scooted closer behind Hiei wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Hiei's shoulder.
Hiei showed his approval by not struggling or breaking one of his ribs.

Preferring to speak with actions rather than words Hiei was at a loss for something to say other than that he'd brutally kill anyone who posed even the slightest threat to Kuwabara.
"I know, Cuddle-kitten."
Once more Hiei's lack of a violent attack told his true feelings.

"That means we're having sex tonight, right?"
Hiei surprised both Kuwabara and himself by answering with a simple: "Of course."

As they left Kuwabara couldn't help embarrassing Hiei by loudly yelling to Shizuru that she should find a room for the night.
"I really don't know why I put up with your idiocy, Kuwabara."
Kuwabara gave a toothy grin. "You'll see."

THE END