Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Nasty, Outrageous....Yu Yu Hakusho Special ❯ Episode 3: The Wedding ( Chapter 3 )

Ep. 3: The Wedding

Yusuke: Are you dressed, yet?

Hiei: No.

Yusuke: Are you dressed, yet?

Hiei: No.

Yusuke: Are you dressed, yet?!

Hiei: NO!

Kurama steps in front of Yusuke.

Kurama: Allow me.

He opens up the door to the bathroom, where Hiei was 'supposed' to be still dressing in his white tuxedo. But instead of being unfinished, the fire demon was already done, just staring at the mirror with a blank stare.

Hiei: Kurama, what if I really was still getting ready?

Kurama: I know you too well, Hiei.

Yusuke: Get out of there, Hiei. We know you just don't want to go to the wedding and see Kuwabara take Yukina's hand in marriage.

Hiei flinches. Soon, the three of them [Kurama, Hiei, and Yusuke] are walking to this church where Kuwabara's wedding is taking place. Kurama and Yusuke are walking ahead with a gloomy Hiei farther behind.

Kurama: He's really down, isn't he?

Yusuke: Yeah, I wouldn't exactly trust Kuwabara, either. He'll get used to it.

Kurama: Are you sure?

Yusuke: If he doesn't, he'll just end up killing Kuwabara and we don't want that now, do we?

Kurama looks back at Hiei.

Kurama: For once, I wish he'd trip over a rock or something. That would knock off that gloomy look of his straight away.

Yusuke: Come on, Kurama. The least thing that could happen is Hiei tripping over a rock.

Hiei: SHIT!!!

Yusuke: Now, what the heck was that?!

Kurama: I believe Hiei just tripped over a rock.

Yusuke: 0.0u!!!

Kurama: Are you okay, Hiei?

A bloody face of Hiei looks up at Kurama and Yusuke.

Hiei: Curse whoever created rocks…!

Yusuke: How'd you [Kurama] do that?

Kurama: Do what?

Yusuke: Make Hiei trip over a rock?

Kurama: I don't know.

They reach the church and Hiei immediately takes a seat.

Kuwabara: Kurama, Yusuke! Glad you could make it! Koenma is right over there. He's gonna get me and Yukina married!

Hiei: Then I'll kill him.

Kurama: Now, now. Manners, Hiei.

Koenma: Why, hello there, Yusuke. I see you've made it to Kuwabara's first wedding.

Yusuke: Are you saying that he's gonna get married various times?

Koenma: You never know when they might get a divorce, do you?

Yusuke: …you are SO optimistic…

Soon, there's a whole bunch of people sitting in the church [Kuwabara: I had to invite ALL of my family, didn't I? Heh, heh…] and Yusuke, Kurama, Hiei, George, Mukuro, Jin, Touya, and all of those people we know sat at the very front.

Botan: HELLO, PEOPLE! AND WELCOME TO KUWABARA'S AND YUKINA'S WEDDING! YAAAAY!!!!

Yusuke: BOTAN!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SCREAM SO LOUD OVER THE MIKE!!!

Botan: Shut up, Yusuke. I'm the announcer here. WILL KOENMA PPPLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSEEEEEE GET THIS WEDDING STARTED?!?!

Touya: Didn't it already start?

Botan: NO, CUZ I SAID SO!!! KOENMA, PLEASE!

Soon, the wedding will be interrupted by many outrageous things.

Koenma: Yes, let's begin this thing. Yes, yes…hm-hmm…yes, that is correct…

Shizuru: Stop thinking and get this thing started already!

Koenma: Oh, yes! Um, today we are here to honor the -

Woman #1: EEEEEEK!!!! IT'S A DICK!!

Everyone falls forward, anime-style.

Keiko: Eew, who said there was a dick in here?

Woman #1: There's a dick sitting right next to me!!!

Genkai suddenly appears out of nowhere as a ghost in the ceiling (she's dead, killed by Toguro, remember?)

Genkai: Lady, that is NOT a dick, that is simply a weaner!

Hiei: A whiner?

Genkai: A weaner!

Yusuke: Since when did you care about slang, old lady?!

Genkai: Since your own dick stepped into my temple!!!

Genkai disappears.

Yusuke: Yeah?! Well, you're just crazy about weaners!!

Hiei: What the hell's a weaner?!

Kurama: It's another phrase for "hot dog."

Kuwabara: YO!! NOW THAT WE KNOW IT WAS JUST A WEANER, CAN WE PLEASE CONTINUE WITH THE WEDDING?!

Botan: YES, WE MAY!! KOENMA, PLEASE!

Koenma: A-hem…yes, we are all here to honor Kuwabara and Yukina in their first marriage and…

Yusuke: Does he have to talk about divorce in the middle of a wedding?

Koenma: …and now we will begin the…uh, what do you call them? …bah, the confessions!

Shizuru: The confessions?

Mukuro: You can tell the guy needs love.

Hiei: Must you always try and read someone's mind?

Mukuro: It's my specialty. Get used to it.

Koenma: SHUT UP!! THE CONFESSIONS ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN!!

Botan: YOU TELL 'EM, KOENMA-SIR!!

Koenma: A-hem…Kuwabara, do you take Yukina as your future spouse and promise to forever love her no matter what?

Mukuro: You can tell he's [Koenma] never been a pope before.

Kuwabara: I do!

Hiei flinches.

Kurama: It seems Hiei is the only one not having a good time today.

Shizuru: Cut him some slack. It's obvious that he's terrified of seeing a dozen chibi kuwabaras running around and calling him 'uncle.'

Yusuke cracks up, getting the attention of some people sitting close by.

Hiei: They are NOT having children!

Shizuru: Listen, my little brother is known for breaking the rules. It won't be long until his puny, little brain forgets about your conditions even if his life is on the line. If I were you, I'd be prepared, because chances are there will be small kuwabaras running around calling you 'uncle!'

Hiei flinches again, obviously thinking of the horrible thought of, as Shizuru said, having chibi kuwabaras running around in their blue school uniforms with their spirit swords and that ugly face like their father's and calling him 'uncle' and then Hiei would really need to consider about killing himself because of the mere thought that they wouldbe related to him by blood.

Yusuke: ha, ha, ha… Shizuru, you'd better stop giving Hiei any more nightmares about this!

Shizuru: It's only the truth, Yusuke.

Meanwhile, Koenma is still blabbering…

Koenma: …take Kuwabara as your future spouse and promise…

Yusuke: What the hell is a spouse?

Jin: Sheesh, Urameshi. And here I was thinking that I was hopelessly stupid in this world yet here I find you asking what a spouse is.

Yusuke: Just tell me what it is!

Jin: A spouse is your husband or wife.

Yusuke: Oh.

Jin: Really, Urameshi, I'm rather disappointed in you.

Rinku: Cut him some slack, he's only in junior high.

Touya: Yeah, but you happen to be a kid and you knew what a spouse is.

Kurama: Hush, you three. We will see if Yukina will accept Kuwabara as her spouse.

Yusuke: There goes that word again.

Koenma: …to forever love him no matter what?

Hiei: Please say no, say no, say no, I command you to say no, I'm your big brother and I want you to say no, say no…

Yukina: I do!

Hiei: …

Shizuru: Unfortunately, Hiei, big brothers don't take parts in weddings.

Hiei: …

Kurama: He seemed to be under a lot of stress and now he's just…

Mukuro: In shock. Leave him alone, he'll snap out of it later.

Yusuke: At least he doesn't get to see the part where the groom kisses the bride…he'd surely kill Kuwabara if he did.

*** After the wedding ceremony ***

Keiko: The ceremony was great! The food was delicious. And here I thought that Kuwabara was poor! How'd he manage to pay all of that?

Yusuke: The heck! Kuwabara's whole family was in there; I'd bet they did all the paying.

Kurama: HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MALIK MALOCIOUSLY MANTS MINTS!!! HUHUHUHU, HUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Touya: Dude, I'd seriously consider taking you into a hospital…

Kurama: …I am sorry…heh, heh…woosa…woosa…

Keiko and Shizuru and Botan: What's a 'woosa?'

Yusuke: You don't know, you don't care.

Mukuro: Where is Hiei? It is time for us to go back to Makai.

Yusuke: Oh, him. I almost forgot. He's still in shock, back at the church. Poor guy, I don't blame him. I'd certainly stay in shock for four hours if I found out my little sister was just married by Kuwabara and that there's still a 95% chance of having chibi kuwabaras running around calling me 'uncle' in the future.

End of Ep. 3. A lot of Hiei flinching on this one, ne? This one was far longer than the other episodes. But I bet that just makes you readers even happier. ^^