Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Nasty, Outrageous....Yu Yu Hakusho Special ❯ Episode 2: Hiei Learns About Marriage ( Chapter 2 )

Ep. 2: Hiei Learns About Marriage

Kurama: Yusuke, are you sure Hiei will show up?

Yusuke: Yeah, I'm sure of it, now shut up. By the way, I see you've gotten your woosa.

Kurama: Yes, indeed. Willy did not need it, but me. Woosa…

Yusuke: Whatever…

Hiei: I'm here.

Yusuke: Good, now let's go to my room.

Hiei: Why?

Kurama: Because, that's why!

Hiei: …You are scaring me more by the minute, Kurama…

Kurama: I AM NOT A GIRL!!

Hiei: Who said you were?

Kurama: I DID!!!

Yusuke: Kurama…relax…

Kurama: ...Yes...woosa...

Hiei: What the hell is woosa?!

Yusuke: You don't know, you don't care. Now let's go already.

They finally get to Yusuke's room, barely making it through his mom.

Hiei: Now, what am I here for?

Kurama: Um, we have some really bad news for you, Hiei. And please don't overreact or anything but if you need to cry, please know that I can serve as your shoulder to cry on. I understand how this will impact you greatly, but -

Hiei: What is it?!

Yusuke: Kuwabara is going to get married with Yukina.

Hiei: WHAAAAT?!?!

Kurama begins to cry on Hiei's lap.

Kurama: Don't worry, I totally understand how it feels, mate!

Hiei: Get off my lap, Kurama.

Kurama: But, like, you don't need to be sad because she might be happy living with -

Hiei: Kurama, GET OFF!!

Kurama gets off, finally calmed down.

Kurama: I am sorry. I guess I was the one who needed someone's shoulder to cry on…I am such a girl…

Hiei: Now…exactly WHAT is 'married?'

Yusuke: …BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Hiei: You know, I just got my katana back from Kuwabara. I could use it right now.

Yusuke: …HAHAHAHAHAHA - oh, that's right. Fine, uh, marry. Yeah, you wanna know what that is. Well, um…

Kurama: "Marry" is when the male proposes to the female and then they live together.

Hiei: That's it?

Kurama: No, it's not. After that, they will have children and live happy together.

Hiei: So Yukina will be fine? Even if she's living with that good-for-nothing-jerk, she'll be fine? She won't get hurt?

Yusuke: Come on, Hiei. I've known Kuwabara for as long as I can remember and even though he's a punk, he's really delicate with the ladies. I'm sure he'll take great care of your sister.

Kurama: So, that's it? No crying? No hard feelings? Nothing? Didn't this impact you at all, Hiei?

Hiei: One question. How will they have children?

Yusuke: Um, that…the child comes from the female.

Hiei begins to panic.

Hiei: She'll get hurt!

Kurama: No, she won't. Let me explain - they will sleep together.

Hiei: And?

Kurama: And, uh, they will just have babies.

Hiei: Kurama, I'm not stupid. She can't just have babies.

Yusuke: Okay, okay! Look, they make out and that's it!

Hiei: Make out?

Yusuke: Remember that day when you and I went to Kuwabara's house and we thought they -

Hiei: We thought they were doing that. Is 'make-out' another term for that?

Yusuke: Yes!

Hiei: So…but…what…but…but I thought people did that for fun!

Yusuke: In a way, but doing that is what makes females have babies.

Hiei: But she's my sister! I don't want her to do that painful stuff with that good-for-nothing sucker!

Yusuke: Whoa, Hiei. Calm down, where'd you get such a term?

Hiei: I've been on streets, Yusuke. Now, if you excuse me, I am going to have a talk with that jerk.

Hiei attempts to jump out of Yusuke's window but Yusuke and Kurama hold him back. After kicking both Kurama and Yusuke in the faces, Hiei manages to escape. He jumps into Kuwabara's room (windows, people. Ever heard of them?) with Yusuke and Kurama already on their way there.

Hiei: Alright, Kuwabara. Come out like the man you brag you are.

Kuwabara: What's with the commotion, Hiei?

Hiei: I've been told that you were going to marry my sister!

Kuwabara: Yeah, we're getting married tomorrow. What, does this marriage need the bride's brother's approval or something? Because if it does, then I've never heard of it, so too bad and go get a life, shorty.

Hiei: What did you just say?!?

Yusuke and Kurama make it into Kuwabara's room, panting.

Yusuke: Kuwabara, are you okay?!

Kuwabara: Yeah, I'm fine. Is he [Hiei] okay?

Hiei: They're going to marry TOMORROW!

Kurama: I'm afraid so, Hiei. There's nothing you can do.

Hiei: IT HAS TO BE CANCELED! I DON'T APPROVE OF THIS!!

Kuwabara: Gosh, we're only gonna get married. What's so wrong with that?

Hiei: You're going to have children!

Kuwabara: So? That's part of marriage, so what?

Hiei: You're going to have sex!

Silence in the room.

Kuwabara: I see where this is getting to. You don't want me to sleep with your sister.

Hiei: Exactly!

Kuwabara: Well, I'm sorry, Shorty! Because tomorrow we'll be married and we can do whatever we want!

Hiei: Yes, and if you don't go by MY conditions I can just as easily kill you with my katana!

Kuwabara: You never said anything about conditions.

Yusuke: Sheesh, Hiei. You could have just mentioned them in the first place.

Kuwabara: Fine. What are your damn conditions?

Hiei: You can marry Yukina, just as long as you two NEVER have any children; meaning no sex, no sharing beds, no touching and getting all mushy, no…

Kuwabara: I GET THE FREAKIN' IDEA, SHORTY!!! But you can't just make us not do all that! Every couple has children eventually!

Hiei: Well, not this couple! And if you don't like my conditions then you can assume both of you 'un-married' and if you STILL marry her and have children then I'll kill you with my katana!!

Kuwabara: Alright, I'll go by your conditions…one question: What if we DO have children, but by ACCIDENT?

Hiei: I'll kill you anyway. You should know how to avoid that!

Kuwabara: I'm only a teen, I don't! Do you?!

Hiei: No, I don't. But you're the one who's getting married; you should get prepared for those things!

Kurama starts crying again.

Kurama: Why are you guys fighting! It's so bad, it makes ME want to cry!!

Hiei: Oh, shut the hell up, Kurama.

Kurama: …

Yusuke: Uh, now that everything's settled and Kuwabara promises to go by Hiei's conditions, I'm gonna go take Kurama to a Psychological Center to see why he keeps acting weird and like a baby and sometimes even like a girl.

Kurama: No I don't!!!

Yusuke: Then why were you dancing around the lake naked with only your boxers on and swinging your clothes around saying freaky stuff!!

Kurama: I was only worshipping my clothes!

Yusuke: Who the hell worships their clothes?!

Kurama: I DO!!!

Yusuke: Oh, riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Yusuke leaves with Kurama.

Kuwabara: Hiei, if what Yusuke said was true, you should make some rules for Kurama, too.

End of Ep. 2. This wasn't at all nasty like the first episode but it got some things cleared and ready for the next few episodes.