Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Nothing To Lose ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

“Shuuichi…” she whispered, as a single tear streaked down her cheek to land on the cold ground below. She smiled bitterly, knowing it was herself who brought his life-changing act upon everyone. “Happy New Year…” she muttered, standing and forcing herself to turn around to head back home. “Happy New Year…” his voice whispered back, though the wind carried his words away before she heard them… She wouldn't have noticed anyway, she was caught up in the memories of the last months of that year…

Need more friends with wings
All the angels I know
Put concrete in my veins

“You're so perfect, Shuuichi!” the girls said. “You're absolutely wonderful, Shuuichi!” his teachers praised. “Great job, Shuuichi!” the boys exclaimed. “Just the greatness we've come to expect!” his teammates told him. “You're more than I ever hoped for, Shuuichi!” his parents remarked. “I wanna be just like you, Shuuichi!” his brother announced. Perfect? Hah… Great? Right… Wonderful? So they thought… He was only a kid with unreasonable expectations placed upon him. Looking back now, he wondered how they couldn't have noticed, watching him like they were.

I'd always walk home alone
So I became lifeless
Just like my telephone

“You're walking home without your friends again, Shuuichi,” his mother stated. “Oh, um, they turned onto their own streets before we got here,” he lied. “There was another call today, too,” Shiori added thoughtfully. “Was it… a call for me…?” Had someone actually cared enough to try? “No,” she replied, not noticing his disappointment, “they had the wrong number.”

There's nothing to lose
When no one knows your name

“Good morning- uh…” the boy looked at his classmate. “What's his name again?” The boy shrugged as Kurama walked by, pretending not to notice the slip. “Good morning, Hiroshi. You too, Ryouta,” he said, waving to the two without bothering to remind them who he was… again.

There's nothing to gain
But the days don't seem to change

“Hello, Hiroshi. Hello, Ryouta.” He waved absently, as the two tried again vainly to remember his name. They never failed to make every morning something to dread. “Remember me, please. Just once…” he murmured as he stepped into his classroom, putting on his next fake smile.

Never played truth or dare
I'd have to check my mirror
To see if I'm still here

“Such a mess!” he told himself, looking into his mirror and seeing right through his façade. “How are you still going through this?” he asked himself, preparing for the next `perfect' day. “Why are you still here?”

My parents had no clue
That I ate all my lunches
Alone in the bathroom

“Do you know where Shuuichi went?” one girl asked another as they walked to the cafeteria. “No, he always disappears at lunchtime,” the other replied. “I heard he eats in the bathroom by himself,” another added, catching up. “I wonder why…”

There's nothing to lose
When no one knows your name

“There he is!” the girls gasped, watching Kurama enter the class with his polite nod. “Look, it's Mr. Perfect,” some of the boys said, glancing up. `Can't any of you ever call me by name?' Kurama asked silently, sitting at his desk and pretending again not to see any of them.

There's nothing to gain
But the days don't seem to change

“You are so perfect, Shuuichi!” his younger brother exclaimed, as usual, hearing Kurama bashfully tell their mother he aced another test. “Well, it's all we can expect from our wonderful boy, isn't it?” Shiori laughed with little Shuuichi. Kurama laughed along meekly to hide the stinging ache he suddenly felt in his chest from the comment.

There's nothing to lose
My notebook will explain

“What's this, Shuuichi?” Shiori asked as she looked at the notebook Kurama held out to her. He didn't answer her as she took it, but merely hugged her and whispered into her ear, “I love you.” “Shuuichi, what…” Shiori began, but he was already walking out of the door. “That's odd…” she muttered, then shrugged and set the notebook down as she continued to clean the kitchen.

There's nothing to gain
And I can't fight the pain

“And I'm sorry…” Kurama added as he quietly shut the door. He rested with his back against it for a moment, then set off before he lost his nerve. As he reached the end of his driveway, he slowly gained speed until he was running as fast as his legs would allow. He already had the perfect spot in mind: a favorite place of his in the wooded area of the park. And he was quickly forming the perfect scene for a person to come across when he was finished.

Teachers said "it's just a phase"
When I grow up my children
Will probably do the same

“I wouldn't worry too much about it,” his teacher told Shiori at the parent-teacher conference, almost a week before. “Are you sure?” she asked, looking a bit uncertain. “I mean, he seems a lot less… content with everything. I'm beginning to worry about his health.” The teacher smiled and waved her concerns away, “It's normal teenage behavior. Just a phase, I guarantee.”

Kids just love to tease
Who'd know it put me underground at seventeen

“C'mon, Shuuichi,” one of his classmates said in a hushed voice, nudging Kurama in the arm. “You don't have a girlfriend yet? You're too popular for that.” Kurama smiled and waved his hands as if to ward away the thought. “I don't have to have a girlfriend, do I?” “Well of course you do!” the boy exclaimed. “Really, Mr. Perfect, didn't you know that?” he laughed, and Kurama joined him to avoid looking foolish. Great, another standard to live up to…

There's nothing to lose
When no one knows your name

“It's almost New Year's, Shuuichi. You should have gotten an invitation to one party, right?” Shiori asked as she went about cleaning up with her son after dinner. “Ah, well, one of my classmates said she sent one to all of our class,” Kurama lied, laughing nervously, “maybe it got lost in the mail.” Shiori accepted the possibility, “No way they could've forgotten you.” Kurama hid a bittersweet smile as she washed the dishes, `Like they do every year? Of course not…'

There's nothing to gain
But the days don't seem to change

“Can't walk home with you today either, sorry,” the boys said, as they ran off the school grounds together. “You never do…” Kurama sighed, giving a wave as they turned back to say bye. “Hey, I'll walk home with you-” one of the girls began to offer, but he was already gone.

There's nothing to lose
My notebook will explain

“I wonder what this is for, anyway…” Shiori wondered later that evening, glancing over at the notebook Shuuichi had given her earlier. She walked over and opened it. She began reading over the words on the only page in it absently, but stopped as she realized where it was heading. “No…”

There's nothing to gain
And I can't fight the pain

Shuuichi paused, the blade poised over his wrist. Was this really the best way to deal with his problems? “What will I gain from this?” he wondered aloud, seated on the ground in the cold December snow. `What will you lose…?' the small voice in that dark corner of his mind countered. In response, Kurama slid the sharp edge viscously across his arm, barely missing cutting any veins.

There's nothing to lose
When no one knows your name

“I've never seen you here. Are you a new student?” Kurama's history teacher asked him. “I'm in your class, remember?” Kurama reminded him. “Oh yes! You're that quiet one, who keeps those marvelous grades! You're… erm…” Kurama slipped past him silently as the teacher tried to recall him.

There's nothing to gain
But the days don't seem to change

“Hey,” one of the boys said as he saw Shuuichi walking out of the school. “Sorry, but we-” “It's alright, your three,” Shuuichi interrupted, knowing what that'd say, “I was planning to walk home on my own anyway. I've got something big planned for you all.” He went on before the boys could reply, and they glanced at each other, a bit worried about his tone of voice.

There's nothing to lose
When no one knows your name

“My name is Shuuichi Minamino.” Kurama said a bit loudly as he walked past Hiroshi and Ryouta. He glanced over his shoulder and gave them a smile so pained they took a step back. “You don't need to remember it now, you'll see it again soon enough…”

There's nothing to gain
And I just died today

Shiori bent over the gravestone, the only one in this secluded place. Above her was the tree her own son had died under; there were even a few remnants of the rope he had used. But that sight wasn't nearly as depressing as the words on his tombstone. They were the very words she saw in his notebook, the ones she saw on that fateful New Year's Eve. And those painful lines were now written in stone as a constant, painful reminder to her.

Nothing to lose

Nothing to gain

Nothing to hold

Nothing to save

So why should I stay?

-It's not like I have anyone-

You all left me behind

So far behind

Your excuses followed you close behind

I couldn't help but watch you walk off behind me

So why should I stay?

-It's not like you'll know-

I was your perfect little boy

You gave me every standard

I did my best to live by them all

You didn't see them make me fall

So why should I stay?

-It's not like you'll bother-

So I'll leave you with this

It's nothing but my final wish

The second you know

I'm gone and free

Do your best not to miss me

-It's not like you'll have to try-

Happy New Year

~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~

Song: Nothing To Lose

Artist: Billy Talent

Anime: Yu Yu Hakusho

Author: Me

Story © Me

Hope this doesn't ruin anybody's New Year by making them too sad. Inspiration for this from another Youtube video, this one by Jasminesspirit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-dWgjtR96A She said she'd like a fanfic made out of her video, and it gave me a nice creative outlet. Hope you like it, Jasminesspirit! X3 And the thing about the rope he used? He didn't hang himself like you might imagine. He did this: http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb143/Yaoi_support/Death ofKurama.jpg And another note about the story: the poem at the end isn't mine. I had a friend of mine do it. Thanks Chrissy! Wonderful poeticismness(my new word)! ^^