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| "Little Acts Of Kindness" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: August 25, 2005 20:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you so much for submitting your story to FFARG to be reviewed. You have an excellent piece going here. Your images are fantastic and your descriptions are very vivid. You have an imaginative and well-thought-out story line. Excellent. I do have one suggestion for you story. While you have very, very few grammatical/typing errors (I think I only saw three in all the chapters you have up so far) I did notice a lack in sentence variety. By this I mean that your sentences were all very simple in structure, and didn't flow as smoothely as they could have. It was very "She said..." "He did..." "It was..." at times during the story. Mix it up, throw in a variety of sentence structures, and it will make the story even more interesting. Other than that, well done, and good luck with finishing it off!
| Title: Holy Toledo!
Reviewed By: Sei-chan On: August 17, 2005 08:25 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow. Just simply wow! Not that the subject of suicide is awe inspiring (heck no, because it isn't!!), but the way it came about...Just wow! I can't stop thinking about the last chapter (5, I believe). The last sentence sent me reeling! Although this story has short chapters and scant descriptions, I understand that a person doesn't need loooong chapters with gruesome details just to tell a moral. I am curious though...What is the moral exactly? Is it something about helping people because you don't know whether that day would be their last? Something like that? How baffling! But enough about that! Haha~! I don't know if this was intentional, but I liked how you used water imagery to bring the overal mood of the story to a mature level, you know? I also like the feathers and how they always show up at a crosspoint! 'Holy crap! It's a feather!' Haha~! I remember my earliest thought was that Kagome was a guardian angel or something, but then I was like "Forget that, dummy!" Sometimes my mind gets ahead of me...Haha~! Another early thought of mine was that Inuyasha was already dead and Kagome had this weird sixth sense...thing...Even I had to laugh at that one! I would greatly appreciate it if you would continue on finishing this fiction, but I won't pressure you! =^~^=Sei-chan=^~^=
| Reviewed By: w_j [MediaMiner Member] On: August 04, 2005 14:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
Nice introduction. I hope to read more soon. Thanks!
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