| "Easier to Run" Reviews/Comments [ 19 ] |
Title: FFRG Review (CH 3)
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2006 22:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
There are two things wrong here, the first is that there are several typos (dope is not spelled dobe), I'd suggest getting a beta reader for those. Secondly that is very short for a chapter, you might want to consider beefing it up, as it doesn't seem to be very much of a complete thought. Your characterization was good, and your original character seems very interesting.
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Title: cool
Reviewed By: Dustin Imthurn dog demon [MediaMiner Member] On: May 06, 2006 12:58 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
A great story but one question i have to ask is what about Hinta. Will she get over Naruto. I have to say I was a little disapionted when it wasn't a naruto/hinta fic, but this is a much better pairing for this fan fiction. Keep writing and updating. How many chapters will be in this fic? Just a little curious will there be any other pairings? sorry for all the questions , but this fan fic leaves a lot of questions in my mind. Still a great fic. :>
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Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: March 17, 2006 16:57 CST
Comment/Review:
I read this chapter, and wasn't really impressed. It lacked description and a plot. It was also too short to be enjoyable to its full potential. You have errors in punctuation, both inside and outside of dialogue, and your capitalization after dialogue needs to be fixed. I also noticed that you have paragraph placement issues when it comes to dialogue. Remember, you have to start a new paragraph every time you have a piece of dialogue. This also had a very choppy feel to it, as was the sentence structure. I recommend getting a good beta-reader to help you out on this. You can find one by either picking one out of the beta-reader list, or posting a request in the "I need a beta" thread. Both can be found in the Beta/Pre-readers forum. I did, however, enjoy the light humor in this piece with Naruto bounding in and saying hi to a "strange girl that I don't know…". Thank you for submitting to the FFARG, and I hope you continue to do so
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Title: FFRG Review for Ch. 1
Reviewed By: Wolf in the Night [MediaMiner Member] On: March 06, 2006 17:13 CST
Comment/Review:
This story was not really living up to its potential. There is sort of a balance between dialouge and description in stories. You want to maintain that. Your story sort of...ignored description. I don't know what Nariko looks like very well. Is this something for new comers to Naruto? You leave out what Sasuke and Sakura look like in detail. Also, how does looking at the side of the gates in the beginning tell Nariko that that was Leaf Village? You neglect to mention what about it makes it recognizable. You don't really describe the physical motions of the characters. How does Sasuke look as he's he realizes that Nariko is his sister? You mention a little like his eyes widening, but there was more to expand on. What does his face reflect? It was vague. There are some minor spelling and grammar mistakes. For one, at the beginning of the story where you mention that Itachi is Nariko's brother you put a period instead of a comma before saying Itachi. I like how the characters spoke and thought though. I'm not a veteran fan of Naruto, but I can see Sakura thinking what she did at the end. You seem to have a good grasp of her character and that's a great thing. ^^ Thank you for submitting to FFRG and I hope you do so again.
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Title: ares
Reviewed By: vorrec [MediaMiner Member] On: December 30, 2005 10:10 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
if u want a fast program that can download almost every song in the world, go to google search and type in "ares". its the name of the program. gd luck on finding it!oh yeah, come and read my fanfic foo. its called "8 years gone". review. thanks! great writing style there!
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Title: hmm
Reviewed By: Edward_Elric [MediaMiner Member] On: December 30, 2005 00:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey great story i just started reading it today...keep up the goodwork and please do update faster then you have in the past =P
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Reviewed By: inuyashagirl22 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 20:56 CST
Comment/Review:
is sakura gonna show up again and wat pairing is this?
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Title: Night_wolf
Reviewed By: Night_wolf [MediaMiner Member] On: November 25, 2005 22:52 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i like it but the only thing i have a problem with is that you make it to short and you dont legnthin anything out. you just speeling out without making it alittle more complicated ... sometime complication can be a good thing ^_^ but other then that i liked it!!!
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Title: FARG
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: November 12, 2005 18:30 CST
Comment/Review:
For me, this prologue was a little too sparsely written too short to be touching. It could have done with more elaborating upon Nariko's past, especially added detail in the scene where her brother slaughters their family and his motivations or, since this is written through Nariko's eyes, her observations of what his motivations MIGHT have been, and how she got into her current situation with her foster parents. Also, I think that in the first paragraph Nariko's character seems a little wishy-washy. It seemed as if she was saying "I have to run away to stay alive but I kind of want to die." If Nariko is an original character, who this whole story is going to build around, then I think that she has have some sort of obvious charisma instead of being a "kind-of-sort-of" person. Something that I enjoyed about "Easier to Run" was that instead of typing up the WHOLE song from Linkin Park, it only included a few lines that would be significant towards the story. Thank you for submitting to FFARG, and good luck with all your writing! -Dee-chan
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Reviewed By: silverlining On: October 15, 2005 23:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
oh my gosh!!! I cant believe that i haven't reviewed yet. Oh well, I am now. Cheers to another chapter and to the next ones coming. gtg so, yah, bye (=^.^=)
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Reviewed By: Hiroto [MediaMiner Member] On: September 29, 2005 10:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
...Well. Although this isn't one of the greatest fanfics out there, I still enjoyed reading it. I think the only complains I really have about this is the whole "lost-now-found-sibling" concept. And the fact it seems to be moving a tad bit faster than I might like it to be. But you have lots of potential.^-^ Just tighten up your writing a bit and try a different point than one that's already been done and I think you could get rave reviews. Don't hate me because my review says bad things. T-T I'm just really picky about fanfics...
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Reviewed By: silverlining On: August 31, 2005 14:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
I was waiting for this chapter to get posted ever since I sent you the chapter back and it's finally here!! Yay, I'm so happy.^.^ Any ways, Sight seeing is nearly ready to post. just a few more days I think so you can be like me... Paticent ^^ just kiddin. But yah, just a bit longer. Send the next chapter soon. Silverlining on a darkcloud (=^.^=)
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Reviewed By: Thy cheese On: August 24, 2005 13:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok, umm, banana (the author) made me write this, so i dont realy know what to write...ok, umm, next time, banana, make the kiss sloppier and make the girl younger!! HELLO? Have you ever heard of a 14 yr old girl kissing a 12 yr old guy...jeeze. -Thy cheese
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Reviewed By: silverlining on a darkcloud [MediaMiner Member] On: August 23, 2005 18:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
okay, this is a review for the last four chapters i think. Ne ways, i like it a lot. your chapters are getting longer and better at the same time. two kisses in one chapter, wow! I wonder what Naruto thought when Nariko kissed kakashi?hehe. Thank you for reviewing to 'Walk Two Moons' it is kinda strange isn't it. I wrote that one at three in the morning. And I have some ideas for 'Sight Seeing' that i sill start as soon as I get back from my vacation in five days. Last thing, if you need a beta reader, send it to me! I would love to do it. My email adress is in my profile. P.S. isn't this a really long review? (=^.^=)
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Reviewed By: darkestrose [MediaMiner Member] On: August 23, 2005 09:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yay for kissing. ^O^ I like it. I like it a lot. Um. >.>;;
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Reviewed By: silverlining On: August 15, 2005 17:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Well I glad you are getting back in to the swing of writing again. This chapter is one of the best chapters yet and they're getting better as they go!(^.^) Keep it up and I'll review again.
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Reviewed By: silverlining On: August 14, 2005 19:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
It's doing good but it still needs to be a bit longer if you can. Nee ways, get that next chapter uploaded so I can reviwe again! And the next chapter is nearly finished, I'm just putting the finishing touches on Sight Seeing so hold you horses! (i'm going to a horse farm for a couple of weeks so I'm in a horsey mood ^.^)
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Reviewed By: silverlining on a darkcloud [MediaMiner Member] On: August 07, 2005 19:43 CDT
Comment/Review:
Okay i guess I am logged in. I didn't do it though. Hmmm.... Never mind the PS
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Reviewed By: silverlining on a darkcloud [MediaMiner Member] On: August 07, 2005 19:42 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey it's looking good so far. Though you might want to try and slow things down a bit. ^.^ Nariko as his girl friend! That's funny. I'd hate it if someone got me and my bother mixed up like that. Ne ways, keep it up and Update soon. PS I'm just too lazy to log in right now.
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