Title: FFARG Review (chapter 1)
Reviewed By: xfiledino [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2005 20:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
First off, thank you for submitting this to the FFARG! Now on to the story. I saw a few spelling/grammer mistakes: '...continues to shoot...' Should probably be continued. '...if that was anything...' should be 'if anything strange...'. '...had knew that fact of...' should be 'he had known...'. Alright, now this is off to a good start. I'm only slightly confused as to what healing powers you are speaking of. To my knowledge, Keitaro is a normal human and has no powers, of course anything is possible in a fanfiction, I do realize this. If this one factor is part of your story, I think you should say how he came to get healing powers. Now, I have only read the first chapter, so I don't know if you cover this in a later chapter, so don't get angry at me if you do. The descriptions are good, but it could use a little more description when speaking of the flash backs he's having. Why would Naru throw Keitaro out of his own bedroom? Well anyway, I did only read the first chapter, so maybe I should read some more before I ask questions that will most likely be answered later. Thanks for submitting this to the FFARG!!
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