Title: FFRG review ch 1
Reviewed By: White_Winged_Atlantian [MediaMiner Member] On: November 11, 2005 02:36 CST
Comment/Review:
First, while there are definite advantages to the screenplay type for a fanfic, you need to do it right, that means more description (yes more) such as when Hiei appears with a note. You should go into Yusuke's reaction. And the reason why is because no one is going to act this out. You have to do the acting FOR the reader. So that it plays out like a skit in their mind. You also changed from Italics to regular writing half way through, was this intentional? Just keep on that describing; and good luck. ~Sisi
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