Title: FFRG Review Ch 1
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: December 02, 2005 10:17 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your fic to FFRG to be reviewed! You have an interesting piece set up here. You seem to have gotten Sesshoumaru's arrogance down, and I'm glad to see that you showed his sense of humor in tormenting Jaken. I always personally felt that inside his head he enjoyed the abuse tremendously, just didn't show it outwardly. Well done. Also, well done on portraying Jaken. He was annoying, just like he is supposed to be. As far as suggestions go, you should look over the format of the text, because when you uploaded it to MMO, it wasn't very clear. I don't know if you had it this way originally or not, but there isn't separation between paragraphs, and everything is sort of muddled together. I didn't see too many grammatical errors, so good job on that, but I do recommend that you separate Jaken's lines from Sess's, even though you aren't putting it in quotes. All in all, space everything out a bit more, so that it is easier and more enjoyable to read. Great job, best of luck with your fiction!
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