Title: A nice vignette
Reviewed By: Xantar [MediaMiner Member] On: November 25, 2005 14:26 CST
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
This was a good idea for a story because it's different from other typical stories which try to develop a narrative and provide some deep insigth or something. This story was clearly just written for fun and enjoyment, and that makes it stand out, especially among the other contest entries. Unfortunately, that's also probably the story's weakness. It doesn't really add terribly much to the fandom. It's just a creative way to meet the requirements of a contest. For that reason, I think this fanfic's eventual placement was fitting. The story doesn't stay with us long after we've read it, but because it's an approach not normally taken and because it's solidly written, it deserves some recognition anyway. On the last line, though, you should have gotten the text to pause for a beat before the "LIAR!" line. In the actual anime, people would have paused for an instant just to let us absorb the silence or something before yelling out the punch line. That's what comedic timing is all about. So I would suggest at the end saying "Naruto and Sakura stared at their teacher" as a line all by itself. Then move on to a new paragraph to say that they shout "LIAR!"
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