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| "Forest Of Silverveil" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: BakaNi [MediaMiner Member] On: November 12, 2005 15:02 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
From what Bliksem seems to be saying, you delted his old review because you thought he was being mena. Right? Well he's not, if you ask someone to review your material expect criticism(good and bad). Now to the review. LAck of punctuation and plot holes bring this story's quality down. I'm not one to get into specifics, so I won't. Hope you improve.
| Title: Hmm
Reviewed By: MetaDragoon On: November 09, 2005 17:01 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, personally I have to say good job with sticking through three chapters. However each chapter was so short I don't see why you didn't bother just taking the time to put it all together into one. You really should think about planning more ahead, and if you did plan further ahead then you should consider consolidating somewhat. Your style of writing is more like a television show, something you watch and listen. Quite frankly you gave us what could amount to a voice-over, if that. Actions were bland. Also, you got so swept up in the events, where is the grief? What person goes from "I'm' drowning, dad help!" to "Wow, I'm a savior."? Disbelief is one thing, but even the shock of that shouldn't discount that the first thing on his mind should have been his father. He did just get sucked into nowhere, yet now that he knew he was alive not another thought was given to what was left behind. Poor character foloow through, that. More time, more effort, more writing. Aside from just my personal opinion that each chapter is far too short, you quite simply don't put a whole lot of effort into writing this out at all. A few lines of words and actions make a good dialogue, maybe enough for a saturday cartoon, but if you're going to write up a fictional piece such as this you need a bit more than that. More substance in your writing, in other words. I'm sure there are many books you can find that will help you with that. Plenty in just about every school level.
| Title: Sweet
Reviewed By: Relyt [MediaMiner Member] On: November 09, 2005 14:18 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
it was the sweetest story i ever have read thankyou for writing it are are a god in my eyes you have pure talent young grasshopper
| Reviewed By: Bliksem [MediaMiner Member] On: November 08, 2005 16:32 CST
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
I read your story, just as you wished in my story "Heavy Rain". I see you removed my old review, but no matter. The material which I wrote to you before still exists, but I needn't bring that up again. You know what I'm talking about. There are other things that you should work on. There is a lack of punctuation that you need to address. Also, the boy seems to have completely forgotten about his father. I would think he would at least be a little sad, especially considering how close they seemed to be. I'm not trying to sound harsh, and I'm saddened that you think I'm simply trying to be mean. I'm simply trying to help you out. And just a question, what is this a continuation of? Are there other fanfictions that I need to read for the full effect?
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