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| "Vendetta" Reviews/Comments [ 23 ] | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] | Reviewed By: anna333 On: January 28, 2009 01:39 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like the story its one of the best cross overs I read so far! I can't wait to read the new chapter.
| Reviewed By: Lady Xiao On: February 24, 2008 02:29 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is amazing! I know that the 'Oh my God this story rocks, I want more' thing is not exactly what you want to hear, but it is just so good. I hope that you get around to updating this. I want to know what happens? When Rei explains what she thinks on pregnancy and how she had no idea, how will Vegeta respond? Be mean or be understanding? Gah, I must know!!!! I like how you gave everyone seperate lives, but they are all going into one story line, working towards one goal. Minako is trying to get to Usagi, though not on favorable terms, she realized that she had to do what she had to do, and did it. Rei and Vegeta's bet thing, that is intesting. Even though I think Rei is going to lose. :] Well, it is 2:30 in the morning,so I will drop some more comment's later. I can barely see right now, much less right coherent sentences. If you wish to reply, you can email me at ashcal21@hotmail.com LX
| Reviewed By: Hoshichie [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2006 03:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG!!! This is an excellent story. I love how you got everything intertwined and working together. Each character has their own motivations in their choices and I love how you have been able to convey the emotions as well. The only one I haven't read much of is Setsuna, especially with her being a slave in the fashion industry. Oh well. Keep up the superb job and hope you update this soon. Flaming Kisses
| Title: I remember
Reviewed By: miroku_has_darkness On: June 08, 2006 05:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey remember me anyway i was wondering what chapter were you on when you left ff.net cause i'm waiting for that one
| Title: FFARG Review Prologue
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: May 16, 2006 16:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your piece to FFARG. You have a decent beginning to your story. You set up the alternate world that Dragonball and Sailor Moon are to be set in quite well. I like how you still keep Goku a gentle soul that enjoys a good a fighting tournament and Vegeta someone who believes things should be given to him because of who he is. You have a good grasp of grammar and your flow and pace move well for setting up your overall plot to the story. However, when writing prose like this it is usually accepted that you do not use contractions outside of character speech. Words like "didn't" and "he'd" should be kept to character speech because you are writing out how the character would talk if they were a normal flesh and blood individual. I have seen plenty of slavery and Goku going with Vegeta plots done before in the Dragonball world but I think you have a good angle with a popularly used plot. Keeping Goku the same gentle soul that he has always been keeps him in character. In most stories with this type of plot Goku is turned into some type of ruthless killer or cold blooded Saiyan monster. So far you have stayed away from this type of out of character plot. Slavery plots have also been a popular choice of alternate reality fiction for the Sailor Moon universe and I like how you are not making it purely adult like most fan fics with this type of plot. Keeping it away from the cliched plot types will make your fiction unique in its own way. It will be interesting to see how this plot fans out over future chapters. Thank you once again for submitting your piece to FFARG.
| Title: A CLIFFHANGER!
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2006 14:37 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmm... this will be veyr short since I don't remeber if there were mistakes and because I'm a bit dizzy. I loved the chapter and loved how you explained what made vegeta so mad. It is great that usagi and Goku are getting along veyr weell and happy that Ami may be able to get her freedom. Loved it! Update soon.
| Title: Very romantic
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 28, 2006 23:33 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmmm... i won't be givina long review today because I'm supposed to be doing homework. I thought this chapter was very romantic!! there were some mistakes but because of time berance, I will not point all of them. there3 was one sentence where used a comma before the word 'because ' because it wasd made into a compund sentence; the word 'because' is not to be used on compound sence but it s considered a complex sentence so it should not have a comma before the word. Your paragraphs were somewhat werre lacking variety in the style of the parapag and teh word 'and was used too much in some sentences. Anyways, now that I gave a shortened review of the mistakes now I can get to the good stuff. I ABSOLUTELY Loved the chapter. It was veyr romantic and once agin showed a deep characetr develpement between characters. It was extremyl romantic with usagi not wnating to go home. Everything about Rei and Vegeta's partwas absolutely wonderful, especially with Rei pretending to be his lover while the girl was in love with him. I love how you keep everyone in character. I can't wait until the next chpater.
| Title: Beautiful
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2006 17:43 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Rei seems to be falling in love, eH? I loved this part: "Thank you," Rei whispered. He murmured unintelligibly into her hair. She turned so that she was facing him. He took that as a positive sign and kissed her properly, propping himself up on one arm and running a finger down her cheek. "Am I forgiven?" he asked. He started nibbling on her ear again, and she pulled back, glaring at him. "Look, I know things are different here then they were on Earth. But if you really want to have sex with me, there are certain things you just can't do. Like sleeping with other people. Or treating me like an inferior." He smirked at her. "Kakorot said humans were monogamous, but I wasn't sure if that included your Earth as well. Throughout most of the universe, monogamy only applies if you intend on having children. It provides a more stable life for the offspring, and keeps the population somewhat under control. There are, of course, exceptions. I'll stop seeing other women on the condition you wait for me." He emphasized his statement with a kiss. "Even if you win our little bet, I want to be your first." Rei blushed. "I...I don't know if I can promise that. There isn't anyone more likely, but..." "Good enough. Now, go to sleep. You'll be a bitch in the morning if you don't get enough sleep." Rei huffed and turned over again. He had obviously not taken seriously her warning about him treating her like an inferior. If that were to be the case, he could forget about having sex with her anytime in the near future, if ever. Loved it!! :) I love Rei. You know, I can't wrute any more stories on fanfiction.net or anything else anymore because of my mom, I'm so mad! Aye and thank you for thanking me for always reviewing your story. You know, Makato was pretty smart. She did pretty well until she'll get nto fights and be suspended from class then after would be behind. I feel bad for Makato... only tryng to teach morals. Loving this part: "You will apologize," he said, his voice as emotionless as ever. "For what?" she snapped. Kenyi tightened his grip and she grimaced. She should not have talked back. "You should realize that your moral input is not needed in the rearing of the child. You are to feed him and to train him and that is it," Jakkin said, glaring at her. Makoto raised her chin and spat Your desciption of the battle scene with Kenyi and makato was wonderful and I found it to be great! It made the battle veyr good and interesting. Ther should be no comma in this sentence: He continued to spend more time with her than was required, but did not do anything drastic. because there is not two sentences in this sentence. Hotaru and Zarbon is veyr romantic part of the chapter. I probably wom't be able to review as much as I usually do because my computer at home isn't working. I can't wait until the next chapters. Until next time, :) Smile, Neo
| Title: Wonderful Chapter
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2006 17:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
This sentence should be corrected As soon as he lay down he fell asleep, snoring lightly Maybe as: As soon as he laid down, he fell asleep, snoring lightly. This sentence also needs correction: His face was pale and he looked terrible You need a comma because it is two sentence or you could just say: His face was pale and looked terrible. On this part, I think you'll need a comma to show a pause to make it make more sense also. Next time promise me you'll just come talk to me." She laid her hand on the side of his face and made him look her in the eye. He nodded dumbly and then sprawled out on the bed. Usagi took the bottle and left him to sleep Maybe, instead: Next time, promise me, you'll just come to talke to me..." ... I loved this part: "You're so beautiful," he said softly. "Thank you." She blushed and turned away, focusing all her attention on the dishes. "We're going to go over to Vegeta's." Such a sweet and innocent part there should be no comma in this part of the sentence because that is not two sentences. Vegeta was set to leave in a few hours, but wanted to get a little training in beforehand. If you want to use a comma you should add the word 'he' after 'but' and 'wanted.' I realy liked this part... I like how you show Usagi's caring personality and Rei's personality and the part before it. It remnds me of the Stars series with that one dude who liked her. "You need to get out of there, Usagi. I know he's normally nice, but alcohol messes with people. Maybe Vegeta could help," Rei said. "Not that he'd want to help, but I could..." She blushed at the thought. If it meant keeping Usagi safe, she'd do it. Usagi seemed to read her mind. "Don't. He...he needs someone to take care of him. If he's all by himself, he'll do something really horrible. I can't just leave him like this. He's a complete mess, and I have to help him." Another misuse of the compound sentence... there needs to be two sentences in order to have the comma: Usagi didn't respond, but thought to herself that there was one reason Rei might. But it should be written like this: Usagi didn't respond, but she thought to herself that there was one reason Rei might. Or: Usagi didn't respond but thought to herself that there was one reason Rei might. On this sentence: The other creature looked like a large, tawny cat, standing higher than her knees and able to put its paws up on her shoulders like some dogs were wont to do. I think the word 'wont' is menat to be 'want' to do. I think that this part was very romantic... veyr romantic! She spent a good fifteen minutes poking around the garden, an expression of pure joy on her face. She wasn't sure why she felt so happy, but it was a wonderful feeling and she couldn't bring herself to end it. Still, she was starting to get cold, and it was starting to snow softly. She tugged her cloak closer around her and shivered slightly. Zarbon noticed and returned to her side. "Cold?" he asked, smirking slightly at her. She blushed and nodded. Instead of steering her inside, as she suspected he'd do, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. Her blush deepened, but at the same time she felt inclined to snuggle closer to him. He was so warm and strong, and he made her feel safe. "I understand, if you can never get past what I did to your friend. But I don't think I could take it if you hated me." He removed one of his arms from around her waist and lifted it to cup her face, making her look him in the face. For that moment, she couldn't tear her eyes from his, too shocked to say anything. ... and so on. I found the chapter to be beautifully written! I loved it, absolutely. This chapter had beautiful description and Rei showed a lot of character developement in this chapter. I'm glad you saw that Rei saw more of Vegeta's personality. My longest review... WOW!~!! Wonderful! I can no longer write anymore on sites!
| Title: I love it
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 18, 2006 11:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed this chapter! This may be my shortest review, though!! LOl! there was on part where you did a misspelling and there may have been two but I forgot. Where it said something about Rei and vegeta and then: he had another think cming. well, I bahve to do homework so Bye! WUV YA! Think should be thing. Besides that< I found the chapter to be very enjoyable! Rei does seem that she had gotten closer to Vegeta whether she admitted or not but then hearing the prostitiution in the commonness of Minako, it had upset her and even angered her. 18 months, eh? Then she could be free if she didn't fall in love with her and if she he wins, she had to sleep in his bed every night until he got tired of her... hmmm... LOL! Interesting.... Interesting vision, does the Pluto part have to do with there being two different timelines like one where Serena becomes a princess while the other is where there is no Mamoru? I loved the vision... veur interesting.
| Title: Very Interesting
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2006 12:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, before I go on to the compliments... I will start off with some things that need correction.... but believe me there is more good then things I found wrong. Well, first off: The building was made of a metal Hotaru could not recognize, but it was strangely pleasing to the eyes, unlike the harshness of steel skyscrapers she was accustomed to in Tokyo. On that sentence, it is a Compound-Complex sentence, so it should be worded: The building was made of a metal Hotaru could not recognize, but it was strangely pleasing to the eyes unlike the harshness of steel skyscrapers she was accustomed to in Tokyo. because complex sentences do no have comma before though they do have it after it there is a sentence after it. the sentence needn't another comma. Also: The walk to her rooms took some time, and she ached by the end of the journey, but she counted it a plus that she was still conscious and upright. By the way it is written, it comes of as a run-on. The wording could be: the walk to the room took some time, her body aching by the end of the journey, but she counted it a plus that she was still conscious and upright. Also, Serena doesn't know how to cook. Hotaru is the only scout without a past life. Why? In the past, it was Michiru and Haruka's job to keep the 'Silence' from ever awakening however when the scouts were all reorn on earth, the one whom was never born was also born along with them. Another compund-complex sentence. It was the same grammar mistake: Usagi liked this, since he always took her along and she could spend the time with Rei. It should be written something like: Usagi liked this since he always took her along, and she could spend time with Rei. the comma should've been before the and because 'she could spend the time with Rei' is a sentence on it's own. This sentence make a small punctuation mistake: He tried to ask her what was wrong, but she shook her head, told him not to worry about it, and had holed herself up in her room for the rest of the day. It should be written: He tried to ask her whats wrong, but she shook her head,told him not to worry about it then holed herself in her room for the rest of the day. Or something because there should be no comma before the 'and had holed herself' because that is not a sentence on its won and you could use the compund complex sentence rule to make it into a better sentence. Anyways, I think that was all i found wrong because i really didn't pay attention to the mistakes. Now, to the good stuff that makes the heart feel good: I love as I love your chapter and how you keep the charcters in character. I will try to hurry up with this because I got to go soon. I loved how you showed Rei's proetctivness over Serena even to Goku and also how you showed how they reacted to the part of destroying planetes just to get to Frieza. Hoataru's part was full of beautiful description and as always I loved the part. Rei and vegeta'a part was something to crack up at. I wonder what happened to Krilllin. I loved the chapter.
| Title: Amazing!
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2006 10:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This has to be the best chapter that you wrote though there is one part that needs to be corrected. This part: Bulma led her to a table currently empty save one woman SAVe should be except But anyways... your description was wonderful for this chapter... the way you had described Mina in the image of the way Vegeta saw her was wonderful! Anyways... I thought at the beginning the Vegeta and Mina part was hilarious... her embarrassment as she tried to explain why usagi was a princess and why she needed to protect her. I enjoyed the Ami pat, greatly and the last part after Bulma was like how did you do that and Ami responded 'Magic.' I loved that part and I knew it must've worried Ami to find that they had the outer's weapon's... did they have Saturn's glaive like weapon. I also enjoyed how she said that the weapons were used with magic not ki like most in this dimension. All of mina's part was veyr enjoyable. The description in this chapter was wonderful. Dialogue was great too. I can't wait until the next chapter!
| Title: A very good chapter
Reviewed By: Neominitails [MediaMiner Member] On: April 04, 2006 20:19 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm so sorry I didn't review last week but i had so much homewokr and my keyboard kept messing up! Thank you for the reviews to my story, which i did update! Anyways... as always, i ahve thoroughly enjoyed your chapter... make sure on the next chapter this 'magnificent' palace is well described! Poor Hotaru had to put on so much clothing! I, actually, loved the makato and Gohan part! :) It was veyr interesting and you did well keeping them in character! I must say that for this story to be so good which I sort of think is one of the hardest crossovers because of the show being so different, you are awesome! Please Update!! :) sorry i ddin't review earlier... i feel so bad!!
| Title: A very good chapter
Reviewed By: Neominitails On: March 20, 2006 19:58 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ahh... I'm one of those FF.net reviewers... but then again I never just say update soon... LOL. But, then again. whenever you tell people to be honest I do belive peopl are a little more honest because some people don't want people to be honest they live the saying 'If you aint got nothing nice to say, don't say nothign at all' Anyways.. I cab't give a very big review but i will give my basic though! LOL... I wish i could but i'm doing homework~~!! LOL... anyways, I loved your cahpter... the little kid had me in susense because I was wondering who'd Lita be getting. I thought the Mina part was veyr touching in a way because she no longer cared about how others would look at her if she became a prostitue because of her being a protector of Usagi as long as she could get freedom then she would do it. Reii's part was just funny because she was spening his money like it was her money!! LOL... Hotaru was somewhat a sad part to me ebcause of her trust for a man whom didn't deserve to be trusted and was tricking her into trusting him... she seems to be falling in love, eh?
| Title: Rei Michiru Goku.... Description
Reviewed By: Neominitails On: March 08, 2006 18:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, I found tjis chapter to be very good compared to the last chapter... I loved it!! I would say, though, you should try practicing describing the scenery and the people of whom you are writing about. You are very good at setting the mood but description is very important which you are okay at doing. I genuinely loved the chapter but try to ad description of place and person so that it'll be easier for people to see who you are speaking about and where and what it looks liker.... it makes it more compelling. Anyways, I loved the parts of the people of whom I named on top... just loved it! I felt bad for Michiru because of how she's feeling... losing the only thinkg that kept her sane because it made her feel connected to home. I was surprised that Frieza is having someone killed... who? Well, I'll have to wait eh?
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