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| "Voodoo" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: staindgrey [MediaMiner Member] On: July 28, 2006 11:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Alright, sorry a review didn't come sooner from us, but here it is. I, personally, know absolutely nothing about Kingdom hearts, and that in itself made it extremely hard for me to keep track of so many characters. You may want to put in more description of some of the major roles so that ignorant readers like myself can follow along a little easier. I'm not sure if this takes plave somewhere in the game or what, but after reading it I still have hardly any idea what the entire story was about. Faeries come in, get yelled at, and leave, and Tidus is afraid of the "big sis". That's what I got out of it. But, as far as actual writing style and grammar goes, you did a fine job. The writing itself was solid, and I particularly liked the metaphor "...but he thought he saw some of the angry fire in Lulu's eyes settle down." Grammatically, I found only 3 tiny errors. First, the sentence "When she didn't immediately answer the three Gullwings grouped in front of her, hovering at eye level with pleading expressions on their faces." It doesn't need the when; that makes it an incomplete sentence. Then, in the fifth to last paragraph, I don't think "Ground" and "Followed" need to be capitalized. Other than that, though, you did a fine job. I'm sure if I knew more about Kindom Hearts, it would have been much more engaging. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.
| Reviewed By: Xaio Chan [MediaMiner Member] On: April 17, 2006 09:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
Is there more, this is really good, I want to know what happens.
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