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| "Imbroglio" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Rini Saiyan-jin [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2006 21:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
I liked the beginning of the story, it was humours and made me smile in laughter. However, "every young girls in Japan were," the plural is not needed. You should read over your chapter(s) at least once or twice to catch those mistakes. The reason for this is because you already have the 'every', which makes the plural unneeded. In the section where Nabiki and the stranger meets, and struggles against him "increased manifold," and I'm sure you don't mean a car piece (manifold) so you should check your word usage and replace that with either "tenfold" or "manyfold". But for the rest of the story, I really like the change in Point of views, the dynamics and pacing of the story. It's got every flavor that a story has and this made a very interesting story. Nice job! =)
| Reviewed By: xenodephrun [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2006 01:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hahaha... this is very good. Captures the whole essence of the Ranmaverse. Including the mallet. Also hints at some hidden Nabiki/Kuno pairing. Sweet. All in all, I see nothing wrong, but there are some details... You made a pretty strong bokken. Holds up to a full-fledged katana. (Or Shun is probably not that good.) But I guess its nitpicking too much, even for me. I do hope you make more of these great comedies! You write great comedy.
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