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| "Bonding" Reviews/Comments [ 12 ] | Reviewed By: Halogen11 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 03, 2007 13:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow. This one is my favourite chapter. It was both funny and sad. It's great how you use such a basic plot and get everyone to look so subtly intriguing. The characters are dead on. Bien cuit!
| Title: uhh . . . you can actually title this?
Reviewed By: killerdoodlebug On: September 01, 2007 22:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Whoah. This story is so good. I didn't really expect you to update this, but you surprised me. Have you thought of posting this on fanfiction . net? I bet you would get alot of reviews there. I'm a member of ff.net and I think that there really isn't enough Kabuto fics in that site. I hope you update soon. I really enjoy this fic.
| Title: Nice collection
Reviewed By: Mirena [MediaMiner Member] On: July 04, 2007 19:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
I loved it as a one shot, but the two new ones are nice the third was bit OC though. Is quite interesting to see Kabuto's POV.
| Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Rini Saiyan-jin [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2007 10:15 CST
Comment/Review:
Good beginning, it grabbed my attention well. The first thing I noticed was that Sasuke's thinking sounds a bit awkward. ...I'll be glad to get away from here…' I don't think anyone thinks like that, especially "be glad" part sounds too passive. And I also noticed that it's the same for some parts of his thoughts. I think the best would be to place yourself in his position and really think of how would you think. If you used that method, try having someone else do it (by having them imagine if they couldn't move and every part of his body ached) and write down what they thought. Then apply Sasuke's flair to that. Anyway, I think this may be just formatting issue, and I'll point it out for you, "Enter.̶ 1; in the second scene. You should also review the chapter (and maybe in others) for any other formatting issues and reupload with the changes. So far, I like the interaction between Sasuke and Kabuto when he picked Sasuke up bridal style, that was very realistic. You should pay attention to commas, you're lacking in some areas, such as Kabuto asking Sasuke if he had a problem with homosexuals. Another thing I noticed that Sasuke abuses the phrase, "damn it" or some form of "damn" and that makes his character feel very superficial. Now, when I got to the part where Kabuto apologizes to Sasuke and mentions that his brother died in war, that didn't give off any emotional feel to it and it's sorely lacking. Something like '...in war..." Kabuto said, exhaling quietly.' or some sort of feeling, or even not showing a hint of emotions when he says it. Though, it would also be best to get rid of ellipses while you're at it, since ellipsis are incomplete thoughts, and that one isn't incomplete, and that holds true for the majority of ellipsis in this chapter. And if someone is shouting and ends in ellipsis, that should probably have ended in dashes (--) since one or the other got interrupted, not incomplete thoughts. As for this, "Oi Kabuto, why is your room so…feminine?", the same applies as Kabuto's talk of his apology and dead brother. Something could be inserted between the ellipsis and feminine, for example, '..." Sasuke shifted his eyes around the room waryily, "...feminine?"' It lets people see their reactions instead dpending on what they said. It adds richness to the characters. One other thing when concerning ellipsis, add a space before typing the next word, don't...type...with...no spaces, but... rather... like that. Of course, that was exaggeration, but you see the point, correct? On the whole, this chapter one was very well done in terms of characterzation and when/if you edit the chapter with some of the changes, it will be better. Nice job. =)
| Reviewed By: Shippos_sister_Kuzume [MediaMiner Member] On: December 28, 2006 20:33 CST
Comment/Review:
I love this! I personally think Kabuto and Sasuke make a good couple! -^^- Either way, it's very good!
| Title: THANKS!!!
Reviewed By: hgored8 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 25, 2006 10:51 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey thanks for finally writing chapter 3!! i love this story!! ryumaru seemed so cool too!! oh i can wait for chapter 4, i guess. just dont take TOO long. and keep up the great work!!!
| Title: GREAT
Reviewed By: HGORed8 On: September 14, 2006 19:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey, you know that your fanfic is SOO good. Gosh, please hurry and write chapter 3. It's like I'm starving for this story. I can't get enough of it! I read chapter one and two dozens of times, waiting for you to post three!! Please! I need to read it, or...I'm going to kill myself!!!!
| Title: Where!!!
Reviewed By: HGORED8 On: June 30, 2006 16:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
This fanfic is SOOOO DAMN GOOD!!!!! Where is Chapter 2?! I want to read Chapter 2!!!!!!!
| Reviewed By: Paige Matthews On: June 23, 2006 18:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey, that's a really good story. you should definitely keep going with it. the only problem was it was too short! :P
| Reviewed By: Secert Window On: June 23, 2006 09:09 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
HEy great story, i think it should be kept as a oneshot. Not that it wasn't good; just some fics are ruined when they try and add more to it. But i really liked reading this fic. Awesome!
| Reviewed By: tayter On: June 01, 2006 20:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
plz don't keep that as just a oneshot. you could really make a good story out of that, ya know? it was real good, i like ^-^
| Reviewed By: azncardfreak On: May 31, 2006 22:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
that was great plz continue the story
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