| "quixotism" Reviews/Comments [ 20 ] |
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Reviewed By: Passing Reader On: August 05, 2008 22:41 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Heres to you for entertaining me these past two days! Wonderful story, though a bit sad at the end with everyone dying :( Overall well written and an enjoyable read. Heres showing my gratitude for making an entertaining story and completing it, job well done! :D
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 23:51 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
"as he squeers some fish" : skewered some fish It was a good story. Thanks for sharing it.
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 21:07 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
"as he panted and withered" : should be as he panted and writhed. withered is dying, decaying; writhed is thrashing and wiggling.
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 13:11 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
"Yasuo knew if the man ever seen them transformed or knew how much his touch was enjoyed it would probably be the last rub he'd ever get." : 'seen' should be 'saw'; but that's also a funny line. The next line is also funny: "ramen my taste fine and dandy but, vegetable and fruit help you poop." and this was funny: "Noriko flipped her tail up in a kitsune's version of flipping another off." I forgot to mention last chapter that you did a good job with Sasuke seeking out Kakashi and Iruka to ask about relationship advice. Did you write that the Kitsune were not allowed to practice sessions? I thought I read that, but I couldn't understand why-they wouldn't get in the way there_and they need to be outside...but it doesn't really matter I guess.
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 12:21 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
"Feeling someone's presents at his table" from CH 9 should be presence. presents is like a gift you get on birthday or christmas. Story is still fairly interesting. I do think the boys should be more sexually aware at their ages though. Naruto may have merged at 16; but his body and mind had already gone through puberty by then and you said the fox spirit doesn't change his core self, his human aspects. If you ever go back to edit things i have a couple of suggestions for word changes. using the word 'merger' all the time sounds like when 2 companies become one. merging has a better sound to it. And instead of the word 'robe' I'd use the word 'cloak'. robe makes you think of a bathrobe, while cloak makes you think of a hooded cape.
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 09:47 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Comment/Review:
"having reached his patients" : the correct word is patience. patients is like a person in the hospital. also bitting is not the way to spell biting. I'm surprised Sasuke didn't take the opportunity to ask Naruto to move in with him; before they went out and refurnished his apartment. Sasuke also had the opportunity to tell Naruto that he was comparing all his dates to him and they couldn't measure up or compare to all of Naruto's' qualities and he didn't take it. I thought the point of this story was to get the 2 of them 2gethehr. It's still an entertaining story though. I liked the Konohamaru part of the story.
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 08:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Comment/Review:
"plus the Kazakage was very private and a bit selfish when it came spending time with Naruto. Sure Gaara allowed him to sit in on some of his meetings but, it wasn't like anyone was buying for his attention." : in an earlier chapter you said Naruto stayed there for several months just to play with Gaara_here Naruto says Gaara hardly spent any time with him. Also the expression is not 'buying' for his attention; it is 'vying' for his attention. You also wrote in ch. 5 that the hermit said something about 'my reputation recedes me'; the word should be 'precedes'
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Reviewed By: ANGELBOY613 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 06:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Interesting start so far. I would have thought Naruto would have wanted to see Sasuke sooner. His whole point to training more and going to Sound to defeat Orochimaru was to get Sasuke back. But after he's recovered he spends 'several' months visiting Gaara-what happened to his concern about his most important friend SAsuke. And then he didn't even inquire about Sasuke. It wasn't until Naruto and the hermit were in the baths in Konoha (several months after the battle to save Sasuke) that the hermit mentioned to Naruto that he heard Sasuke survived the battle_and Naruto says it would have been nice if you mentioned it sooner. The thing about the lack of sending messages was kind of lame too. Using couriers wouldn't matter because they're supposed to put important messages in code anyways. Blaming the lack of messages on Gaara because he's not the type to send messages anyways was kind of lame_Naruto could have gone to the village's courier or message department/service and sent the messages himself. As for the year in the wilds; Naruto could have used foxes to send his messages. He could have used clones to send his messages. They could have used frogs to send messsages. Konoha's Hokage could've sent someone to Sand to check in person. Part of the story you assure that Naruto will still be Naruto after the merging-just have more access and control over the Kyuubi's chakra. But you had the hermit tell Tsunade that foxes are tricksters by nature and Naruto is pulling more pranks because of it_and warning her that if he ever gets that foxy grin watch out... The few notes they had sent to her didn't contain any real information. Naruto had kept his letters short because Jiraiya had taught him it was best not to give out too much information, especially when the only way to send the information had been through couriers. They didn't want information to wind up in the wrong hands. "Gaara and he were having too much fun at the time and if anyone deserved or needed fun in their life it was the Kazakage. So they stayed several months more than was needed for his recovery." __while Sasuke is in a coma then wakes with 4 years of his memories erased, and is going through an emotional/identity crisis. I hope Naruto feels somewhat guilty after he learns what happened to Sasuke. The things I mention don't detract from the enjoyment of the story_I just wanted to point out the contradictions or ways around some of what you stated the circumstances in the story were. It's an interesting story concept and it's off to a good start. I can't wait to see how it all works out. Thanks for writing and sharing the story with us.
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Reviewed By: Dream Keeper [MediaMiner Member] On: April 04, 2007 00:00 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow... This story was amazing. I didn't want it to end ^_~ I loved it. It was a great story with a great ending. I've noticed that a lot of gret stories leave me disappointed with their endings, but that wasn't the case this time. As much as I didn't want it to end, it was a perfect ending. Great job!
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Title: review!!!
Reviewed By: Catsura On: October 01, 2006 22:05 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
if you look me up you probably wont find any stories yet... nice i still like your stories!!! and you style...it's good keep writting!
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Reviewed By: J0kEr [MediaMiner Member] On: September 20, 2006 22:26 CDT
Comment/Review:
That was a really great ending for this story. I loved it soo much!!!! I enjoyed reading it and I'm kind of sad that it had to end. Oh well, Every Good Story Comes to an End.
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Title: YAAAAAAY!
Reviewed By: shinobicows [MediaMiner Member] On: September 08, 2006 18:56 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You finished it!! Darn, even though you warned me, I still cried at the beginning. Very good. I was much pleased with this chapter. I will tell you more in an e-mail, k?
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Title: Chapter 14
Reviewed By: H-Girl69 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 08, 2006 13:23 CDT
Comment/Review:
another great chapter. I hope you don't end it too soon, it almost feels like you are getting ready to end it, but there is so much more story to tell.
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Reviewed By: kirallie [MediaMiner Member] On: September 08, 2006 10:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yay, he's okay!!!! And just after they declared him dead too. How iwll they all react to him being alive?
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Reviewed By: J0kEr [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2006 17:08 CDT
Comment/Review:
It's not the END right. Please Don't Let It Be the End!!! I Hope You Keep On Writing This Story... This Cannot Be The End.
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