| "I Need You with me" Reviews/Comments [ 12 ] |
| Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] |
Reviewed By: knjj727 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 08, 2007 06:38 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
you need to write longer chapters all of these short ones are good but thee length is a bit disapointing any ways please up date soon
|
Title: Chapter two Review
Reviewed By: Evil Toilet Paper [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2007 18:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
again, during the flashback seperate dialogue and when Kagome said "Kurama? Is that you." You should have added a ? mark to 'Is that you?' add feelings, add action and stuff. Describe the emotions of the characters clearly, Describe surroundings. If you add alot of Vivid imagry then the chapters and the story becomes much more enjoyable.
|
Title: Chapter one Review
Reviewed By: Evil Toilet Paper [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2007 17:41 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey... not to flame or be very mean but you need some work with your writing. Don't worry we all need help, i know i do. I'll give you a few tips to make your writing alot better...From author to author... 1) Kagome's Last name is Higurashi...Where did you get the Name Reynolds??? I have a teacher whose last name is Reynolds? funny huh...(but this is minor) 2) Stick to one view point.. i mean that if you are going to write in 3rd person stay in 3rd person, don't switch to 1st in the middle of a paragraph. 3) Create a new paragraph when you switch ideas. Like from past to future to past again. the idea should flow. 4) Place quotations when you have dialogue. ex: "blah...blah" Kurama said... or something like that. And create new paragraphs for dialogue so the reader knows it is not the same person that is speaking. 5) Add description and feeling to the story. Add a tone. We know that she is sad but don't just say it. Use imagry!!! Thats all I have to say for now.. onto the next chapter... the story is a good idea it's just no really catchy for the first chapter. --Gothic Lust
|
Reviewed By: Mrs Kurama [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2007 20:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
*grins like a mad man* well i have ta say this is u mmm how do i say enjoyable, fluffyness (at times) and ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very sad when you come down to the point when ku rama didn't say good bye to Kagome without warning ^^ wellll ummmm update or i'll have ta get you in some very very painful way j/k j/k j/k but it will be a living hell if you don't UPDATE!!! xD
|
Reviewed By: HeartStar [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2007 01:45 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
ok no don@t give up you were doing greqat anyway if someone dose take this over I hope you will tell me but I hope that yu do not give up.
|
Reviewed By: knjj727 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2007 14:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
wow how long has it beeen sence you have up dated i under stant the whole home schooling thing but wouldent that give u more of a chance to up date instead of less this is no flam this story is excelent please up date soon please please please please please please please
|
| Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] |
