Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2007 12:15 CDT
Comment/Review:
A very interesting beginning. Now to see where you're gonna take it from here. Still, you have some serious mispelling issues (in the first chapter I saw the use of the wrong phrase 6 times) and the use of Japanese phrases in the some of the sentences, while a style thing, is at times annoying. But, I understand the use of it, just translate some of that in footnotes at the end of the story, it tends to help the readers out. Still, the story is very interesting, and one I want to read more of. So, please continue to write, so we can continue to read. It may turn out to be a rather interesting outcome, I think.
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