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| "Sweet Intoxication" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: erm..
Reviewed By: Britni Fullmetal Otaku [MediaMiner Member] On: February 08, 2008 14:56 CST
Comment/Review:
I haven't read much yet, but if you'd like some constructive critisism, maybe you should slow down a little bit. It's really hard to follow what's going on a bit =/ The plot seems very good, but like I said you probly need to slow down and explain things a bit more.
| Title: Pointless dialogue...
Reviewed By: leanne0716 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 13, 2007 14:53 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Last chapter I thought there was very little dialogue amongst a lot of endless thinking from Bella. Now there was just too much pointless talking. It was spaced out but still pointless. I was lost in the second sentence of the paragraph and I still really don't get it. Maybe it's just me... ~*.>Leanne
| Reviewed By: leanne0716 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 13, 2007 14:46 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, the idea was good, I'll give you that. But the paragraphing was horrendous. Everytime Bella would ask a question, Edward would answer using some of her question. Next time try to space the dialogue out using "___" said Bella and "____" Edward replied. Adding actions between dialogue is also a good way to space. (i.e. "____" Edward replied, raising an eyebrow. or "____" asked Bella, moving away from Edward just a little.) I'm sure that when you make these adjustments that the fic will turn out great. Now to read the rest... ~*.>Leanne
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