Reviewed By: lil6ter [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2008 09:05 CST
Comment/Review:
Yes, do keep writing, BUT BEFORE YOU DO work on these things. 1. Paragraphs. Add them in. I couldn't read all of it because it was just one big blob of dialogue. This brings me to my next point. 2. Add in adverbs and adjectives and all the pretty little things that gives a story detail. What you have going on here is a play writers script. If you want to keep it like that, then you should A. Put more space between each persons line, B. Put these: next to the name of the person who says it like this Kagome: You baka Inuyasha! Sit! And C. Tell people that that is the format of the story, because others who value good fanfiction WILL CALL YOU ON THAT. 3. Write this in a word document and run spell check. It will catch so many things that I noticed that you shouldn't have in there, and also things like you characters names being in lower case, not upper. 4. NEVER EVER put me before Inuyasha, so check your grammar. 5. If you want to add in faces, then do it in the authors note. This, XD, should not belong in the body of your paragraph. 6, read your chapter out loud at least once before you post it to make sure that it sounds ok. 7. Get a beta. Preferably someone older then you and who has been through collage so that they can guide you more. No, they won't be someone who becomes a stalker. I have two betas who are out of collage, sexy eros(in his 20's…he is a good friend and met him through my sister, who is ten years older then myself), who I never give anything to in reality, and LoVe23(met through ff.net...not giving her age becuase she might not want me too), and they are both normal and make great edits. You need someone to do that for you. There are TONS of people out there who are willing to pre-read and any and everything for your story and help you make it a great story. I do not know how much you actually read fanfictions, but find a good oneshot on this site, and either read the whole thing, or the first paragraph. Make the search t rated, most to least. SplendentGoddess has wonderful work, though she seems to get flagged a lot at the fanguild because of punctuation. The way that she uses her punctuation works though. Anything from the first three pages should be good, so look for a summary that you like. That should give you an idea as to what you should do. I would like for you to keep in mind that this is not a flame, as I am not saying that I hate you or the story, but it IS good advise, and constructive criticism. Why put a story up if you do not want to hear how you can improve, because honestly? It is inevitable with beginners that you will hear something like this eventually so that you CAN become a better author. DO keep writing, and DO pay attention to what I have told you because it can only benefit you later in life too. You have a great idea, but I don't want to see your fanfiction add to the majority of bad ones out there. Keep writing, and read one of those oneshots! ~ Lil6ter
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