| "Vegeta's sexual desires" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] |
Title: Note to You
Reviewed By: LMK LoveMeKags and Co Productions [MediaMiner Member] On: April 07, 2008 15:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
It is a little old, and is bascially a little uncreative, but sometimes you surprise, and that is what people like. Um, your writing style could use a little improvement. Capitilize more when you start a sentence. Commas could be used less. Um... there are two spaces after each sentence. And the overall whether this was good to read or not, it depended mostly on the mood. It depends on whether that person feels like reading something. It will take a while to get used to flames, but trust me, you will get them. If you do not address proper things, like you forgot the warning for it. Don't say "sexual content and rape" and so on, say "18+ for strict Yaoi" That will lure people in right away! Trust me, I've written tons of fics. My penname on FF.Net is LMK, and all you have to do is type in "Love and Lust" to find it. (In the M rated section.
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Title: Zofo
Reviewed By: Zofo [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2008 20:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
That was strange. Why did Vegeta think he was having a period? Is he an hermaphrodite? Seems he's fighting his urges for Goku but dressing to impress whilst trying to fool himself it is for Bulma. Is she the 'other' character, cos he said he needs a pure blood which she isn't, so I'm thinking the 'other' one must be another Saiyan yet there are no more left!
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Title: Zofo
Reviewed By: Zofo [MediaMiner Member] On: March 26, 2008 18:15 CDT
Comment/Review:
Got confused there when Vegeta suddenly appeared in the desert and Goku went all dominant on him, then I realised Vegeta was still in the bed. Dumb me! Wonder if Goku feels that way for real. I hope so but getting Vegeta to admit his desires even to himself is always difficult.
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Title: Zofo
Reviewed By: Zofo [MediaMiner Member] On: March 17, 2008 17:03 CDT
Comment/Review:
Um bit of a problem here. Chapter 3 is missing and chapters 4 to 8 are blank. There was a bit more to chapter 2 than before which was interesting. Can you try uploading it again?
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Title: Zofo
Reviewed By: Zofo [MediaMiner Member] On: March 16, 2008 16:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for telling me you had added to chapter one as I'd gone straight to chapter two and missed it! It was funny, Vegeta is certainly hung. Hope you can sort out chapter three soon.
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Title: Zofo
Reviewed By: Zofo [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2008 21:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
Much better spacings in the paragraphs, thanks. The latest chapter is blank though, did you have a problem uploading it?
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Title: Zofo
Reviewed By: Zofo [MediaMiner Member] On: March 14, 2008 19:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Little difficult to read as mainly one long paragraph, could you space it out more? Is it going to be Vegeta/Goku fic? Hope so, but wonder who the third one is.
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