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| "Make Your Dream Come True" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: How old are you?
Reviewed By: D-Reaper Undercover On: May 16, 2008 09:30 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
Homework? Lolz? I feel like I'm reading a fic posted by a 12-year-old. That's not a good feeling. I appreciate a good PWP (that's pretty much all I write!) but this was waaaaay too plotless. It was kind of awkward how you jumped right into the sexings. And events moved way too jerkily- the story didn't flow. Plot bunnies tend to do that, but once you start writing on your idea, you should try to flesh it out; otherwise it's like a slideshow rather than a coherent story. Grammar leaves a bit to be desired- spell check is your friend. It was scary how L woke up and immediately kissed Light. Also, the way they jumped right into intercourse was not cool. Again, the story would have been better if you took the time to flesh it out a wee bit- just give a little background on whether or not the two were even attracted to each other, y'know? I totally understand that you wanted to jump straight to the sexings- I'm having writer's block right now because I need to improve the non-sex part of my current fic- but if you're not going to make the effort of improving, you'd do all the mediaminer authors a favor by just printing your fic out and distributing it to your friends rather than wasting space on the site. If this was harsh, I'm sorry. I'm just in an analytical mood...
| Reviewed By: slasheroo On: May 09, 2008 02:20 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Haha kawaii :D Some of the bits of dialougue were unnecessary though, especially for a PWP ;P Good job for your first one!
| Reviewed By: Calathiel [MediaMiner Member] On: May 07, 2008 17:10 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
O.o I can't believe you actually talked me into reading it XD my face is all red now lol though I must comment, it seems a bit unnatural try to just let it flow like a river XD now I'm giving you tips on how to write a lemon... which I could never do myself >.
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