|"Ranma Nibun no Ichi" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ]|
| Reviewed By: Ganheim On: June 07, 2010 19:03 CDT|
"Roof?" he asked. [Why aren't they just talking right there?] Ranma wondered why he had never before recognized her for the powerful martial artist he knew she was. [Nerima Martial Artist union, she's not a member and the others don't want their wages to suffer by her showing off. Speaking seriously, she very rarely has the chance to show what martial arts she knows because when somebody actually does come after her, they are generally at Ranma's level and therefore a long way above her. The fact that Akane fits martial arts practice into the empty points in her life doesn't help - Natsume and Kurumi "the Tendo Sisters" may be an anime only arc, but it faithfully portrays some of Akane's priorities, and Nabiki points that out] "Baka." Akane said fondly. [Unnecessary Japanese - she also doesn't jump to the chance to insult him late in the manga like she does earlier in the story, though the fact that she still does makes me question whether they have a true relationship basis in respect] She took the tape out of her video recorder and ripped it out of its plastic cover, then binned it. [Why wouldn't she just record over it? Nabiki's not one to waste things she's spent her money on] "Itte kimasu!" [Unnecessary Japanese] You used a bit of Japanese which wasn't necessary - no, trying to say that "it came from Japan" isn't an excuse unless the entire story is in Japanese. Sometimes things don't really translate, "youkai" or some attack names fit in that category. Things like what I marked have English counterparts and it's generally better to stick with English for better flow (throwing in other languages, even if your audience is fluent in all involved languages, is jarring for the narrative). That being said, this was probably the best "Ranma/Akane" pairing I've seen; it didn't beat the audience over the head, and even better was that it didn't bash any of the other relationships (even if it did so by not mentioning them at all). I liked you altered their internal dialog to show that they are actually growing up and leaving behind the childish bickering (without making them OOC), too many try to throw Ranma and Akane together without a good deal of growing up past how they are at the end of the manga.
| Title: I LIKE IT!|
Reviewed By: snowdeep On: August 10, 2008 17:34 CDT
Style of Writing: 9 of 10Comment/Review:
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10
I Like it so please update i want to know what happens next.