Reviewed By: white rabbit [MediaMiner Member] On: July 13, 2002 00:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Whoa. I'm very impressed. In a fairly short chapter the writer has accomplished the basic personality persona of the main character (from what I perceive to be as a mostly steady, reliable guy who is respected because of his family's military prestige, but with an underlying sense of potential to be great, which is naturally what is about to happen). The minor character developments were intriguing, well thought out, and lasted in the memory, as well as helping to establish the personality of the hero (who he befriended, how he treated his superiors, etc.). Now onto the ratings..
Style: 9
I have never quite seen this type of style, which is a mix of refined and raw talent. The sense of flow and ease in the writing and descriptions seemed natural, though some of the wording stuck out as awkward. (ie feelings came out roughly ex. "Fear struck me." How? Physically what happened? Widening of eyes, loosening of the jaw? Physical descriptions give the reader a sense of what is going on, grounds to imagine what the protaginist is feeling rather than simply telling it.) And the description at the end disappointed me a bit, as it didn't go into detail the narrator's feelings of all that was going on. Okay, he felt bad for the men that were crying and he had a feeling that he was dying, but even when I'm on a roller coaster, all strapped up, I get this gut-roiling feeling that "Hey, I might die on this thing." (*grin* 'course, that's just me). However, those are small somewhat invisible flaws, so in the overall, I liked it so I give it a 9 :).
Sp/Gr: 7
No, nothing that I could see was spelled wrong, nor were there very many grammatical errors. However, I felt that with such smooth writing some of the grammatical nuances stuck out like sore thumbs, ruining the effect of the reading. The repitition of "he said, she said" is generally accepted, but I often feel that it is redundant and gets boring pretty quick. Thus, resorting to more subtle ways to state the speaker of the statement made. (ex. "So I like told him to back off, like, you know, whatever." Becka rolled her eyes at me as Alanna continued to snap her gum in her mouth at the same time narrate her story.) Yes, some of this was illustrated in the chapter, but mostly it was back to the "he said, she said". And as I was mildly disappointed, I marked it 7 :).
Or/Cr: 6
Sorry, but stories where the hero is dumped in the middle of an unknown place and is prophesized to bring peace is a bit of a cliche. Not too much of a repeated cliche, but it's there. I found the use and variety of names very entertaining, though, so it's at 6 :).
EF: 9
I must've enjoyed it a lot, or I wouldn't be reviewing it *grin*. Well, it was exciting even in the prologue where everyone knows that disaster must strike and hit the plot sometime. Kept me scrolling down the page and I can't wait for more, so 9 :).
Overall: 8
Good, very good. Some serious potential here and I have a feeling that there is more to be found. And overall, the writer needs to work on 'feeling' descriptions and the "he said, she said" whatnot.
Enjoyed it very much and am eagerly awaiting more!
That's all for now.
-w.r |
