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| "Saishoudoukin" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: LainEverliving [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2009 21:21 CDT
Comment/Review:
An outstanding piece of work, ttestagr! You've captured sensual Konoka very well and crafted a fine little gem of a story around her desires. Your style I think is quite suited to the Negima universe, and the dialogue and situations seem believable. I've always through that Negima was one of those series that could devote more in-depth exploration to the girl's sexuality if it wanted to, and seeing good writers such as yourself take fanfiction in that direction proves to be very interesting. In terms of the actual story, I enjoyed the feeling of 'ordinary life' you invested in it, especially the resolution. Having Konoka not get to finish her fantasy was a little disappointing (I was hoping to see what she would have thought of the other girls), but it felt more real somehow to have Asuna come in when she did. I also liked the 'everyday' qualities of the dialogue at the beginning, and mentioning the smell lingering after Konoka's pleasure session added to the story's honest and simple believability. On the whole, nice work. Concerning the sex itself, Ako and Akira were a very good choice, and Ako in particular was really well described. A personal favorite of yours, perhaps? ^__^ Akira felt like she could have used a little more, and the logistics of how she was engaged in the second scene could have been a bit clearer. I liked your description of her orgasm, though (brief, but effective). Konoka was written very well, and her climaxes were good and intense. I don't know why, but tendency in Negima fanfiction is to lessen her orgasms and make her seem more gentle. I like this more passionate Konoka that you've imagined. Negi seemed the least believable, in that he was more of just a girl's fantasy of him than the real Negi. Maybe that was intentional, but either way, I didn't really mind too much. It seems like your style is, like I said before, well suited to this, but like with most writers (myself included), there's always room for improvement. In conclusion, I hope you'll consider writing more Negima works in the future. Even if you just focus on the characters you've chosen here, I think you've got a good affinity for them, and your descriptions and dialogue are more than enough to carry the story well. A continuation of this fic would be wonderful, but I think it's just about perfect like it is, as a self-contained little slice-of-life work. Good work, and I hope to see more from you in the future!
| Reviewed By: anima_constrictor [MediaMiner Member] On: February 17, 2009 22:15 CST
Comment/Review:
an interesting start. i really hope you continue this fic, it seems pretty good
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