Reviewed By: RedTiger5000 On: April 24, 2012 15:00 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
I can ell you are a young writer and that's OK. I think the story was enjoyable. this was your first draft. next time re write the story a few times and read it out loud to yourself and friends, this will help you very much with lines and grammer . I am not perfect either but I am a bit older than you I think. I am mostly a BIG Wolverine fan and I write a LOT of Wolverine/Logan fan fic, new to Dragon ball Z, I Like Vageta and Bulma stories. I think it is fun to see how other fans feel about these guys. Seems most people really love them. I feel a lot of that is because Vageta is so hard to get to and when Balma does it just makes every fan girl crazy, LOLOL. The Story you wrote is a very good start. One thing you need to do is not use their names so much and try to use he, him, his, her, here and there, Try to stay away from things like "he JUSt sat there", "she JUST looked at him" the word just can get old very fast and in writing that will bore the reader. using creative statements that you come up with your self will add flavor and keep the reader reading. Things like "Your hair is like a bird's nest, and birds can mistake you for a tree" That's GREAT stuff!! Funny, creative and it is something we might imagine Vageta saying. Keep trying and try not to leave 3 hour blanks :) I mean you have to tell us a little something on what they did for 3 hours!. If it is something like sex and you do not wish to write details or say sex or mating, then say words like love, passion, or another one you make up. Writing about sex is very hard when you are keeping it clean, you did pretty good. Don't ever go the other way cause writing dirty porn is easy and does not take much skill and is NOT fun to read. So keep on writing and hang in there. I have no Vageta Balma stores yet but I have a few really cool ones of Wolverine's personal life, if you ever want to read one, just contact me. I don't know if you ever noticed this but Vageta is a lot like Logan! pmccarty-tamayo@hushmail.com |
