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| "long time apart" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Kimi On: December 31, 2002 14:12 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree with crystal rose. Who've got a great plot going put you need to work on the structure of your writing. It would help to work on your voice as well. People don't want to read summaries, they want to be wrapped up in the experience and enjoy what they read. It may help to put some meaning into why people did the things they did as well. A good tip when writing a fan fic, people don't like a thousand new characters put in. Its not that you've done that but I find it quite helpful myself. If you're skilled enough you could get away with doing that but only if you give reason behind it. When Serena threw her stuff on the floor, tell why she did that. It wouldn't hurt for her to go into a detailed fight with Rei as well. At the begining, have the scouts together talking about how Serena can't be in the group anymore and then have her run in and suddenly get rejected. Go read some other people's fics and see how they wrote their stuff. Try to model your writing after them and I think you'll be okay. Keep writing, learning, and improving, and most of all, keep up the good work. | Reviewed By: crystal rose On: October 14, 2002 20:47 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
The style of writing is very poor. Your story reads more like a summary and the scenes are so fleeting and without any explanations, that I didn't even bother reading the last chapter. You can't just say that Darien showed up at her door and then later climbs into bed with her. Why did he suddenly decide to go look for her? Why did Serena forgive him just like that? You just summarized everything into short paragraphs and the thing is, you didn't even give any details!
I think you need to go back and work on the first three chapters before you even THINK about updating the story. |
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