| "Just Like Sisters" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] |
Reviewed By: jacki On: January 29, 2004 14:04 CST
Comment/Review:
I like this one it has a interesting start
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Reviewed By: crystal On: March 05, 2003 18:11 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
please finish the story its very good |
Reviewed By: Katrina Kadabra [MediaMiner Member] On: October 19, 2002 07:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
This chapter is MUCH better than the second one. (You've got me hooked on your story all over again!)
The description here is SO much better. I'm thinking of the scene where Haruka passed out and later when she was at the medical center. The little details you provide really help the reader picture what's going on. None of this was in the second chapter at all. Was the first chapter supposed to be a flashback as well...? I think both these chapters would stand fine at regular speed. The third chapter brings us to present-day Japan, but Haruka has still of flashbacks of those times described in Chapters 1 and 2. Just a little suggestion there.
Pluto seemed to... well, just come in and out, so I'm kind of wondering where you're going with her.
One more *little* conflict in the plot. If I remember in chapter 2, you had the outer senshi on their own planets while the Moon Kingdom was attacked, and here you have them on the Moon Kingdom itself. *Shrugs* I don't think it's a big deal, but it did make me do a double-take for a second there. I think technically the senshi were on their own planets, but then that's the beauty of fanfic writing is that you can alter the story however you want! :)
Anyway, great chapter! I look forward to reading more! (Sorry my reviews are so long. I guess I talk too much...) |
Reviewed By: Tanny On: October 15, 2002 12:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
great story so far. please write more soon. i want to know what happens. :) |
Reviewed By: Katrina Kadabra [MediaMiner Member] On: October 14, 2002 18:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hmm... I'll be honest, I liked the first chapter more. Your second chapter jumps so rapidly from one thing to another. Haruka obviously is very close to Usagi, but you need to take the time to show the audience how the two of them develop this bond. The more you do, the more it means to the audience. Also, at the end of the chapter Michiru tells Haruka "aishiteru." (Is that "I love you"? I don't know very much Japanese.) This seems to come out of nowhere, because you never even had Michiru and Haruka meet. It may be that Haruka wants Michiru to fill the gap left by Usagi, but again, this is unclear. Personally, I would like to see Neptune left more in the background of the story and concentrate on this sister relationship between Haruka and Usagi.
That’s about it. I still love your idea, and I’m still looking forward to reading more. (It’s on my favorites list.) I would just suggest putting a little more time into writing about the individual scenes. Good luck!
-Katrina
P.S. I think you captured the outer senshi just fine. From what I understand, each of them were assigned to guard the inner solar system from each of their respective planets. As you pointed out in the story, they were not allowed to leave for any reason.
P.S.S. Please don't wait for 10 reviews and/or e-mails. Write because you enjoy it, not just for the reviews. ^_^ |
Reviewed By: Katrina Kadabra [MediaMiner Member] On: October 08, 2002 22:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh, please continue! (You're going to, right?) This is such a refreshingly original idea to Uranus' story! Princess Serenity is adorable.
And how ironic that the king killed himself with Haruka's future weapon! There a little more description at parts I think would make the story flow better, but other than that, it's wonderful! I look forward to your next update; I hope it comes soon! ^_^ |
Reviewed By: laza On: September 25, 2002 04:28 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
very good
keep writing |
Reviewed By: christina [MediaMiner Member] On: September 24, 2002 13:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
OK I just want to say That this is Wonderful and you need to please update really soon ok. Thank you. |
