| "Ice Cream and Chocolate Kisses" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] |
Reviewed By: Lil Sorceress [MediaMiner Member] On: April 08, 2004 17:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Kawaii! Funny at the end! SEQUEL!
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Title: SEQUEL
Reviewed By: TechnicalDragon [MediaMiner Member] On: January 03, 2004 04:32 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Do a sequel with Bakura/Ryou. Great story though.
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Reviewed By: pingpong [MediaMiner Member] On: April 10, 2003 09:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
/laughs uncontrollably/ all i can say is sequel! |
Reviewed By: I love Yugi and Davis [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2003 14:37 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
SEQUELSEQUELSEQUEL |
Reviewed By: ilpalazzo [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2003 12:50 CST
Comment/Review:
Okay, you asked for pointers on how to improve, ne? Here's an important one: all those parenthetical comments (i.e. the "author's notes" and "Readers: awwww") are ANNOYING and spoil the mood and flow of ANY story. (One possible acception would be parody, where that kind of author intrusion into the story would not really take away from the humor.)
You would have a cute, very sweet vignette if only you hadn't stuck in all those parenthetical remarks (and at the worst possible places!). Please try to keep that in mind for any future stories. ^_^ I think you have potential and I hope you keep writing. |
