| Reviewed By: anonymous On: September 01, 2001 15:40 CDT
The story itself seems to be developing into an interesting and solid one, however... There's a confusing storytelling style since you don't seem to have a good grasp on the rules of writing in prose. Every time a new person speaks, you need to start a paragraph--even if it ends up being a one-word paragraph. Also, any time someone says something in a regular tone, the formatting is as follows: "Hi there. How are you? I do hope you enjoy your stay," Krystal said cheerfully. In this example, what's within the quotes ends with a comma and quote mark, followed by a non-capitalized word (unless it's a proper name, as it is here). I noticed a number of quotes from your characters formatted incorrectly. Go back and smooth out the grammer and you'll significantly improve your writing style.