Title: Interesting fanfic!
Reviewed By: Julia_Tania [MediaMiner Member] On: November 20, 2003 02:23 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your stories very interesting so far! It is one of the good ones out there with a plot. Although, there were some places we didn't understand. It was mostly the first chapter and the fourth chapter though. Everything else was great. The chapters following chapter four, are definitely very interesting. Your story is long-longer than what we're used to anyway heehee-but it definitely moves through fast. You've got lots of situations happening which keeps our attention on the story. Also you've got some funny parts between Chiharu and Takashi even though most of the time they are choking each other a lot. Your Sakura, she's cute, but she's not as carefree. Syaoran's her master, yet it seems that Sakura is treating Syaoran as her subordinate. But the way you're developing this relationship-should be interesting. Yukito being introduced, yeah that should be interesting too. Just adding competition onto Syaoran… Maybe. Apart from a few spelling mistakes and a confusing paragraph, this story is written nicely. You've got a lot of description, a lot of speech which gives the story a bit of personality. There's a balance between the two. It's not just boring, boring lines, where you can't feel or imagine the scenes. You move around too. Great work. Small spelling mistakes, but yeah, no biggie since there were only a few. And yes, Rewop is Power backwards. LOL. These are the parts we mean when we said we didn't understand: The bracelet of energy mentioned in chapter one was quite a mouthful. We actually passed the bracelet explanation of Tomoyo's quite casually, as you would to see how the bracelet fit into the story. It took us a while to decipher what you were trying to say. Just a suggestion for these types of things: in our opinion, we think it'd be easier if you got the characters themselves to ask what the readers might be questioning in their minds. Stepping it out will give us 'less bright' people time to process it through. We kinda found it hard to retain in our minds that's all. LOL. Although, we think after chapter 4, you did do it, but we thought we'd mention it. Chapter 4 where you were explaining, you even picked out yourself that it was kinda confusing where Naoko summoned an illusion spell to trick that the evil spell was working then open a tunnel through to Sakura's magic. It was, again, hard to process through just reading normally. Actually, in the end we never really understood it. We think in this particular part, you need to explain the purpose of the illusion and mesmerisation spells. And you did when you attempted to explain it with that long, rather confusing paragraph. Maybe to make slightly clearer, you could label the spells. Instead of 'first spell' and 'second spell', label it 'illusion spell', 'mesmerising spell', 'invading spell', 'evil spell'… whatever. With that paragraph, how you tried to explain the technicalities of the spells all in a paragraph didn't help us understand it. We think that's what confused us. Slowly, imagine it and tell us each and every detail. If you can't answer your own questions, the readers wouldn't either, meaning you might need to rework it. Hope you don't mind us writing it again, we just wanted to offer some sort of constructive criticism by following it with an example. It's not better, just a suggestion, maybe it'd help us understand it while we do a quick job: Okay, this is the best we could do without going into it too far, but yeah, is this what you were trying to say?? If not then we still don't understand what you were trying to say. Hehehehe he. We're not too sure if anyone has already mentioned it, or even found it confusing, but we thought your story plotline was great, and to have it reduce in enjoyment because of one confusing explanation, it's a shame. We do empathise though. We used to write Star Trek: Voyager fanfics and as you know (or not), Star Trek has a lot of techno-babble, paradoxes, strange stuff that we try to explain, but struggle to make our plots work. Those were the bad stuff, thought we'd put it at the end. *yikes*. But yeah… *Hides under desks and chairs* Anyway, please continue when you have the time!
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