| "You Would Have..." Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] |
Title: never mind...
Reviewed By: AyanChan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 12, 2004 22:32 CST
Comment/Review:
That won't work either.... if you want to see how the poem is SUPPOSED to look email me at abyssinian-aya@columbus.rr.com ~AyanChan
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Title: Arghh...it's me...
Reviewed By: AyanChan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 12, 2004 22:31 CST
Comment/Review:
It's me the author! MediaMiner screwed up my line breaks. If you're wondering, this is how it's supposed to look. I had to do it I knew I knew you wouldn't like The mess I made But I had to. You were always so neat Even in death And me… Your exact opposite. Turns out I never did Get my act together. You wouldn't have Liked this You would have wanted For me to live. If you saw me now You would have Glared You would have Yelled And if you could You would have Cried But you can't Because you've Passed over. It's too hard For me To keep living. You would have wanted Me to live But I couldn't Guess I was weak After all. You would have wanted Me to move on To forget you But I couldn't I had to Give up. There was a Life before you But there wouldn't be A life without you. I'd give up Anything Everything To see you Again. For one last time. I gave up all My bad habits To give you Something to be Proud about When you see Me again. I never told you But I love you. I really did. I really do. I'm coming Love. Please Wait for me Please Wait for me Just wait for me Ran. Does that look better? ~AyanChan
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Reviewed By: hanazawa On: January 12, 2004 20:53 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like how you kept this open-- you don't really know who's mind we're in (although I guess this could be a bad thing too unless you purposely made it that way; it should be subtle but usually there are little hints..)... I'm hoping Youji.. ^^; Youji and Aya is my favorite pairing. But anyway. I'm a sucker for angsty/self-pityish things so the poem was nice-- the only thing I would recommend you take a look at is your line breaks; the placement of some of them don't really make sense to me.
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Title: You Would Have...: You Would Have...
Reviewed By: Huge Aya/Yohji Fan On: January 12, 2004 18:27 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Okay I just wanted to guess...It's Yohji right?
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