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| "Sometimes it Hurts to Love" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: falsechaos@mail.com On: February 19, 2004 23:18 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Comment/Review:
Neep. I'll list the good things first. Spelling and grammar were done nicely throughout the fic. The part were Bakura told the spirit of the Ring to hurry and get the cutting done had a bit of potential. It implied an odd sort of apathy in his situation and towards the Ring spirit. That could have been developed a bit more and would have been quite interesting to read. As for the rest, pardon me if I sound like a jerk. And I'm pretty sure I will. Characterization in your fic needs some work. The one who seemed most out of chara was Honda Hiroto. No real attempts were made to explain his behavior or his attitude towards Bakura. Towards the end of Duelist Kingdom, the two had a distant sort of friendship. Such a drastic change would require some sort of explanation. Jounouchi also seemed a bit off. If anything, it's shown clearly in the anime (Episode 82: The Dark Spirit Revealed - Yugi vs Bakura, Part 1) that Jounouchi is a little uncomfortable around Bakura, at least when dueling styles are brought up. Explanation and background to crushes are always interesting to read. We never get to hear why Jounouchi cared so much about Bakura. The spirit of the Ring was a bit odd. He often seems to go out of his way to avoid Yuugi and the others unless he has something to gain directly by revealing himself. Damaging his host body and yelling lies and obscenities just doesn't seem to be his style. There are a few plot inconsistencies. The interesting little take on Bakura, the Spirit, and cutting habits was sort of shunted aside. You made a deal of mentioning that and didn't really do anything with it later on. The switches between Bakura's dreams and what was really going on needed to be more clearly indicated. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm shredding your fic to pieces. You've got nice grammar and spelling. That doesn't sound like much, but believe me, it can mean the difference between a hidden gem and a fic everyone deliberately avoids. You just need to invest a little more time in planning the plot and why characters are doing what they're doing. Keep writing! You've got the beginnings of an interesting style.
| Reviewed By: Amane Bakura [MediaMiner Member] On: February 11, 2004 02:54 CST
Comment/Review:
*squeals* JouxRyou! ^___^ Very rare, but nevertheless nice. *nodnod* I loved the massive amongst of angstyness...and of course the uber cute fluff. Ryou´s my fave character and I´m usually open to any pairings with him in it (except for KeithxRyou and such... >_>;;). I like the more "odd" pairings like RyouxYugi (to be truthful, I prefer YugixRyou, Yugi´s a good uke, but I like him as the seme when he´s with Ryou), SetoxRyou, HondaxRyou, etc. *cheers* You did a good job. ^_^
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