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| "One Heck of an Adventure" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: good but where the ending
Reviewed By: bearfacedcheek [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2004 14:26 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
want more plain and simple read wot there is loved wot there is want more of wot there is. thank you oh an why not check out my own story "A devil, Kain's last hope"
| Title: hey there
Reviewed By: Soulshadow41 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 28, 2004 17:02 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
not too sure on the ratings, but the only thing that pops out at me are the spelling and grammer mistakes, thats about it. I agree with Amy in that it shouldnt rush from one exciting even to another, like non stop rapids on a river, you needs to have a few bends and smooth spots as well, to sort of make the story flow better. I did enjoy reading it though. Also, its interesting how you are developing the plot. One question though, Aeris and Cloud have metioned Emily\'s eyes, and how they are different and glow. My question is, have they always been like that, and if so, what questions, problems, or events, if any, arose from them during the course of her normal span of life in the real world?
| Title: Hello, again!
Reviewed By: Amy [MediaMiner Member] On: March 08, 2004 21:52 CST
Comment/Review:
I see you've added another chapter and it's not bad! I'm proud of you! However, I think you're missing the point that I made earlier (about a gradually pace). It's good that you placed Emily's history in your new chapter, there's no doubt about it...but you kinda just put it flat out there. What I mean is that you told everything about Emily in just a couple of paragraphs. You could given us (the readers) some history in the very beginning of the chapter, because we don't even know Emily at this point. Also, you could have used a series of flashbacks to help Emily's past reveal itself in due time. Anyway, if you seriously need help... since you stated that you were unsure about what direction you were going (This was in the 1st Chapter with the disclaimer), then why don't you ask for some help (just a little advise) at the forums under Beta Readers/Fanfiction Help or you could just e-mail me, (due to the fact that they take forever to respond sometimes) knowing them so well...they hardly ever respond to me.
| Title: Your story is going too fast for me to catch up!
Reviewed By: Amy [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2004 21:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmm...this story kinda sounds like a Mary Sue (not like that's a bad thing) but you need to fix your sentences. When you say, "I" don't suddenly go to "her." Who's her...Emily? Keep it in first person or the other, which is third person. Also, you're going way too fast...everything dramatically happens like an instant in almost every chapter. Go more in depth with your character Emily, such as her personality, her life, and some of her history to why she knows all these characters in Final Fantasy. I agree with ManaKnightX to add more chapters but let things happen gradually or slowly to Emily. Think of it as a roller coaster, the ride does not instantly drop twenty feet as you buckle up for the ride. It slowly moves out and then a few dramatic turns and twists here or there before you reach the climax of the ride. It's the same thing for fanfiction or story-telling. Take the time to carefully plan out scenes before you write it all down on paper.
| Title: Good, may need correcting though
Reviewed By: ManaKnightX [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2004 20:38 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey Shorty,your buddy X here. This story is a obviouse cross-over of several final fantasy games. It's a good idea for a self-insertion story, but the readers need to know more of what's going on. So add more chapters soon, okay? catch you later!
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