Title: Well Done!
Reviewed By: KennaS [MediaMiner Member] On: June 24, 2004 13:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I must tell you,you have accomplishing something that not every writer can do. You captured the feeling of that episode and carried it successfully into your story. Very well done! There are only a few sections that need a brush up. Seriously, with a small amount of tweaking, this story would be close to perfect. The details are accurate and the mood is perfect, however there are a few tiny wrinkles. For example, this sentence confused me the first time I read it. ""No!" gasped the soldier. The hooded figure twisted his hand, each in a different direction, and a spring thrust a spike out of the tip of the staff. Metal slid out of the soldier's throat and he slipped to the ground." Maybe this would work a little better for you… "No!" gasped the soldier, raising his arms in a futile attempt to stave off the attack. The hooded figure gripped his staff on either end, twisting it each part in an opposite direction to send a large metal spike thrusting from the from the tip into the soldiers throat. The soldier gurgled as blood spilled out of his mouth, the sound of metal slipping wetly through the air as he slipped from the point of the staff to the ground." I hope you don't mind my suggestion. This is the only sentence that really bothered me about the entire thing. I'm nominating this for the Featured Fanfics section, I think its that well written. If you don't already have one, I would be more than thrilled to beta this for you. Just let me know! Bravo
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