Title: uhhh
Reviewed By: Chaos Damn It [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2004 22:35 CDT
Comment/Review:
well, to tell you the truth, this is kinda really lame. your descriptions of events are to say the least lacking. the pace of the story is WAY too fast and pretty darn confusing at times. and everything is too easy, giving your character absolute control over the universe is a little bit one sided, don't cha think? i think that you're trying to manipulate the story the way you want it to be but the way that you do it is just so...annoying. everything happens just because you can make it happen. if you're going to do a fic like that you should at least put some hilarity and mind blowing shit in it, I mean com' on. heres a suggestion; how about you keep your character as God almighty in his tidy whites, but have him be a manitpulator. pulling strings from the background and watching as the plot unfurls. you could do alot to a story like this, but all i've seen from you so far is really disheartening. so to lay it to ya' straight; you need to work on detail, humor, action, cohereancy, pace of plot(which there is a serious lack of), and Getas "I can do anything I want just bcause and I don't care about the consequences because I can fix those too" complex. if ya didn't notice, this is constructive critisim, not a flame. okay, maybe this is somewhat of a flame but only because it irks me to see fics with such a lack of effort. *cough* effort *cough, cough* need some *cough* - Chaos Damn It *cough*
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