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| "A Revelation" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Em (didn't sign in) On: September 06, 2004 04:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oooh! I was getting goosebumps! This is really very good. I do like it more than the one they gave us, I think. My only critique is that I wish you had taken more time with it. Maybe made it a short story rather than a one shot. I would've loved to have gotten more interaction with them two. Okay, time for me to go to bed. Thank you for sharing this with me! ~Em
| Reviewed By: GeoFount [MediaMiner Member] On: June 10, 2004 17:24 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok I loved this fic. I love your interpatation of Kohaku and Sango and their feelings towards each other and the events happening. I actually cried LOL. And I like the fact you made Sango breathless when referring to Miroku. Blurting it out would have made it seem like it wasn't a big thing for her to be engaged. Also I love how Kohaku wished things could be like they once were, and how all the pain and loneliness has been eating away at him. Once again, you've captured Kohaku's suffering perfectly. Just some lil errors: [Back before he'd gotten his memories back he'd spent so much time around that baby] Too many backs :P [He wasn't the same, meek, shy boy she'd known] I would remove the comma after same. Isn't really needed though. ["We've seen each other other times though, though] Too many though's. [After a long pause, he told her, "Then, thank you."] I would remove the "Then" but that's partly personfal preference. Adding then doesn't make it as dramatic. Alright I think thats it. You have wonderful grammar and sentence structure and your vocabulary is very well done. The lil mistakes are just me being anal. Great story!
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