| "Name her..." Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] |
Reviewed By: avatoa [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2009 03:23 CDT
Comment/Review:
So when does this story take place during the One Piece timeline?
|
Reviewed By: N2000 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 03, 2005 11:21 CDT
Comment/Review:
I mean you SHOULDN'T end it here! SHOULDN'T!!!!
|
Reviewed By: N2000 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 03, 2005 11:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is beatiful and I really don't think you should end it here. I'm sorry, but this just doesn't feel like an ending. I think that you should concider my idea and use it. I mean, Yukina has a right to know about Zoro's existence and why he doesn't live with her.
|
Reviewed By: N2000 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 18, 2005 21:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is nice. I think that Yukina should find out about Zoro in the thrid chapter, if there is one. Oh, and have her going around telling people that Zoro is her father as the kids think of it as a cry for attention or something until Zoro actually shows up and saves the town from a pirate attack or something and eventually, everyone knows the truth and Zoro has no choice but to leave Luffy's crew! Is this making sense?
|
Title: I had Zoro's child! ^u^
Reviewed By: A New Hottness [MediaMiner Member] On: November 23, 2004 11:57 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow great fic! I'm so glad you had Zoro with a girl. I'm tired of these farout Sanji/Luffy parings. It's weird and just... gay! Anyway I really like your fic, it's interesting and there's so many follow up questions in my reserves. SO JA NE! (Let's see... if the color changes... I know I'm slow... ^_^*, JA NE!)
|
Title: I had Zoro's child! ^u^
Reviewed By: A New Hottness [MediaMiner Member] On: November 23, 2004 11:56 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow great fic! I'm so glad you had Zoro with a girl. I'm tired of these farout Sanji/Luffy parings. It's weird and just... gay! Anyway I really like your fic, it's interesting and there's so many follow up questions in my reserves. SO JA NE! (Let's see... if the color changes... I know I'm slow... ^_^*, JA NE!)
|
Reviewed By: Mooneater On: September 21, 2004 14:38 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like the vagueness you tend to build in the first chapter... keeping some openings for further writing and yet not damaging the story! The problem Zoro faces is really good written, you really get the feeling you understand what he's looking upon. The second chapter is a little less good written, more direct, just giving a little more away. Maybe this is caused by the timejump you make here, wich I regret, I would have loved to read more about all the things that would happen after the named the child - how the mom reacted, how he went away, etc. Nevertheless it is a quite nice part, especially the end. You seem to bring over emotions quite well, good job! Keep on going this way, but try to balance a little more, just read it over and over again, until everything feels flawless with no rubs and spikes anymore, try to work on that!
|
Title: harsh-ass critic
Reviewed By: Ward On: July 18, 2004 17:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
As promised, your review. Your story could really benefit from a more descriptive writing style. If you don't want to describe the scenery to set the mood, then more descriptive actions by the characters are an equally valid method. It all comes down to including that which you personally feel makes for a good fanfic. I also think you can do more with the obvious confusion at the end of the first paragraph, before shifting to the more melancholy second paragraph. Take the reader along for the ride! I'm interested in seeing how the story is going to turn out.
|
