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| "the dissappearence..." Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Title: Critical Analysis
Reviewed By: xxegonomicxx [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2004 22:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
You asked my opinion Miss Akuma, so here it is... The writing style goes very well. Third person is often the best style to use when facing this kind of story with many different characters. What needs the most work is the many run-on type sentences you have. In some sentences, such as the last line of the very first paragraph of the first chapter, separating the parts about whoever finding someone else not in his bed, should be a semicolon (;), and not a comma. There were several times throughout the story where I had to read a sentence twice to get what you were trying to say, all because of incomplete thoughts or poorly punctuated sentences. The structure of the story works very well, the timeline of events all agree, verbe-tense agreements work, and everything is relatively easy to follow. Clean up the grammar and overall semantics and you'll easily become the best writer on here. For better explanations, you know my email address. -xxegonomicxx-
| Reviewed By: Frozen Flame [MediaMiner Member] On: September 03, 2004 12:33 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was a GREAT CHAPTER!!! I LOVED how Hiei killed Karasu!! And it's okay that you killed Ryton, I killed him in my story ^_^' Keep up the great work!!
| Reviewed By: Frozen Flame [MediaMiner Member] On: August 28, 2004 10:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
I just re-read this and it's even better the second time! Yes I agree the best person for the job is Ryton! (thanks for putting it in the next chapter btw ^_^) What's going to happen to Yuko? I hope nothing bad, cause I really do like her. Ooh, Karasu gives me the willies. I was finally able to upload new chapters to Dreams of Despair on ff.net (yay!!) so go 'head a read read read!! And thanks for reviewing, glad you like Total Conquest!! It's on ff too, I'll be updating soon! Recommend more stories to each other, okay! Um, I have a few of mine I'd like you to read, but I'm running out of character space for this review. Ah, a really good one I found (it's not mine) a while ago on ff is called Ice Dreams of Fire (31 chapters but really good!!) Anyway, running out of character space, so I'll use the rest to say great story and update soon!!! ^_^
| Reviewed By: akuma11424 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 27, 2004 11:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
| Title: GREAT JOB!!
Reviewed By: Frozen Flame [MediaMiner Member] On: August 27, 2004 10:34 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great story!! You did use my character, though (Ryton). I expect recognition!! Put it in the Disclaimer or I'll never read your fanfics again!!! Nah, it's okay, just kidding. ^_^ I'm surprised this doesn't have reviews! It's really good! Please update soon, I can't wait to see what happens! Oh, by the way, I have a story called Total Conquest that's been up for months and hasn't gotten any reviews...the only fic of mine that hasn't been reviewed...I think you know what I'm asking ^_^ pwease? *cute anime puppy dog eyes* And this is going in my favorites, I'll be looking for an update!! ja ne for now!
| Title: Hello there!
Reviewed By: Frozen Flame [MediaMiner Member] On: August 27, 2004 10:21 CDT
Comment/Review:
You go by a lot of names, don't you? kurama and hiei's girlfriend, akuma11424...I had a hard time finding this! oh, this is Wolf of the Frozen Flame from ff dot net, yes I have stories posted here too. Sorry I can't post more, ff is being VERY mean and locking my account till tomorrow (they said one of my fics was interactive and deleted it) I do have more of the story posted here though, so read and review!! And I'm reading this right now, so I'll be reviewing again in a couple of minutes, just wanted to tell you that first!
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