| "Magics" Reviews/Comments [ 11 ] |
Title: FFARG review (Chapter 1) - Part II
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: May 17, 2005 21:08 CDT
Comment/Review:
(Continued from previous review) Overall, I think you have an interesting story line so far. Many of the issues I mentioned in the last review could be dealt with by a good beta reader (see the "Beta/Pre-Readers and Writing Help" section in the forum) and some editing work. Otherwise, keep writing, and best of luck with future chapters! Thanks again for submitting to FFARG.
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Title: FFARG review (Chapter 1) - Part I
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: May 17, 2005 21:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your story to FFARG. First off, I think you have an interesting story line here with a lot of potential. However, there are a number of issues I saw with this first chapter that need to be dealt with in terms of plot, style, and structure. Although you say that your story is AU, you don't offer much of a setting for the story. Even though I already know what the Gundam boys look like, your descriptions of them are not incredibly easy to picture. Several of your descriptions are somewhat awkward and very blunt, as in you told us what someone looked like rather than showed us. You could add much more to your descriptions in general as well, as this first chapter felt a bit rushed. A little more background would be excellent as well. My next issue of concern is the grammar - I found a large number of grammatical and spelling errors throughout the story. You switched tenses in a few places as well (the first line was in present tense, while the rest of the chapter slipped into past tense). It's also not considered "proper" to abbreviate words within stories - write out the entire word (ex. - use "reputation" instead of "rep."). Abbreviations are great for reviews and author's notes, but not for storytelling. ^^; The same idea goes with slashes (ex. "warmth / hope / sorrow" should have been something like "warmth, hope, and sorrow" instead). (Continued briefly in the next review)
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Reviewed By: SMO [MediaMiner Member] On: May 16, 2005 02:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good story. The chapters are a little short though, wish you would write more. Please update soon.
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Reviewed By: Nita-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: March 17, 2005 08:21 CST
Comment/Review:
*grin* Heero and Zech are trying to get Duo huh? The two sexiest members of GW getting the equally sexy Shinigami. Love it. Why are the animals so protective of Duo? Will there be lemons? A fight? A bad guy? Update soon!
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Reviewed By: HIge On: February 22, 2005 13:15 CST
Comment/Review:
I said this in your review in the story in adultfanfiction, it is quite like Christines, but has its own origionality to it. You aren't Christine, but I am curious if you got some of the idea from her stories. It is pretty annoying that you have short chapters and that you don't put in enough details. But its the way you do things. Oh yea, I hope you make Duo and Qautre seem like stronger characters sooner or later in the story... right now they just seem weak. meh, keep up the work.
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Reviewed By: Nita-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: February 22, 2005 07:40 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Chaps are a little short, please update soon.
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Reviewed By: *** On: October 29, 2004 23:05 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Why do you love to torture Duo and Quartre? Is it because of Duo's hair, eyes, looks, and star personality? Is it because Quartre went crazy over his father's death and blewup a colony? It is a wonder that they don't go crazy on the authors that write bad things that happen to them. You don't want them to come after you with their Gundams, do you? So what if they blew them up after the second war. Quartre has money and the Magunacs. Duo has Howard and the Sweepers. They could have them rebuild and come after you. Don't underestimate them.
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Reviewed By: ??? On: October 29, 2004 22:56 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Would you please update soon? Thank you.
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Reviewed By: Rav Rev On: October 29, 2004 22:55 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good story. The only problem is that the chapters are a little on the short side. Update soon.
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Reviewed By: ChimeraDragon [MediaMiner Member] On: October 26, 2004 11:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
not bad, keep up the good work
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Reviewed By: phoenixaggie06 On: August 31, 2004 18:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wonderful story. I have a question though. Are you Christine from Gundam Wing Addiction? Because this story is almost exactly like her 'Psi Wing'. Other than that I love the story. Could you email me at phoenixaggie06@yahoo.com to answer me?
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