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| "The Odd Couple" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] | Title: Awesomest should be a word. Perhaps it is!
Reviewed By: Sour Akio [MediaMiner Member] On: November 20, 2005 00:01 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is the awesomest chapter! Originality is ten. NOBODY can say that this story isn't original. It started when we dared each other to write weird pairings, remember? ^-^ The was fun. This chapter was totally awesome! I loved the imbroglio in the bushes.
| Title: Well, Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Reviewed By: Sour Akio [MediaMiner Member] On: November 19, 2005 23:58 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Rin hit Jaken on the head a few days ago? I thought the past 4 chapters had taken place either all in the same day, or during 2 days. Anyway, this chapter was great. ^_^ Kikyo's a nutjob. ^_^ Loved her ranting. When Kagome yelled, I got the urge to say, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" ^_^ "I shall get my revenge!" That's all Kikyo says? You're not gonna write how's she's broken hearted or furious or anything? That's lame. ~_~ We have no idea how she feels! Anyway, great chappie! My main beef was this chappie was how you started it. DON'T START A CHAPTER WITH THE WORD WELL!
| Title: ^_^ ATTACK MY SOUL GATHERERS!
Reviewed By: Sour Akio [MediaMiner Member] On: November 19, 2005 23:54 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
You use "as" and "and" too much. 'I'll have to burn THESE later.' is correct, not 'this.' Pants is plural! ^_^ This chapter is AWESOME! Jaken getting shot down! Ha ha ha ha! It's shorter than the other ones, too. ^_^
| Title: part 2 of my review of chapter 2. ...hey, stop looking at me like that! i SAID it was thorough!
Reviewed By: Sour Akio [MediaMiner Member] On: November 19, 2005 23:36 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
#9 (Well, Jaken's last straw broke. "I DO ALL THE WORK AROUND HERE AND YOU NEVER TELL ME 'Thank you Jaken.' O NO! IT'S ALWAYS 'What did you say Jaken?' or 'Are you arguing with me, Jaken?' AND YET, I GO THROUGH ALL YOU'RE TEASING AND TAUNTING OBEDIENTLY WITH OUT ONE WORD AND I NEVER GET ANY APPRECIATION!!" Jaken started breathing heavily.) You should probably put something in here saying HOW he said this. Did he scream it? Or whisper it. If you don't write it I won't know. ;) You could also put something after this saying how Jaken felt yelling at Sesshomaru, which he'd never done before, and stuff. How did he feel about it? Was he glad that he'd done it, since it needed to be said? Or did he want to crawl in a shell and blow up? That would be entertaining. ^_^ #10 ("Now. Or suffer the consequences." he said in a deadly calm voice. ) Use a comma before he said!! You should probably put more detail about Jaken running. I have a suggestion: Have him trip over lots of stuff. Like branches. And Winnie the Pooh. Or maybe just a rabid gopher or something. #11 (Then she swung a stick, knocking a bird out of it's nest.) Its, not "it's". ^^ Gotta be careful about that, y'know! What kind of candy did Rin get? ^^ ...What kind of candy did they HAVE during Sengoku Jidai, anyway? o.O #12 (His mouth fell open. "K-K-Kikyo?" Kikyo slowly turned her head to the little green imp and simply stared at him. Her soul collectors were flying lazily beside her.) How did he know that she was there?
| Title: The first part of my review for chapter 2. It's very thorough.
Reviewed By: Sour Akio [MediaMiner Member] On: November 19, 2005 23:35 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
#1 (Heck, even Sesshomaru taunted hin at times!) It's him not hin. #2 (But alas! he was him so he felt crummy. ) Shouldn't "he" be capitalized? #3 ("Again! Again!" and once again, she started chanting....) Shouldn't "and" be capitalized? #4 I thought Sesshomaru DID start singing the song w/ Rin. o.O Wasn't it that way? Did you change it? (#5 That's pretty darn bad.) Instead of "bad," you could use "low." I think it's a more effective adjective. #6 ( 'Why? Why? Why?' he had the incredible urge to bang his head against a tree about a million times, but resisted strongly.) *imitates Napolean Dynamite's voice* You have to capitalize stuff at the beginning of a sentence, Megan! Gosh! #7 (Rin, whom gets bored VERY easily, changed songs in hopes of keeping herself occupied for a while.) Ok, I don't know why you used "whom" there. Actually, I don't know under what circumstances "whom" is supposed to be used, but I just felt like pointing it out. Maybe you should look it up. I think you use "who" in this case, though. #8 (Yeah, she hit one of Sesshomaru's nerves.) You already started a sentence in this story with "Yeah." You shouldn't do it again.
| Reviewed By: Sour Akio [MediaMiner Member] On: November 19, 2005 23:16 CST
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Comment/Review:
Ah, Jaken getting embarrassed because he talked in his sleep. ^_^ Priceless. There are some things money can't buy. But for everything else, there's Mastercard. Although I don't understand how a Mastercard would've helped... Rin couldn't of made Jaken dizzy with a credit card. Plus they didn't exist then. Ah well. I think I saw either some bad grammer or a typo near the beginning, but now I can't remember what. ^^;
| Reviewed By: alonegirl_34 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 15, 2005 07:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
O.O damn that pairing is jacked up ^___^ THANK YOU this is awesome so far ^__^
| Reviewed By: marijang69 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 20, 2005 10:44 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
omg. as much as i HATE kikyou, even SHE doesn't deserve the little icky toad FANTASIZING bout her!!! lmao its so funny though! errrmrmmmmm but rin and sess were a bit out of character....>
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