Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: April 20, 2005 14:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
You stick to present tense rather well up until the last paragraphs where she "realizes she's swooning." Though present tense can be awkward, you can write in it, but keep to one the whole time. Your dialogue is fitting and flows together like a real conversation, but might I suggest you work on descriptions during the conversation and especially at the very beginning? One more thing, a formatting problem; you should hit enter twice for a new paragraph otherwise the paragraphs all string together and there's no tab spacing. Having that blank line between paragraphs helps. Nice character interactions, keep up the good work and always push yourself to become even better. :-)
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