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| "I JUST WANNA LIVE" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2008 10:58 CST
Comment/Review:
man, ayear and a half since my last review on this story, and nothing added. This really make s aguy feel bad, ya know? lol. I'm not the same person I was back then, but I'm still interested in this story. Check your email, and check and see fi you want to go back and update this fic, it isn't half bad. Neh. SO WRITE! Update, improve, not the change in the world. I'm sick and tired of abandoned fics, so udpate this one, will ya? Ja ne.
| Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: July 21, 2006 15:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
late as this may seem, even after you (may) have abandoned this one, I think it is a decent idea, great characterizations (far different from the norm) and has been informative (helped me deal with a few things myself, hehe). I would like to see the fic get continued, even at this late date. However, the dialogue is often distracted, and said in the same way for all the information, as if the original statement is copied, pasted, and only slightly edited (like Iori's restatement of how Hikari and Miyako reacted to Daisuke coming out, and their reactions later on to what Takeru said). This is a repeated problem in this work, and is not so glaring in your other works. Even if this story is dead to you, please take note of this piece of advise: not that each character will react to news in different ways, emphasizing different parts of events then others might, as what emotional reaction, physical reactions, as well as other small details, are noticed by some people more than others. After all. Cody would notice things more from someone's stance, while Ken would notice more from how emphsis is placed on words, as well as the emotional content of any statements made. Its an important note most writers do though not authors (if you want to ask about the difference, send me an email at Graypheonix@hotmail.com), and is something subtle that relates your level of ability. Personally, I think the story is great, but note, how is Miyako acting in all of this, and what about Hikari, is she nothing more than a heartless, hateful human being, or is she blocking out something about herself (AKA, is Hikari a Lesbian? What better way to hide your own feelings then behind a hateful facade, blocking out one's true emotions afterall, that is what so many people have done, people in the closet being very strong homophobes. I mean hey, a hell of a lot of christians have acted that way over the years, and to be quite honest, its pretty unhealthy. Anyway, love the fic, but it does need serious revamps. Take a look over it again, and see if you get the time to start writing in it again. Anyways, gotta go, later!!!
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