| Reviewed By: Tylec Asroc On: April 11, 2005 22:07 CDT|
Style of Writing: 4 of 10Comment/Review:
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10
Ah! So you are planning to continue this story - excellent! Your spelling and formatting have greatly improved since the first chapter, and while this was a quiet entry, it was nice to see the team interact with each other. The chapter has a nice spot of humor to begin with (And as an answer robin suddenly woke up. - Poof!) Dojima and Amon are spot-on in their mannerisms, but I'm hesitant about Robin's characterization - while she is undoubtedly quiet and apologetic (ex. lying to preserve Dojima's feelings), she also comes off with a touch too much of Yurika's sarcasm ("if orbo doesn't kill me first… the food will"). I'm giving you extra Creativity points because Mammura is a very original witch, but the ending of this chapter is iffy and dropped down the Writing Style - it's a great conclusion, but with Mammura captured (and no indication of a jailbreak etc.) this chapter doesn't lead all that well into the next. There's no lingering conflict to continue the story - it feels like Robin will recover safely, the villain was foiled and we're gearing up for a 'Happily Ever After'. Middle chapters need a sort of hook or lure - some unresolved problem that screams 'To Be Continued', and drives your audience to continue reading. I do like the format your endings have: "and they all left." It's a neat sort of personalized tag line, like a signature.